Any advice please? UPDATE

Hi everyone im new here an was wondering if anyone has an adivce on a matter i have with my ex and my 4 year old daughter (im sorry if this was posted in the wrong section)

Ok so let me start me and my ex were together for 5 half years last year she cheated fell pregnant to another guy but we decided to stay together for my daughters sake.

we were living in sydney then in may 2011 she went to griffith NSW she said she would be there for 3 weeks then i can come and pick my daughter up she kept hold it off then ended up in Robinvale Victoria she was then saying she will come back up soon few weeks later she moved herself and my daughter to Mildura Victoria (so much moving around for a young child)and from there she was back and forth between robinvale and mildura.Here with me she was in a stable place never being moved around and with a school up the end of my street where she was going to attend next year.

it has been about 4 months and i still havent seen my daughter, she is refusing to let me see her and now refusing to let me talk to her unless i msg text her first beoore i call ( i text first still no answer), for a while she wouldnt tell me where her and my daughter were.3 weeks ago my father passed away at 57and he treated my daughter like it was his own and everyday he would ask me bring my princess up i want her here she didnt even get to say goodbye coz my ex wanted to be spitfull and not let my daughter attend his funeral which hurt me my family and alot of people really bad knwoing how close my daughter and my father were.

She goes out partys and drinks and leaves my daughter with someone i dont know who but im pretty sure its with her best friend who is a heavy drug taker (which i dont know how to prove)

Now to the horrible part my ex's mother has been giving my daughter KAVA dont know if anyone will know what that is but its a FIJIAN alcahol/drug (shes a 4 year old child been given something 100x worse than soft drinks)

What makes me very paraniod is my ex had a baby to a previous relationship she left her baby in the care of a man she was stayting with who was overly drunk got home and found the baby in bathtub with the babysitter sleeping in the bath with her, basciclly i dont want anything like that to happen to my daughter.

My daughter being in a horrible envionment like the places where she stays where girls as young as 9 are drinking smoking and seeing boys doing well things young girs shouldnt be doing i dont want my dauther exposed to things like that. she is constantly around alcahol her mother drinks her nan and pop on my ex's side all drink more than they can handle where as me i never have drank and alcahol pretty much dosnt exist in my family

my ex recently got her 4 year immunisation needles which were 7 months late (im still questioning if she has done it or not)

My ex puts things into my daughter head for eg, she told my daughter i kicked her out , she got her daughter to say to me piss off dad i hate you, telling my daughter to say stuff like you will never find us dad, she bribes her with toys and makeup only if she does what my ex says , My daughter went to tell me where she was my ex turned around and smacked her to stop her from telling me where they were.

the constant swearing my ex says to my daughter like when im on the fone to my daughter you can hear my ex saying "hurry and get the F%*& off the fone" or to my daughter "here come talk to this C^&T" .

Im getting really fed up with it and with the stress of my dads passing away leaving behind 7 very young children as young a 6 and me doing all i can to make sure they are all ok , losing my job, and now my ex doing all this to me with me and my daughter its starting to take its toll and i can see myself being hospitalised very soon.

I know its a very long story (theres alot more) but i really need adivice as it really hard trying to keep up with everything i will contact legal aid on monday hopefully i qualify , i jut wanted to know if any other fathers have been through the same as what im going through,

thanks everyone and im sorry if i ranted on.

Wow! Sorry I know you want advice, but I don't have any. I want to wish you luck on Monday and I hope this little girl gets a better road to travel on. My heart is breaking for her after reading your post sad I hope it gets better soon.

thanks kellie332 i hope it goes well to im in a way dreading the whole court thing , because my ex has even admitted to me she will lie and turn everything onto me and my family but im gonna fight for my little girl , i just pray that things will get better then my constant headaches and chest pains and stress will go away.

i should have mentioned this aswell both me and my ex are 24 years old.

If you honestly think your daughter is in danger, you need to see a lawyer and get full custody of her.

It might be costly but nothing compares to your daughter's safety.

If i was you id do that. What ever it takes to get her.

Good luck, i hope it all works out.

Can you try for full custody through the court system? At least its worth calling Dept of Child. Services and putting in a complaint....explaining to the that your child is in danger...
Good luck.

my dad is literally going thru the same thing as you. PM if you like im not sure if ill have much advise but this issue in my family with my dad his ex and their daughter (my 1/2 sister) has been going on for a while unfortuneately sad but if you dont want to pm me the quickest and best advise i can offer is GET LEGAL ADVISE IMMEDIATELY do not wait, contact DOCS and the police (although she hasnt done anything 'illegal' you have a right to the where abouts of your daughter) and from now on record everything in a day to day diary, txt phone calls what was said all the swearing and manipulating, everything even highlight phone bills etc..your strongest asset is records and witnesses to the things she does. and do not let her push you out of your daughters life. i feel for you X love and light

gypsy kylz iv tried to PM you but keeps saying i need to enter the 2 words in the validation box thing is it dosnt show up lol sorry

this is what i was going to pm you

how how are you? i just read your reply to my post would you be able to tell me anything like what he has to do? so far im lost heads all over the place trying to keep up its hard and i know what your dad must be going thru its tough i will be contacting legal aid tomorrow hopefully i get approved.

