I really need this evil toxic nasty abusive lying cheater gone for good he has done nothing but destroy every little bit of happiness and dreams i had and has made this pregnancy a nightmare that i can not enjoy even though i can not wait to meet my precious little bub.
I want him gone and i mean forever.

I would like to know if i did not hear from him from now until the baby is born (25weeks to go) and he attempts to make no contact or support me in any way, would a court allow me to permanently remove him from our lives and say he (and his nasty family) cant have anything to do with my baby since he showed no interest in it, never cared, ignored me for 5mths and never stopped lying to me and i have his original messages from when we found out (even though he planned this and asked for this) telling me to have a termination.

i have a friend who has a 7 year old and a 3 year old and there dad buggered off to england and made no contact for over 6mths and paid not one cent of child support and the court granted her permission to change there names and for him and his family to never see them again... I want the same. I can move on happily and give this child a happy life with many other male figures in its life from other men in my family (and hopefully one day a new partner) but i cant do that if i have to be miserable and have him in my life forever....

Its a long long story and i would never ever want to take away a fathers rights if he deserved them and actually made an effort but this man is pure evil and has done nothing to deserve the blessing of a new baby....

stressed to the limits and breaking down....

if anyone is able to shed some light on the WA laws or is a lawyer or legal aid personnel or knows someone who is i would very much love and appreciate your support and feedback... xx

call legal aid and they can only stop him from seeing you and bub if you can prove he is abusive,

sorry cant help much more then that

love the name, my daughters name is amelia and her lucky number is 11 smile

thats crap that your having to go through this.
I've never been in this situation but from what I've read on a few other threads here I THINK that if you don't put his name on the birth cert then he has to get a paternity test to prove he's the dad and will then have to pay child support ( from the sounds of it he wouldn't go to the effort).
I would probably keep and write down EVERYTHING is relation to you, him, the baby and his family - eg emails, txts, conversations, everything.
sorry can't be much more help.
hope it gets better for you soon, good luck.,

Sorry, I'm just a little bit confused. What do you mean "ignored you for 5 months" - aren't you only 15 weeks pregnant?

From what i gather (although you would need to confirm it with legal aid in your state) is that if you dont put him on the birth certificate, he would have to get a dna test to prove paternity. That way the baby would also have your last name and if you ever marry it would only require your signature to change it. Also you wouldnt be entiltled to child support (but by the sounds of it is isnt a very nice person so wouldnt pay it anyway)

Sorry, I'm just a little bit confused. What do you mean "ignored you for 5 months" - aren't you only 15 weeks pregnant?

by the time the baby is born it would have been around 5mths since not heard from him... hoping thats long enough in the courts eyes.. sad

Thanks for your replies so far ladies.. He would pay the child support more than happily as he can more than afford to he is very successful in his position but i dont want his money. he would pay it just so that he gets more chance of seeing the baby. He is a powerful very intelligent man with access to a lot more resources than ill ever have and he will happily go the rest of the pregnancy without contacting me BUT i know he will definitely take me to court to have the baby after its born..
If i thought he was going to disappear of the planet and never contact me again after the baby was born as well then i wouldnt be so sick and stressed sad Thats why i need to find out if i can deny him from having anything to do with the baby when its born if he hasnt contacted me for 5mths (the rest of the pregnancy)

The simple answer is no - just because he's a lousy partner doesn't mean he'll be a lousy father. And if he really has all those "resources" you might be better off spending the next 5 months being civil to him and trying to work out a custody arrangement without going to court.

The simple answer is no - just because he's a lousy partner doesn't mean he'll be a lousy father. And if he really has all those "resources" you might be better off spending the next 5 months being civil to him and trying to work out a custody arrangement without going to court.

