Low libido

I have a REALLY low libido, and have had for over 2 years now sad
I was fine during my pregnancy with DD. After the birth I had a tear which was stitched and didn't seem to heal very well - it took 8 months until I had "painfree" sex!! Obviously I wasn't too turned on by the idea of sex at the time as I was scared of it hurting. But even since it has stopped hurting to have sex, I just don't ever "want" it... I never feel the urge. And my hubby works away so I guess with him being away I get used to not having it, but when he's home I don't want it either. (And I used to be total opposite! Couldn't wait to get in the sack when he was home!) I want to though, I just find it really hard to get in the mood. Sometimes once we get going it is great and I get into it, other times I can't get into it at all and just go through the motions.
It is really taking a toll on our marriage now. Obviously men being men, they need sex to feel loved. And I know hubby is feeling very unloved. And he knows I'm not really into it half the time. I do love him, and want to WANT sex again, I have no idea how to make that happen though sad I have even been praying for my mojo back!!
I know low libido can be common after having a baby but after 2 years I would of thought it would of returned by now.... Now I am pregnant again and still not feeling any mojo.
I don't think it helps much either that I feel very un-sexy myself. I'm not happy with my body at all and feel very unattractive.

Anyone been through this and how long did it take to return to normal.. and how? Any advice appreciated.

I feel exactly the same way! My girl is 20 months now and still never feel like sex. I want to feel like it!! Were just starting to try for number 2 so thats getting me a little more in the mood (but for the wrong reasons)
I'm awaiting other replies you get too.
Have thought about going to the doctor about it but cant build up the courage!

Hi, im with you. since by DD was 2 months old i havent wanted it at all.

DH and i talked about it and came to the conclusion that by the time i did everything with the kids (dinner/bath/bed ect) i was too tired to do anything and went to bed by 9.30. DH wouldnt until about midnight so there wasnt any time to do it because i dont want to be woken up especially when i have to get up at 3 to feed DD. (shes 4 months now).

so we decided to make time for each other by him helping me bath/feed kids and make sure their asleep by 8.30 so we have an hour of just lying in bed/cuddling each other, even if it doesnt lead to anything. We have found that since we've made time for each other again it has renewed our sex life. majority of the time he would give me a message, and 75% of the time it would lead to other things tongue it has made me feel more loved.

good luck and has anyone else noticed that its been after they've had their daughter?

I feel exactly the same way! My girl is 20 months now and still never feel like sex. I want to feel like it!! Were just starting to try for number 2 so thats getting me a little more in the mood (but for the wrong reasons)
I'm awaiting other replies you get too.
Have thought about going to the doctor about it but cant build up the courage!

I was the same when we were trying to get pregnant again, and I know it's made him feel very used. He has said to me a few times the only time you want it is when you want to get pregnant.

It really makes me sad, and I don't know what to do.

I think I will have to go talk to the Dr as well... but feeling very embarrassed by it, it's going to be hard. We had a talk about it last night (again) and I promised I would at least go talk to a Dr about it.

Hi, im with you. since by DD was 2 months old i havent wanted it at all.

DH and i talked about it and came to the conclusion that by the time i did everything with the kids (dinner/bath/bed ect) i was too tired to do anything and went to bed by 9.30. DH wouldnt until about midnight so there wasnt any time to do it because i dont want to be woken up especially when i have to get up at 3 to feed DD. (shes 4 months now).

so we decided to make time for each other by him helping me bath/feed kids and make sure their asleep by 8.30 so we have an hour of just lying in bed/cuddling each other, even if it doesnt lead to anything. We have found that since we've made time for each other again it has renewed our sex life. majority of the time he would give me a message, and 75% of the time it would lead to other things tongue it has made me feel more loved.

good luck and has anyone else noticed that its been after they've had their daughter?

I think our lack of time together and general "intimacy" in other areas, not bedroom related, hasn't helped our situation. I have tried to tell DH that for a woman to want sex, they need to feel that connection the whole time (like hugs, holding hands, kissing and talking) throughout the day, not just attention when it comes to bedtime - we don't have a sex switch like men do!! But he doesn't understand it.

I started feeling very resentful about sex, as he spends 99% of his spare time in his shed (he works on his boat and car, and stuff for other people too, in his time off) and so I get no attention all day, UNTIL it's time to go to bed and he wants some action.

I tried to explain that to him before, but he says he doesn't think that's the problem - as far as he's concerned the only problem is that he's not getting any!

Well this is helping anyway... getting it all out.
I have had a few lightbulb moments. But I still don't know how to fix things.

I think it's definately a combination of emotional (relationship issues) and physical (hormone related or something!)

I tried just about everything to fix this very problem... sexy lingerie, 'adult toys' lol, horny goat weed, you name it. I had absolutely no interest in sex. And honestly, the ONLY thing that helped was time. DS2 will be turning 4 in less than 3 months, and it is literally only in the last 2 months or so that I have started enjoying sex again - it was like a light suddenly switched on, and BAM, my mojo was back lol. It was strange actually... the feeling of being genuinely turned on was so foreign to me after 4 years of drought that I didn't quite know how to handle it (I figured it out pretty quickly lol tongue )

He has been FIFO for about the last year, and was disappointed time after time when he'd come home and I wouldn't be really interested in sex. HIs two weeks away was a welcome break for me in that department to be brutally honest; I missed him like crazy, don't get me wrong, I was lost without him, but didn't miss the awkwardness in the bedroom. I'd do it anyway when he was home, but he could tell when I wasn't into it and I couldn't always muster up the energy to fake it (sounds so awful saying that). I just about reached the point of complete despair, it was depressing for both of us. I started trying to think about it more while he was away, that might have helped a little; I tried to make myself look forward to it, and during one of his swings away, I just all of a sudden did. I didn't say anything to him, so when he came home and we had our first passionate, mutually satisfying romp in years he was pleasantly surprised to say the least lol. We've gone from strength to strength since then smile

I'm sorry not to have any real advice... I hope it doesn't take as long for you as it did for me. I know how hard it is, you feel like the worst wife in the world. Hang in there, and somehow try to tell your DH to do the same. Whatever he does, he can't give up - you'll get it back, he needs to keep trying and that means listening to you, to what you want by way of intimacy. Even if it doesn't involve sex straight away, he needs to realise that pressuring you doesn't help, it makes you feel inadequate when you can't perform. You require a lot of patience for him, it will be frustraing at the time and he may have to get used to blue balls for a while (pardon the crude expression lol) but it will pay off in the end.

This probably isn't relevant to you seeing you're pregnant again but I thought I'd mention it in case anyone else reading finds it benefical.

Consider if your contraception could be the issue. I have just stopped taking the pill (monofeme) and oh my god the difference! Seriously, I'd been in a slump for ages where we're only having sex every couple weeks and I was never really in the mood for it. Since coming of the pill several weeks ago my libido is back on with a vengence! Every day sometimes twice - my hubby is loving it!

I think because you get so much hands on with your baby especially if you are breastfeeding. We spend so much time with our kids and thats prob enough were as the men want sex as they don't have the same connection with the babies as we do..Just another idea. Sometimes at the end of the day i dont even want the poor dog to touch me..I need a little breather

I hope this makes sense,I prob worded it wrong