Feeling suffocated by my child

Hi All, sorry if this doesn't read right, my head is really scattered at the moment.

I was always a bit of a loner growing up, & always found it hard to make and keep friends (I'm an only child too). This never really bothered me, as I always enjoyed my own company. That was until my DS (now 4 & also an only) came along. He wasn't planned but is very muched loved all the same. I really struggled when he was first born, my DH is fantasticbut because he works away, (all our family are interstate) I was offen alone, & found myself getting really overwhelmed with it all. Went & saw my doctor, who said it was just 'baby blues' & that I would bounce back in no time, & that I should join a mothers group to be around people who knew what I was going thru. I did that, but found it
really hard to connect with any of them. My social skills are non existant & often found myself excluded in their conversations. I knew I had to work hard to get to know these people, but by the time I got up the courage to talk to them, they had formed their own little click & was offen ignored. Quickly spiralling into depression, & after a year of
being ignored, I quit. Went back to the doctor, he prescribed anti-depressants which
knocked me for six (to the point I couldn't look after DS). Promptly gave them them up,
& tried counseling. She was good, & convinced me to give play groups another go. Giving me some tips on how to overcome my anxiety & talk to people. But as soon as I go, all that helpful advice would go out the window. I would be back at square one, just with a new lot of mothers ignoring me sad after 6mths of that, I gave that away too.

Knowing that DS would be starting kindy soon, I thought we would just have to manage by ourselves for awhile. DS has become so heavily reliant on me to entertain him, it's become totally suffocating..... So with no one else to help & no outside interests of my own, I find myself avoiding him & just want to be left alone. I know it's not he's
fault & shouldn't be holed up with me all day. DS is starting to ask why other kids dont come to play, but I get soooo anxious at even at the thought of being in any social situation, I avoid them at all cost. I honestly dont want to
be like this & drag my DS down with me sad DH is trying to arrange to get work, closer to home, but that won't be able to happen for atleast a couple of months (when a position becomes avail) But in the meantime, I feel if I have to play racing cars etc anymore, I'm gonna scream!!!

I guess I'm just asking for someone to say snap out of it or that everything is gonna be ok & my DS will be alright. I just don't know anymore sad

Hi,

Forgot to mention, we did try that for a little while. But the cost of that was just too high, plus with the cost of conselling and doctors was just getting too much we had to cut that out too. Kindy, at the moment, can't come quick enough!

What about finding a hobby that you very much enjoy that you can also involve you boy in. So your both busy doing something fun but not in each others faces......
(Im clutching at straws)

I would give the playgroups another go, they are more about him than you, so it wouldn't matter if you weren't talking to many people. And you never know, you might meet someone in the same boat as you that feels shy or struggles to talk to people. Or what about activities like music class, swimming, storytime at your local library, soccer or kids gym or something where it will be more about the activity than talking to other people. At least your DS will be having fun and you might find you do too!! I think I would go crazy at home all the time with DS too! smile

Tried that. I love drawing but DS gets upset because he can't draw as well as mummy. Even when I play it down, he cracks the shits (excuse language) and refuses to try. I love photography, & even bought him a little camera of he's own but lasted 5mins. Bush walking, board games, puzzles etc just don't get him excited. Seems to have a very low attention spam, & it's driving me nuts. I would rather stick a pencil in my eye than play another round of star wars Lego. I don't mind building stuff with him, but I can't handle the fighting games he wants to play with them after.... It's just not me!
I'm try suggesting other things, but get shot down almost instantly! I'm starting to think he's afraid to try because he'll fail. My partner & I encourage as much as we can, but just doesn't trust his ability. Don't get me wrong, he's not violent, he's very loving but likes to play rough. & doesn't seem to have the ability to play on he's own, even for a moment.

I would give the playgroups another go, they are more about him than you, so it wouldn't matter if you weren't talking to many people. And you never know, you might meet someone in the same boat as you that feels shy or struggles to talk to people. Or what about activities like music class, swimming, storytime at your local library, soccer or kids gym or something where it will be more about the activity than talking to other people. At least your DS will be having fun and you might find you do too!! I think I would go crazy at home all the time with DS too! smile

Thanks, I should (will) try play group again. I know it's not about me, & need to put those feelings aside for the sake of DS.
it just gets so overwhelming sometimes I forget what is the real reason for going!
As for soccer or dance classes, I tried encouraging that to (he seemed to enjoy
that kind of thing) , but DS thinks that because he can kick a ball or tap his feet, he
doesn't need classes & won't participate. Stubborn little bugger he is :/

how old is your DS?

i suffered from pretty bad PND after we had our second child and was having similar issues with playgroups, social groups etc even tho ive always actually been very outgoing. my SIL said something to me that really helped onw time when i was complaining about the issues with meeting people and getting talking etc..she said 'did you tell them you had PND?' of corse i said hell no! why would i do that theyll just think im a freak or something..she insisted i try a new playgroup and introduce myself and actually tell mums there that im a bit shy atm as im suffering from PND, that im really trying to get out fo the house even tho im finding it really hard. well i did smile i out ant out said what she told me to and then the mums made an effort to talk to me and involve me in conversations even if i was reluctant, theyd ask questions which id give one word answers lol one mum kept pushing for me to say more and i eventually began to come out of my shell. she invited me for coffee one time (which scared me stiff..me with my kids in a cafe! OMG!) but i went smile that mum is now a good freiend and one i believe will be a friend for life

it can get better but ita not easy. i also went to a PND support group which was immensely helpful, i also refused meds. xxx ur not alone

how old is your DS?

i suffered from pretty bad PND after we had our second child and was having similar issues with playgroups, social groups etc even tho ive always actually been very outgoing. my SIL said something to me that really helped onw time when i was complaining about the issues with meeting people and getting talking etc..she said 'did you tell them you had PND?' of corse i said hell no! why would i do that theyll just think im a freak or something..she insisted i try a new playgroup and introduce myself and actually tell mums there that im a bit shy atm as im suffering from PND, that im really trying to get out fo the house even tho im finding it really hard. well i did smile i out ant out said what she told me to and then the mums made an effort to talk to me and involve me in conversations even if i was reluctant, theyd ask questions which id give one word answers lol one mum kept pushing for me to say more and i eventually began to come out of my shell. she invited me for coffee one time (which scared me stiff..me with my kids in a cafe! OMG!) but i went smile that mum is now a good freiend and one i believe will be a friend for life

it can get better but ita not easy. i also went to a PND support group which was immensely helpful, i also refused meds. xxx ur not alone

You know what gypsy kylz, I never actually thought about telling the other mums
about my PND. I think I was embarrassed, not that it's anything to be embarrassed
about.... These other women just seemed to have it sol together. & I thought PND
support groups were for women with newborns (not 4yo's). So I'll suss that out too.
Thanks for the ideas smile

As for soccer or dance classes, I tried encouraging that to (he seemed to enjoy that kind of thing), but DS thinks that because he can kick a ball or tap his feet, he doesn't need classes & won't participate. Stubborn little bugger he is :/

What about something completely different then, that's not a regular movement - like karate?

What about something completely different then, that's not a regular movement - like karate?