any adivce would be highly appreciated thanks smile

Jus aquic question, even though your daughter technically isnt yours, is your name on the birth cert? its really hard as all your ex has to do is demand a dna test and it will get really messy (my friend is going through the same thing but is only going for visition not full custody)

Best of luck with legal aid, its going to be a long road ahead of you but just remember it will be worth it

Jus aquic question, even though your daughter technically isnt yours, is your name on the birth cert? its really hard as all your ex has to do is demand a dna test and it will get really messy (my friend is going through the same thing but is only going for visition not full custody)

Best of luck with legal aid, its going to be a long road ahead of you but just remember it will be worth it

hi my daughter is mine and yes my name is on the birth cert my daughter also has my last name which my ex wants to get changed

thanks i just got off the phone with legal aid and got an appointment on the 29th august.

this is also the 4th day now that i havnt heard from my daughter which is funny because everytime i dont hear from my daughter is for a few days straight after her mothers centrelink pay day, i know its gonna be a long process but its worth it just hopeing i can sstay strong and get thru it all

gypsy kylz iv tried to PM you but keeps saying i need to enter the 2 words in the validation box thing is it dosnt show up lol sorry

this is what i was going to pm you

how how are you? i just read your reply to my post would you be able to tell me anything like what he has to do? so far im lost heads all over the place trying to keep up its hard and i know what your dad must be going thru its tough i will be contacting legal aid tomorrow hopefully i get approved.

any adivce would be highly appreciated thanks smile

it depends on if your going to go for full custody of your 4yr old or want visitation rights, legal aide is best or if you are able find a family law specialist go with them its worth the extra cost as they know everything there is to know about these issues.
my dads basic story is he and his ex had a baby together and when she was about 2yrs the ex took off with her, this woman (ex) is a bibolar sufferer but refuses meds and as a result can become very violent and dangerous she also deals drugs in our local town and does not keep a sterdy income, she also has an older daughter from a previous relationship.

basically my dad has been fighting for half custody of my sister thru family courts and DOCS since then and has won several times...basically the court gives an order in favour of my dad but then his ex refuses to carry out the terms of the order (locks her doors doesnt answer the phone doesnt meet for visitations and often dissappears for ages). the police say that they are powerless to do anything to enforce the orders and that it has to go back to court..again. this is effecting my sisters schooling and we constantly worry for her safety.. she is now 13yrs old sad

my dad has done everything hes been told by the courts BUT IMO the reason it has gone on so long his he is afraid on confontation and a few years ago all but gave up, he doesnt even try to call my sister for birthdays anymore for fear of abuse sad THAT is what i mean by DO NOT let your baby be pushed from your life..my dads ex has dragged this on for so long that shes broken him and hes stopped fighting. be prepared for a loooooong battle but dont let her do that to you always keep fighting. if i were you id go for full custody, you need the evidence of what she does and make sure youve got a few witnessess that will stand by you for the saga to come, you will need support if she makes it difficult.

do everything you can to avoid court proceeding tho, try mediation and councelling, can you move closer? i know thats a big ask, never miss a birthday or xmas phonecall, this is one thing thats dragged up ALL the time by the ex..'well you didnt even call at easter so you dont care, you cant see her'

soon my sister will be old enough to make her own decisions but when that time comes the fact that dad has given up and she has only her mothers story spinning and manipulations..what do you think will happen? she wont want to see dad because shell know nothing but 'you didnt try to even see me so i dont want to know you' its sad but its the truth of it.

sorry to put such a sad loong vent onto you sad but be prepared that these cases can turn very ugly, i hope in your case it does not. never let go always fight XX

it depends on if your going to go for full custody of your 4yr old or want visitation rights, legal aide is best or if you are able find a family law specialist go with them its worth the extra cost as they know everything there is to know about these issues.
my dads basic story is he and his ex had a baby together and when she was about 2yrs the ex took off with her, this woman (ex) is a bibolar sufferer but refuses meds and as a result can become very violent and dangerous she also deals drugs in our local town and does not keep a sterdy income, she also has an older daughter from a previous relationship.

