I'm 35 and I have been in a marriage now for 11 years and together for almost 13years. We have one daughter who is 3. We had problems prior to having our child but we thought we loved each other and stayed together. After having a baby our relationship has gone downhill. We love (or care?) for each other but hate each other. We hardly agree on anything and everyday we seem argue with each other for the most simplest things. Eg I don't want tv first thing in the morning- he does, I prepare healthy food for our child - he adds sugars, sauces when not needed, he plays computer games while our child is up, he smokes, he drinks,doesn't want to mow the lawns, taking our child out instead of always playing inside, offering to help out or just helping when it is required....

I feel in a horrible place - a depressed place - I feel I should stay with my husband as it is best for my daughter - eg we have a house and financially it is better. However I don't feel happy and I am scared of the future.....how will I be on my own? Can I afford to pay rent....I am interstate and have no relatives here....Will my daughter be ok? I don't want the situation where I have her one week and then the other week she stays at my husbands! I do not think this is good for little ones - they need a stable environment.

Oh, and I am sick of seeing happy families...with two children or more just smiling and cruising along! I would have loved to have had two children in a happy partnership...

I have no-one to talk to, other than family who are biased and new friends who I can't open up to yet.

Hi, I'm so sorry to hear about the problems you're having.
It's so hard to know what the right decision is knowing that there's (usually) no going back if you decide to leave.
Have you considered counselling? Either on your own or as a couple?
It might help you to get to the bottom of where these feelings are coming from & help you to get to a place where you know if you can make the relationship work. Often the petty arguments are a symptom of some other deep-seated resentment that a counsellor may help to resolve.

Even strong relationships pre-kids can take a battering in the first few years after having a baby. You forget how to be a couple & find yourselves acting more like colleagues whose job it is to raise the children.
Try to remember what first attracted you to your husband & try not to let every little thing that he does annoy you!

Good luck x

He is not being a proper parent or support to you and I find that shocking.

If you are depressed and he is not changing then it would be better if you were happy without him wouldn't it? Have you talked to him about this?

Perhaps go on a "holiday" with your daughter if you can afford it - give him some time to think about whether he wants to change to do better for his family.

You could leave some parenting things for him to read and a few jobs for him to do. And talk to him properly when you get back. If you come home and he has been playing video games the whole time and the house is full of cigarette butts and empty alcohol bottles... then he probably doesn't want to change which is not really going to help things.

He sounds a bit like my partner 3 years ago and he is only 24! (My partner would NEVER undermine my parenting choices though). So I think your partner really doesn't have an excuse, he is mature enough surely to know better. He is your daughter's role model so I think he needs to improve himself for that reason too.

If you did decide to leave, I don't have a clue what visitation or shared custody would be, but I guess you'd need to talk to him about that too. He would probably just go for some weekends? I agree it does make it complicated. Best option is ask him to improve himself? You shouldn't make yourself depressed just to salvage a relationship that isn't giving you anything in return.

I could have written a lot of this.

Me and my husband are in a similar place, dont speak unless necessary or its to do with our daughter, or to argue about anything and everything.

I hate to say it but at times i really feel like i cant stand him, and i know he is the same, its like we hate each other.

I know its probably best to split up for my own happiness but what about my girl? I work full time whereas he is a stay at home dad, so i would have to probably pay child support, and only get to see her on weekends, i dont think i could cope. So at the moment we say/do nothing because neither one of us wants to give up the time with our baby.

We have seperated once before for about 6 months, i was hesitant getting back together but he was insistent. Been back together for 8 months and things seem worse than before. Issues on both sides of the relationship.

So i dont have a lot of advice, as im in the same boat. But i also wonder, has anyones marriage recovered from this? I have been feeling this hatred towards our marriage for over year now and it doesnt seem to get better, the resentment of past problems, i just cant seem to get over.

And eightlate, i also feel more depressed when i read other peoples stories about their happiness with their lives, their husbands etc. It makes me want to be in that place too, but i dont see me ever getting there with my husband.

Sorry to hijack.