advice please! inlaws

Gosh darn!!!!

Im feeling very mad right now! You can have a look at the full story on the other feed "how lousy are my inlaws" but ill give you the short of it.

We invited mil and family down for easter. Haven't see them since xmas when we came up to them. This morning I got a txt saying they wouldn't be coming. Dh was looking at his step sisters fb and saw that they have decided to go to bussleton instead of come here. Its the same distance. The only difference is we haven't got a boat and their friends in busselton do.

This is the second time they have done this now. It makes me so angry because it hurts dh and dd misses out on getting to know her family.

So the question is. Do you think we should straight out ask them why they have done this? I mean in a non confrontational way.
Or should I just click like on sil fb so that they know we know and see what happens?

I would tell them exactly what you are feeling. No point dropping hints etc, it never works in my experience. Be the bigger person and tell them outright that what they are doing upsets you and dh and that you want your daughter to be able to know her family. That way it's all out there and you can relax knowing you have tried your best and hopefully they finally get it and start making changes to the way they spend their time smile Good Luck, I can totally understand the IL thing roll eyes

I think your DH should confront them.

they are his parents & HE should tell them how it has upset him & that his DD is missing out.

i think that you should say nothing until he has tried to deal with it first.

ETA: i think it is extremely rude & i would be peeved off mightily & prolly would never invite them again...

It best thing to get it out in the open.

Hubby & i have told sil what we think of her action & she block us on FB. So we know where we stand & if when we come face to face she will know our wishes.

If you do say something just keep in mind what they may say back.

I think you need to get it out in the open, maybe your DH could bring it up with them, it seems to go over better when there the ones doing it.

Something definitely needs to be said - and ideally it should be said by your DH.

It's nothing short of selfish, self-centredness and rudeness that they keep doing this to your DH, your DD and you.

It's just not right sad
Your poor DH sad

At least your DD doesn't know that she's missing out, but it must be hard for your DH to see over and over that his family is so self absorbed and shows such utter disinterest in him and his family...
He really should say something to them and let them know how their actions are affecting him.

Well I spoke to dh about it tonight. He said he doesn't want to say anything because his mother is the sort of person to start an all out screaming match and hold a grudge fir the rest of his life. (Which is true - she wouldn't speak to either of us gor three weeks because we changed our wedding venue.)

I told him that really if she was to stop talking to us altogether it wouldn't be any different to now.

I said to him this is the last straw for me. I said I dont mind talking it out with the in laws myself if it comes to that. But I will not allow this to happen again I said this is the second time they've dropped us for someone else and the third time they've hurt dh in less than 12 months. I said I will leave it up to him this last time but one more incident and ill be taking it into my own hands.

Im not sure if I was too harsh by giving this ultimatum? Im just not one to ne walked all over or to allow anyone to the people I love. Do you think I over stepped the mark??

I understand what your DH is saying, but sheesh - these people need to be put in their place.. Their son & grandchild should be a little more important to them than that. I guess sometimes people just take it for granted that you will always be at their disposal, someone to visit when they dont have anything better to do... its just so rude.

I hope for his sake he does say something - anything - who knows, they might not actually know that they are being so thoughtless.. they may just be so self absorbed, that it doesnt cross their minds.

I dont think that you were harsh & i dont think that you overstepped the mark.. sometimes our men need a little push to get stuff done. if you cant be brutally honest with you spouse, who can you?

I hope it works out - whatever way you want it to go.

Well dh must have thought about it all night because he txt his mum this morning. (I know face palm. Not how I would have handled it) he said 'why aren't you coming to see us? Busso isn't any closers (not. What I would have said) and she sent back ' they (meaning her husband and two teenagers) wanted to go skiing. They haven't been since Queensland'
They went to Queensland a few weeks before dds first birthday and it was the reason they didn't come to her party.

I said to dh, well now we know where we stand and you know we haven't done anything to deserve it. Now everyone knows its all on them. Which means we get passed it and move on.

I dont think there is a physchologist in the world that could fix the mess that is dhs family.

I feel sad because of the hurt for dh and because now I KNOW my kids aren't going to know his family.

your poor DH

what a poor excuse - i guess now you know & there wont be any expectation of them to come visit, or to any event..

i would continue to invite them to any significant events - then they cant say that they 'werent invited', but know that they wont come, even if they say they are.

big hugs to you guys.

Ask them after the weekend is over what they did and see what they say - then casually drop in 'Oh SIL said you went to......'! LOL

Sounds like us. My FIL is always at us about when we are coming to visit or stay at his place (2 1/2hrs away), BUT he comes to the town where we live at least once a fortnight for work or passing through and has called to see our kids once in the last year for 10minutes!! My SIL lives in the same town as us and he sees her pretty much every visit!!

My MIL lives 2 hrs away also and is always saying call in (like its around the corner), but she'll come to town for 3-4 days, stay at SIL's house and visit us for 1hr on her way home!!

I've learnt not to worry - its their loss. I just make sure I rub in that my eldest, now 6, missed them when they decided not to come to school/birthday/visit when they promised to, so they stop making her promises they dont intend to keep, dont want the kids caught in their crap as they get older.

Have the occassional bitch to DH when very frustrated but think he's just used to them now.

So over trying and getting nowhere.

Definately know where you're at. Just keep putting the invites out there so you know you've tried and expect them not to come. If they do, they do. It sucks to be on the outer but try not to worry. Just keep venting so you dont explode - lol

GOOD LUCK XX

wll after listening to everyone elses vents on here ( and they are all legit) i feel mine seems quite trivial. Feel blessed I do have a motherinlaw that i get on better with then my own mum after reading this and other posts. IN no way is this supposed to sound cheeky or smart just so you know. But man i would be like you wanting to spit tacks if my inlaws did that to me. Think i will have more trouble getting both mum's to give thier grandchild/ren back lol when we do get there.