He is already a lousy father when he cant even care for his unborn child by making sure i am healthy and happy which is just as much his responsibility as mine... I vomit numerous times a day.i cant eat, cant sleep and cry all day and have stress and anxiety levels through the roof which i know have detrimental effects to the developing fetus (and he knows as he is a medical professional) yet doesn't care.

i am always civil, i have to be. i live in a "yes DH, no DH" relationship where i have no choice but to do as i am told when i am told or i get threatening and blackmailed and this small town someone like him will squash me like an ant whether its through fact or fiction. I already have no support as i was never allowed friends after i met him so i have no one.... He can say what he wants and the whole world would believe him over me thanks to his professional standing (as he so often reminds me) no one else sees his nasty side or would believe me if i told them..

but if its a no and the court wont agree then looks like the poor baby will be the victim of a controlling evil man as well and none of us will ever be happy...

I tend to agree with Cruxy.

You have to ask yourself and then honestly answer.. 'Is this is what is best for our child?' It's a hard one to answer honestly (I know, I have been through something similar recently).

You might not like him, but it's not fair to force your feelings and opinions on your child. Put all the BS aside and help them have a relationship.

You have a long way to go with this guy...

Choose the easy way for all.

Firstly, you need to have solid evidence for the court, so yes, keep all contact he sends you via email, text,FB, etc.

Secondly, you NEED to contact Legal Aid in your state to find out where you stand.

DO NOT tell him you are seeking legal advice or keeping correspondence. He will censor & carefully word things if he knows or he will ring you or see you in person. Phone calls cannot be legally recorded without his knowledge & are inadmissable in court anyway.

Having been through a custody battle, I can tell you the following.

Judges do not like to keep children away from either parent, unless there is documented evidence of violence, mental/emotional abuse, drug/alcohol issues etc. In these instances, they will more than likely order for supervised contact with an authority figure present at a neutral location for a couple of hours per week & no overnight stays.

They also do not give majority or full custody of a child to a father without good reason.

As for a newborn, they generally see it, that the baby is best being with their mothers.

So in most cases, the court would be on your side as far as majority custody is concerned.

You do not have to name the father on the birth certificate, but you cannot then claim child support.

His 'intelligence?' (sorry, but how intelligent is he really doing this to you?), money resources don't mean a thing in the court. Hard evidence does.

So ring legal aid, keep everything, as in print it out & make a 2nd copy, keep them safe. When you get a legal representative, give them a copy immediately.

It is a long process, so be prepared for that. It will not happen overnight.

Ring Legal Aid & take it from there.

All the best to you & your precious bundle.

I tend to agree with Cruxy.

You have to ask yourself and then honestly answer.. 'Is this is what is best for our child?' It's a hard one to answer honestly (I know, I have been through something similar recently).

You might not like him, but it's not fair to force your feelings and opinions on your child. Put all the BS aside and help them have a relationship.

You have a long way to go with this guy...

Choose the easy way for all.

thanks i can understand your POV and its not that i am completely ignorant to the idea, i think about it every second of every day and i would love if he was civil and nice enough for that to work, that would obviously be the best case scenario..

but i cant move past the fact that a happy mother and child who is not a victim of his nastiness is a better option.

He has another child to his first wife and she tried very hard to be civil and nice and tried hard to make things fair and equitable and he dragged her backwards through he court, publicly defamed her and lied through his teeth to degrade her and make her lose everything she had until she couldn't take anymore and the court allowed her to move to another city 5 hours away as he had made her so physically and mentally sick depressed and ruined her ability to be a good mother around him cos she was so stressed and depressed. The court agreed she needed to be happy and healthy to be the mother she can be..

Thats how i know whats coming for me, only i cant move away even if i wanted too as i have another child too who has a great father and i have a great 'ex'relationship with we have a very good agreement and it works well for us and our daughter i would never take her away from his as he deserves to be a father and doesnt make my life hell for his own pleasure...

no matter how hard i try and do things right even if i gave him everything he wants he would still do to me what he did prior to our relationship because he has the ability to and loves the power and control it gives him to ruin people he hates.

