It seems to have taken me a LONG time to really accept the way my life is now.
My DD is 2 and 3 months and it seems up until very recently i have had this internal struggle against just accepting that my life will never be the same as it was pre-children.
Dont get me wrong, being a mother has been the best thing to ever happen to me and is by far my most proud and worthwhile thing i have ever embarked upon. I dont regret it for a second.
But i think the changes (such as never having a moment to myself, being confined to the menial tasks of housework and cleaning, always putting myself after others etc) really took a long time for me to accept and embrace as positives.

Im wondering if its an age thing - i became a parent just before i turned 22, so i was still young and had been able to live a fairly "selfish" life up until then.

Or is it just one of those things that everyone goes through, regardless of age?

Or did i just take longer to adjust than most?

It took me a good 6 months at least. Having my first really blew my mind! I really struggled and coupled with not feeling really maternal at all, it was a very hard time for me.

My first is now nearly 3, I also have a 9 month old and due in July with my third. I cant remember life being any different than it is today. The kids go to bed and I just walk around aimlessley (sp?). Me and hubby often ask each other what we did before having kids.lol.

Once you have your second those feelings will probably disappear. You think you are busy with one bubba, have a second (and I am sure a second is easy to those who have 3 or 4), and you wont have a moment of time to think about your "old" life.

But i think the changes (such as never having a moment to myself, being confined to the menial tasks of housework and cleaning, always putting myself after others etc) really took a long time for me to accept and embrace as positives.

I didn't make those changes in my life (at least not to an extreme). At some point throughout the day (or at least week) I get time to myself. I do things outside housework and cleaning to keep my mind active, and I don't see how being a martyr and putting everyone else's needs before mine would benefit my life or theirs so I don't do that either.

Your not on you own and NO it's not an age thing. I'm middle 30"s and feel exactly the same and my DD is 18mths now! I think we just have to accept that this is motherhood/parenthood and them days are gone forever or at least until they leave home and have their own families!!

Sorry i'm no help but i think this is a just a fact of life!

Its something I am quite worried about :S

I think I psyched myself up to be a lot worse then it actually was, so I honestly didn't find the change to be that massive.

Oh boy- I'm still struggling! I think the main part I struggle with, is that DH's life basically didn't change at all. He could still go out whenever he wanted, do what he wanted really. He has always been a big helper with the girls, but it didn't affect his social life! My social life on the other hand is in tatters. Thankfully, my friends and I have just started a tradition of one girls night every 2 months- I don't even have to go home til the next day!
Another thing is the fact that none of my friends BC (before children) have kids, nor even want them! So, I've had to embark on a never-ending quest to find friends with babies. I've met some alright ones too wink.
So, whilst I don't struggle with the day to day of my life (besides non sleeping babies!), I hate when something comes up and I can't go because we have nowhere to take the girls.
In closing, lol, I really think that 99% of mothers go through this (I could be wrong though- I don't have THAT many friends).
I think we need to learn to give ourselves a break. The world won't stop turning because we decide NOT to take our kids out shopping!

i don't think its an age thing as such, i think its just a first time mum thing! i was 27 when DS was born, and i struggled with it for quite some time. even now i sometimes think about how easy it used to be to pop to the shops for milk, and to not have to plan 2 weeks in advance to go out on a saturday night for dinner etc, but then i just have to look at DS and the thought goes away lol.

so i guess for a young mum it would be hard to see your friends still enjoying their independence, but being a bit older you have had independence for a longer time so it is still hard to get used to.

It took me about a year but the first 3 months with DD1 were the hardest. I found I was carrying her all the time as I couldn't get used to the idea of needing the pram, it took me a while to get into the baby shopping instead of buying for myself and the idea that almost everything you do in your day is for someone else took a while to sink in (she was 8 weeks prem and had bad reflux so was pretty much miserable 24/7). Now DD2 is 3 months and I can't imagine my life without the two of them, i'm so happy to be their mum smile

I didn't make those changes in my life (at least not to an extreme). At some point throughout the day (or at least week) I get time to myself. I do things outside housework and cleaning to keep my mind active, and I don't see how being a martyr and putting everyone else's needs before mine would benefit my life or theirs so I don't do that either.

this is how i feel, I study for me and spend A LOT of time with friends ( thankfully they love DD). My life changed direction and I did transition between friends before and after baby but i did that on my terms so i don't feel as though it is something that i needed to adjust to.

My DD2 is 2 in April and i am just staring to accept things now, dd1 is 3.5. I have joined to gym this week which i think is going to help alot aswell.

I too struggled with dh life changing very little. I think as dd2 has gotten a bit older things have gotten much easier for me.

i think i actually really like my life and there was not much that i needed to accept when ds came along. aside from no sleep in the very beginning and learning to be a parent, i would have to say from about 3 months i was happy with how everything was.

i was 30 when i had ds and was well and truly over going out etc. but i still do, sometimes with just the girls, but mostly we take the kids along as they are just as welcome. dh also gets his poker nights so we try and make sure we each have some 'me' time.

going back to work also helped me be happy as i think i needed that balance in my life. i went back to work part time when ds was 4 months and again when dd was 7 months.

i think our lives were enhanced when our kids came along and there were not very many sacrifices which had to be made.

hope that makes sense cool

I had just turned 21 when I had my DS... it took me the better part of 3 years to come to grips with it... i was a single parent from 4months pregnant- so it was ALL me... ALL the time...
Then one day i just broke down (had a massive realisation) and figured that it was always going to be this way. So i picked myself back up and have gone about being what i need to be in order for my DS to grow up a well adjusted young man (i hope lol)

Thank you for your replies.
I guess part of the struggle for me is that i have never had any solid friendships since falling pregnant because i moved interstate away from my school friends/work friends, and suddenly i was pregnant and alone and having to make new friends, and a new type of friend (other parents)

Even now, we have moved a lot recently and my circle of friends has had to change so i guess the lack of support wouldnt have helped.

As for going out, i was not much into parties etc anyway so i dont mean in the way of going out and letting my hair down, more just being able to sit down at a cafe and enjoy a coffee without my child running away and embarressing me LOL

Anyway, i appreciate the advice, and i HAVE adjusted now - it just took me a very long time!

It seems to have taken me a LONG time to really accept the way my life is now.
My DD is 2 and 3 months and it seems up until very recently i have had this internal struggle against just accepting that my life will never be the same as it was pre-children.
Dont get me wrong, being a mother has been the best thing to ever happen to me and is by far my most proud and worthwhile thing i have ever embarked upon. I dont regret it for a second.
But i think the changes (such as never having a moment to myself, being confined to the menial tasks of housework and cleaning, always putting myself after others etc) really took a long time for me to accept and embrace as positives.

Im wondering if its an age thing - i became a parent just before i turned 22, so i was still young and had been able to live a fairly "selfish" life up until then.

Or is it just one of those things that everyone goes through, regardless of age?

Or did i just take longer to adjust than most?

its been almost 10 years when I had my 1st baby and I am still 'adjusting' lol.Life as you knew it will be a faded memory