My partner and i have been together for over a year and are now expeccting a baby. I also have a little boy already from a previous relationship. My partner is constantly struggling to trust me, I have never done anything to betray him or given him reason to not trust me. I used to be very confident (not saying that it is him that has changed that) i would straighten my hair every day, wear make up and try to make my self 'look good' before i did anything in the morning.

However, if i was to do that now he freaks out and gets angry bcoz he thinks i'm doing it for some one else. and another example, just yesterday i was meeting my parents in town to have a coffee and put on some mascara and eyeliner. afterwards i went back to their house so i could see my brother and sister after they finished school, anyways time got away from me and i left my phone in the car. When i left and 4 i checked my phone and there were quite a few abusive messages with him accusing me of sleeping around and when i got home and he saw i had make up on that just set him off more.

He already has issues with me being pregnant (thinks its not his, bcoz apparently i'm a S$%T) and i dont need this kind of stress and i dont want my son to be exposed to this. Our relationship is most of the time great but that is only if i stay at home all the time and am constantly in contact with him so he knows what i'm up to. I dont see my friends and have deleted facebook bcoz he thinks that it just gives me a chance to be unfaithful.. HELP ME PLEASE

I know exactly what you are going through I had the same problem when me and my partner when we got together... I had to stop talking to all me friends had to get a new sim card and only now after 4 years have I been able to get facebook. He used to do the same thing if I didnt answer my mobile. I dont really know what to say only over time he got better, Hopfully your partner does the same!!

I have had to change my number 3 times since we started dating and the worst part is i go to university and he doesnt even believe that i'm going there to get an education so that one day i can be the best mum for my kids, apparently im just going there to socialise and also i apparently have a boyfriend that goes to uni aswell and that is why i go every day that i need to bcoz i can do the classes over the net and he doesnt see why i would rather go do the work on campus. i feel like im slowly going insane and theres nothing i can do about it.

There is absolutely no way I would be keeping that person in my life if I were you. Emotional abuse is very real, only its something that creeps up on you and you don't even realise that's what it is.

A relationship has to be give and take. He is taking from you and giving nothing in return. I'm talking about respect, trust, love, companionship, understanding your feelings, and acting accordingly because we realise that our actions have an impact on the partner.

Your partner is not giving you this. This is not something you can fix, only he can do that. To put it bluntly I would leave. Abuse often starts out as him making sure you are isolated and have no one to support you. This starts with cutting off your friends and eventually your family too. It all leads down a road to where the abuse becomes more prominent over time, and will continue to get to a point where your confidence is so worn down that you feel too helpless to leave.

Think about how that will affect your children. No normal man calls his partner a slut and accuses her of sleeping around without good cause.

There is absolutely no way I would be keeping that person in my life if I were you. Emotional abuse is very real, only its something that creeps up on you and you don't even realise that's what it is.

A relationship has to be give and take. He is taking from you and giving nothing in return. I'm talking about respect, trust, love, companionship, understanding your feelings, and acting accordingly because we realise that our actions have an impact on the partner.

Your partner is not giving you this. This is not something you can fix, only he can do that. To put it bluntly I would leave. Abuse often starts out as him making sure you are isolated and have no one to support you. This starts with cutting off your friends and eventually your family too. It all leads down a road to where the abuse becomes more prominent over time, and will continue to get to a point where your confidence is so worn down that you feel too helpless to leave.

Think about how that will affect your children. No normal man calls his partner a slut and accuses her of sleeping around without good cause.

Could not have said it better myself............100% agree

U say u want to protect ur children nd have there best interest at heart. Children pick up on ur emotions nd how ur feeling so u feeling like this they r also feeling, not to mention they run the risk of growing up nd being just like there dad nd think its totally ok to treat women like nd if u have a daughter u r showing her that is ok to b abused nd treated like ***. I no from personally experience how hard it is to pull urself back up after emotional abuse nd believe me it took years................Get out now nd b true to ur self nd ur children.

I completely agree with chalys. This is a form of domestic abuse, even though he is not hitting you he is hurting you emotionally and mentally. My ex partner who I had a son with started off by isolating me from my friends, then I wasn't allowed to see my family either, he would call me names and keep ne locked up cleaning the house all day. He eventually turned physically violent. I spent years after I left him in therapy because I got that scared going out I would have severe panic attacks. I ended up with social anxiety disorder and have lost a lot of my life and independence because of his selfishness. I am still completely not the same happy person I used to be. Do not waste your life away to make someone else happy. Trust me its not worth it. I hope you can resolve the problem soon. Goodluck.