basically my dad has been fighting for half custody of my sister thru family courts and DOCS since then and has won several times...basically the court gives an order in favour of my dad but then his ex refuses to carry out the terms of the order (locks her doors doesnt answer the phone doesnt meet for visitations and often dissappears for ages). the police say that they are powerless to do anything to enforce the orders and that it has to go back to court..again. this is effecting my sisters schooling and we constantly worry for her safety.. she is now 13yrs old sad

my dad has done everything hes been told by the courts BUT IMO the reason it has gone on so long his he is afraid on confontation and a few years ago all but gave up, he doesnt even try to call my sister for birthdays anymore for fear of abuse sad THAT is what i mean by DO NOT let your baby be pushed from your life..my dads ex has dragged this on for so long that shes broken him and hes stopped fighting. be prepared for a loooooong battle but dont let her do that to you always keep fighting. if i were you id go for full custody, you need the evidence of what she does and make sure youve got a few witnessess that will stand by you for the saga to come, you will need support if she makes it difficult.

do everything you can to avoid court proceeding tho, try mediation and councelling, can you move closer? i know thats a big ask, never miss a birthday or xmas phonecall, this is one thing thats dragged up ALL the time by the ex..'well you didnt even call at easter so you dont care, you cant see her'

soon my sister will be old enough to make her own decisions but when that time comes the fact that dad has given up and she has only her mothers story spinning and manipulations..what do you think will happen? she wont want to see dad because shell know nothing but 'you didnt try to even see me so i dont want to know you' its sad but its the truth of it.

sorry to put such a sad loong vent onto you sad but be prepared that these cases can turn very ugly, i hope in your case it does not. never let go always fight XX

hi gypsy kalz thanks for getting back wow i feel your dads pain i know exactly what he is going through i know it gonna be a long battle and my ex is very similar very abusive and all i haddnt heard from my daughter all weekend and now all of a sudden its monday and my ex decideds to msg me saying she is in daycare which i dont belive i asked which daycare she refused to tell me i have it all in the texts, she then said she was laybying stuff for xmas over the weekend next msg was she was in a whole diffent place about 1 or 2 away so my daughter could spend time with her (note he never used to never brought her a bday or xmas present)and my ex's brother has ADHD he got my daughters fingers stuck in the door he turned to her and laughed he is 16 years old, but yet should couldnt bring my daughter up to say goodbye at my dad funeral who she lived with since birth allways got what she wanted from him.

where she is , is about 15 hours away im driving down there sometime hopefully tormorrow to see my daughter and to see if she is even in daycare or has been left with someone who i have no idea about while her mum is out staying at guys houses.

i know for sure its gonna turn ugly coz my ex even said to me that he will say so much *** in court like, it was my mother giving her alcahol (my mother isnt that stupid she works with troubled youth that are homeless and on drugs and alcahol so she wouldnt be that stupid), that i beat my daughter, never looked after her , done nothing for her , pretty much i didnt give a damn about my daughter. Knowing my luck they will prob belive the evil human it makes me mad.

me and my ex were in a very abusive relationship physically and emotionlly i dont belive in hitting females, she used to really beat on me punch me in the head and all (she is a very tough country girl like her mother)

Proving it all is gonna be tough unless they talk to her my ex's mother who i know will lie and say she never gave my daughter KAVA (fijian alcahol/drug) when i spoke to my daughter a week ago i told her you better not be drinking kava she turned around to me and said "im not at nanas house and im not well so i cant drink it".

the pain i have to go through is horrible and i know what your dad must be going through gypsy and i feel for him and what he went through i know it gonna be tough im gonna keep trying to fight to get her back into my care.

Now heres another thing which i should have mentioned while my ex and i were living together while i was taking care of my daughter my ex was on SINGLE PARENTING PAYMENT for 4 years her addres was victoria when the whole time she was living with me with my daughter, i know if i report her ill get into trouble but if it means getting my daughter back with my family then ill do it.

i know my daughter is at risk and i fear strongly for her safety my ex only dates islander men they have to be drinkers and she like men who are abusive (i was the only one who wasnt any of them never drank never partied ) i just allways concentrated on my daughter and my family the islander men from the area she is at are very big alcahol drinkers and majority are very abusive and im worried they will beat my ex and get sick of it then start beating on the child thats not theirs.

i know im a good father i looked after my brothers and sisters i started changing nappys at the age of 8 or 9 haveing a child of my own has made me more determined to be the best i can be and a good role model for my child and give her the best life that she deserves , coz i know if she remians in the care of my ex no doubt my daughter will be like her mum and her grandparents , never attend school , start drinking smoking till you know it im a grandfather before the age of 40 way before i just no thats going to happen coz my my ex's parents are the exact same and it liked it was passed on to their kids my ex and her brother , i know i prob cant use any of that in court, which sucks but i dont want this to go for long all i want is my daughter home here where i know she will be safe and happy

also forgot to mention that when i speak to my daughter her tone of voice is very odd she sounds very down and unhappy , which i think she is starting to feel very emotional i need to do something fast


oh and thanks gypsy kalz i hope when his daughter has the chance to make her own decisions that she will want to see her dad no child should go through life without their parents

is there such a thing as a LIVE WITH ORDER coz when i spoke to a lawyer they said that i think that what it was i want full custody but im happy with joint as long and my daughter lives with me coz i want her to have both her parents