[quote name='Lindt Balls' date='09 February 2012 - 09:43 AM' timestamp='1328744610' post='3141744'] thank you for your support and advice i will organise to meet with LegalAid and if the news is unfortunetly what im thinking it will be then my next appt wont be with a lawyer (whats the point) it will be with a psychologist to work out strategies for managing this upcoming life!

first thing first is to decide whether or not to stay living like this or to grow some b***S and tell him he needs to leave. he sends me a message every few days telling me we are done and he is going for good this time (usually when i question a lie he has told) but he never means it he hasn't left yet and been saying it for a year. I just want to know what im going to do if i do make him leave (a task on its own! not sure how i get him to move out?)

One thing I don't get - if you knew the guy was an ar$ehole why did you even get involved with him in the fist place? And why did you agree to have a baby with him if he treats you like crap?

One thing I don't get - if you knew the guy was an ar$ehole why did you even get involved with him in the fist place? And why did you agree to have a baby with him if he treats you like crap?

Because i am a naive stupid idiot who was tricked into believing the beautiful words that came out of his mouth that i wished for a long time to hear...

Because underneath my worst enemy and betrayer is the man i have more love for than any other man i will ever meet. On the flip side (which i see so rarely now) is my best friend and soul mate and the person i never thought i would live without. I did not know he was an "a$$hole" until this past year when he completely changed, he was not like this for the first few years of our friendship/relationship. He was loving, caring, honest, calm (well that i thought) ..This is a man whos inner monster has only revealed since his court battle with his ex wife and a run of affairs and now constant lies.

I agreed to have his baby as he has asked for over a year now to have our own family and promised me that it would make a difference for him and he promised to make my dreams come true and we would be happy and all he wanted for us was to move forward and be a real family (ie a child of our own) and its something that was important to him and he needed. I gave him what i thought he needed to make the changes that I needed to see in him...

I refused for a long long time saying he was not consistent enough and continues to lie to me and he said this would change it all.I gave him the hint it was over before christmas and he begged me to give him one last chance as that was all he needed to prove he was real this time...

I am human, and we all love to hear and believe those lovely words "ill never do it again". i had to trust and believe him and give him the one last chance he looked into my eyes and asked for...

I will never give anyone my trust again until it is well earnt and even then ill be watching my back. as i wrote to someone else

"always question where your loyalties lie, the people you trust will expect it, the people you despise will desire it and the people you treasure the most will abuse it"

he use to be so open and had no secrets and told me everything and we both had acess to phones, emails,facebook, filing cabinets (we each have our own) and everything else. now he can still look at anything of mine he has all passwords, keys etc but he has changed all passwords on everything and even his iphone has a new code so that i can not even do puzzles on it anyone like i use too. i also have been locked out of his filing cabinet the key is hidden.

this makes me soooo angry my blood boils since i have never given any reason to not trust me. i have never lied cheated nor kept a secret. these things just make me soo much angrier.

It sounds like you need to stop being the victim in your relationship and take charge of your life. Don't wait for him to move out. Pack your stuff and go. Find a happy, safe home for you and the baby and surround yourself with reliable friends. If you are in a happy place mentally, it will be much easier to deal with him. If you're planning to BF, he will have limited access to your bub anyway. There's no point staying in a toxic relationship - they do not get better - ever.

It sounds like you need to stop being the victim in your relationship and take charge of your life. Don't wait for him to move out. Pack your stuff and go. Find a happy, safe home for you and the baby and surround yourself with reliable friends. If you are in a happy place mentally, it will be much easier to deal with him. If you're planning to BF, he will have limited access to your bub anyway. There's no point staying in a toxic relationship - they do not get better - ever.

very very true...your right that it will be easier to deal with if im in a happier place mentally... hopefully the psych ive just booked in with can help in the mental department too... Thanks for your replies and just listening to my whinge.. its nice to just write it let alone get a reply. so far its been stuck in my head with no one to talk to about it and i feel some relief already. i appreciate your time in reading and replying. thanks x