I agree with the others, this is emotional/mental abuse. Men like this reel you in to right where they want you, cut you off from family and friends and the outside world...

You can't make him change, only he can do that and firstly he would have to admit that what he is doing is COMPLETELY inappropriate.

If I knew that I had never been unfaithful to my partner and he was doubting that my baby was his I would kick his rude ass to the curb in a second. No way would I tolerate that behaviour. I spent 2.5yrs in a phyisically abusive relationship and I tell you what, the day i walked out the door was the best day of my life. It saved me from him and from myself.

Get out now while you still can, before you can't even see your parents. No one deserves to live like that, especially not your children.

Our relationship is like yo-yo, its either really really good or the complete opposite. And it doesnt help that we are currently living with his parents. I know that he would never physically abuse me or my son. But he has never been in a serious relationship before so perhaps he just doesnt know how a serious relationship works and how to maintain the happiness. I can understand how hard it would be to be in your first serious relationship with a baby that isnt yours and then less then a year later your having a baby of your own. Its all very scary and he is only 23 years old.

Our relationship is like yo-yo, its either really really good or the complete opposite. And it doesnt help that we are currently living with his parents. I know that he would never physically abuse me or my son. But he has never been in a serious relationship before so perhaps he just doesnt know how a serious relationship works and how to maintain the happiness. I can understand how hard it would be to be in your first serious relationship with a baby that isnt yours and then less then a year later your having a baby of your own. Its all very scary and he is only 23 years old.

Our relationship is like yo-yo, its either really really good or the complete opposite. And it doesnt help that we are currently living with his parents. I know that he would never physically abuse me or my son. But he has never been in a serious relationship before so perhaps he just doesnt know how a serious relationship works and how to maintain the happiness. I can understand how hard it would be to be in your first serious relationship with a baby that isnt yours and then less then a year later your having a baby of your own. Its all very scary and he is only 23 years old.

Sorry to sound harsh but you need to stop making excuses for him. I know several guys that have taken on relationships where the woman already has a child and they do not treat their partners like that. It's going to get worse before it gets better... There is no excuse for his behaviour. Have you suggested he go and get some counselling for his issues? You might think he would never physically abuse you or the kids but mental/emotional abuse is just as bad and once they have you trapped in most cases they do start physically abusing you...

Good luck with it all smile

Im sure its going to get better i just wanted to know if anyone had any advice on what i could do to get it moving in the right direction

Im sure its going to get better i just wanted to know if anyone had any advice on what i could do to get it moving in the right direction

You can sit down and try and have a civil conversation with him about it and explain your feelings and that you aren't cheating on him. Ask him what his problem is. You can suggest he seeks counselling. You can stop doing what he says, you are your own person smile

Sorry if you didn't like my comments but having been in an abusive relationship myself and I've spent the last 25yrs watching the *** marriage my mum is stuck in I know what the warning signs are and I know that it's no way for anyone to live, especially not children!

Im sure its going to get better i just wanted to know if anyone had any advice on what i could do to get it moving in the right direction

U seem to b making excuses for him nd if u ur self didn't think there was a problem then u wouldn't have posted in here.

PP nd myself have told u from personally experience wot it's like yet ur not taking anything we say in nd then defend him. U r in denial as much as he is in denial for wot he does to u. Sry to sound harsh, but reality is abuse in relationships r real nd should b taken seriously, y do u want to b little ue self?????????????

Also why would you want to be with someone that calls you a s**t?? When someone truly loves and cares about another person they don't call them names like that.

Don't settle for less than you are worth smile

Dont panic i completely understand where your coming from, I was exposed to the same thing when i was a child and watched my sister go through it so i know what the warning signs are. Its nice to have people to talk to thats whyi joined huggies and to have so many people that want to help you. I just want all of you mums on huggies to know that i really appreciate all the advice you give me and how willing you all are to help even though no one even knows me. YOUR ALL AMAZING

Denial plays a huge part in domestic abuse. The woman tries so hard to make it work that she hangs onto the days that have been great... and those few days give her false hope that one day every day will be like that.

It is also what causes her to see it as something she can change, as though altering your own personality will stop it from happening, make him happy, and therefore when things go wrong, blame herself for his anger.

If a man has changed you for the worst... if you have once been a confident woman that once straightened her hair, wore makeup and enjoyed socialising... and are no longer that person because of HIM.

