I was always a bit of a loner growing up, & always found it hard to make and keep friends (I'm an only child too). This never really bothered me, as I always enjoyed my own company. That was until my DS (now 4 & also an only) came along. He wasn't planned but is very muched loved all the same. I really struggled when he was first born, my DH is fantasticbut because he works away, (all our family are interstate) I was offen alone, & found myself getting really overwhelmed with it all. Went & saw my doctor, who said it was just 'baby blues' & that I would bounce back in no time, & that I should join a mothers group to be around people who knew what I was going thru. I did that, but found it
really hard to connect with any of them. My social skills are non existant & often found myself excluded in their conversations. I knew I had to work hard to get to know these people, but by the time I got up the courage to talk to them, they had formed their own little click & was offen ignored. Quickly spiralling into depression, & after a year of
being ignored, I quit. Went back to the doctor, he prescribed anti-depressants which
knocked me for six (to the point I couldn't look after DS). Promptly gave them them up,
& tried counseling. She was good, & convinced me to give play groups another go. Giving me some tips on how to overcome my anxiety & talk to people. But as soon as I go, all that helpful advice would go out the window. I would be back at square one, just with a new lot of mothers ignoring me sad after 6mths of that, I gave that away too.
Knowing that DS would be starting kindy soon, I thought we would just have to manage by ourselves for awhile. DS has become so heavily reliant on me to entertain him, it's become totally suffocating..... So with no one else to help & no outside interests of my own, I find myself avoiding him & just want to be left alone. I know it's not he's
fault & shouldn't be holed up with me all day. DS is starting to ask why other kids dont come to play, but I get soooo anxious at even at the thought of being in any social situation, I avoid them at all cost. I honestly dont want to
be like this & drag my DS down with me sad DH is trying to arrange to get work, closer to home, but that won't be able to happen for atleast a couple of months (when a position becomes avail) But in the meantime, I feel if I have to play racing cars etc anymore, I'm gonna scream!!!
I guess I'm just asking for someone to say snap out of it or that everything is gonna be ok & my DS will be alright. I just don't know anymore sad