THAT IS ABUSE.

Admitting this is the first step to fixing it. The last step is leaving. I'm sorry I'm being harsh but I see this way too often and it makes me sick, there are NO EXCUSES that make it ok.

I hope that you will see this soon and leave before it gets worse, because believe me, it will get worse, he is capable of violence and he will become violent if this continues - you just can't see that because you're in denial.

I'm going to again agree with the others. When I was with my ex, we were together for 3 months then I fell pregnant, this was when I was 18 and he was 20. When I found out I was pregnant we moved from Sydney back to our hometown and we moved in with his parents. He didn't start hitting me straight away, and you know what I never believed that he would, but he did. I was raped and beaten by him throughout the rest of my pregnancy, I have had guns held to ny head and driven out to the middle of nowhere with a gun and shovel after being told he was taking me out there to kill me. We might sound like broken records to you, I started a thread in the post natal depression forum lat year about mothers living with domestic abuse that was 7 years after I left him and it still affects me on a daily basis. If I can try to drum it into someones head before they end up like me I will try. Don't make excuses for him.

Im sure its going to get better i just wanted to know if anyone had any advice on what i could do to get it moving in the right direction

??? Why would it get better? Do you think he's gonna wake up one day and go "I can't believe what a jerk I've been!". It's only gonna get worse - and I'm 99% sure that one day he will snap and hit you, and then blame you for it.
Stop making excuses for his behaviour. What's being in his first serious relationship got to do with anything? That's not the way normal guys behave.
If I were you I'd go to couple's counselling, and if he refuses, I'd be leaving.
I cannot believe that you can't even put make up on without him getting suspicious - I don't think you even realise how crazy that is!

I was in an emotionally/mentally abusive relationship for nearly 10 years & it ended with him assaulting me after he accused me of sleeping around, for the millionth time & then he threatened to slit my throat. I left that night, had him charged, otherwise I would be dead by now.

I got questioned in much the same manner as you, where are you going? Who are you seeing? Why are you wearing makeup? etc. (I've been wearing makeup pretty much every day since I was 16). Even at my work I'd get, who are you talking to on the phone? FFS, I was a manager & had to talk to customers in person & on the phone. If I was 1 minute late getting home from work I was accused of seeing someone else.

I lost all my friends, he cut me off from my family, he controlled everything.

It does not get better. It only gets worse, much worse. I am lucky, in that we had no children.

If your partner has trust issues, that is his problem, not yours & you should not be subjected to his accusations & denigrating comments.

It is NOT OK to live like this. Don't let yourself & your children become victims. You need to take a stand for yourself, your child & your baby.

Please listen to the advice myself & others are giving you. Don't bury your head in the sand & think it will get better & life will be rosy - IT WON'T! Get help now. I would hate for you or your children to become domestic violence fatalities.

Good luck.

Totally 100% agree with everyone else.
you say your relationship is "most of the time great" so maybe try this if you have a diary make a note each day if it was a good day or a bad day - eg just write G for good of B for bad.
a Good day would equal no insults at all, no abusive phone calls or texts.
a Bad day would equal him calling you a S*#t, accusing you for cheating, questioning where you are - anything like that.
then you will have it on paper how many days are good and how many days are bad. - this may put a little more perspective on it for you.

Run now. Leave and don't look back. Go home to your parents. I know it isn't what you want to hear, but there is a reason we are all giving you the same advice. He's not going to change honey and a real partner does not behave this way. If not for yourself leave for your children - do you really want your son growing up thinking this is an acceptable way to treat women???

Good luck honey x

It's a really hard thing to see when you're in that situation, but it IS abuse. I know it's little things here and there, and each one in itself may not be enough to end a relationship over, but it's a pattern and it will only get worse.

My advice would be to contact a domestic violence worker. You should be able to find one through your nearest community health center or even centerlink (I think?). Have a meeting with them, tell them your concerns. They can see the patterns and even if you choose not to leave, they can help you develop a plan and give you the resources to protect yourself and your kids, if (or rather WHEN) things get too much.

I have no doubt your partner is a really great guy when he's happy & sober, and that's what makes these decisions hard. But when push comes to shove you need to ask yourself... are the good time really worth putting up with the bad? Is it getting worse? Am I changing myself to make him happy? Do I feel truly loved or just owned? Do I feel like I'm walking on eggshells?

You truly deserve to be in a healthy, respectful relationship, and if he can't offer you that then you're selling yourself short.

hugs x