I have been thinking about this a lot lately. And yesterday dr phil (on fox) was about a grandma suing for rights to see her grandson.

Now i don't know what australias stand on it is but personally i think being a grand parent and everything that goes a long with it is a privilege not a right.

It really gets my back up to see people "claiming" rights to a child as if they are something to be owned.

So what do you think?

Is it any different though than a non-custodial parent seeking rights to see their child in terms of 'ownership'?

I think all things being equal it is a privilege to be a grandparent, or a parent for that matter, not an automatic right. Barring abuse by any of the parties however, I think the majority of parents/grandparents should have the 'right' to see children that aren't living with them, even if for whatever knobhead reason they choose not to exercise it.

I have been thinking about this a lot lately. And yesterday dr phil (on fox) was about a grandma suing for rights to see her grandson.

Now i don't know what australias stand on it is but personally i think being a grand parent and everything that goes a long with it is a privilege not a right.

It really gets my back up to see people "claiming" rights to a child as if they are something to be owned.

So what do you think?

I'm a little torn lol.. When my kids are older and having children I can imagine if for some reason I wasn't a part of their lives that I would be fighting to see them.

But.. my dad is not a part of my kids lives (not that he's ever tried to be!) but if he called me tomorrow and wanted to see them I would say no. He has no right to see them at all. So I agree with you. But I can understand where the grandparents are coming from when they're fighting to see their grandchildren. But I believe parents have more rights.

I agree it is a privilege as well. Some grandparents take their grandchildren for granted and then when they decide it's time to be nan and pop they claim it is their right. WHATEVER!

For example: We had Kadan my nephew live with us from November 2008 until last week when I admitted defeat and gave him up as I wasn't coping. Well my mother had Kadan sleep over at her house all of 3 times in that time, and seen him maybe 10 times. She only lived 5mins away from us too.
Well now that he is gone she is fighting to see him and have weekend access visits as it is her "right" apparently. Where was she the past 16mths when he needed her?

I think it is a pivilege. I dont think anyone has a right to see a child unless they are the parents.
In saying that though i do think it is a childs right to see their grandparents. I mean i know my mil and i dont always see eye to eye but i know that dd loves her and i dont think it is fair to stop her seeing her because of my relationship with her.

Is it any different though than a non-custodial parent seeking rights to see their child in terms of 'ownership'?

I think all things being equal it is a privilege to be a grandparent, or a parent for that matter, not an automatic right. Barring abuse by any of the parties however, I think the majority of parents/grandparents should have the 'right' to see children that aren't living with them, even if for whatever knobhead reason they choose not to exercise it.

I agree with all of this!

Is it any different though than a non-custodial parent seeking rights to see their child in terms of 'ownership'?

I think all things being equal it is a privilege to be a grandparent, or a parent for that matter, not an automatic right. Barring abuse by any of the parties however, I think the majority of parents/grandparents should have the 'right' to see children that aren't living with them, even if for whatever knobhead reason they choose not to exercise it.

To me yes it is a huge difference. Mum and dad are what made the child. Not mum dad and grandparents lol. So i think as long as there is no abuse etc then parents have equal rights to see and raise a child.

[list] [/list][quote name='mumofava' date='12 March 2010 - 01:37 PM' timestamp='1268361436' post='2653324'] I think it is a pivilege. I dont think anyone has a right to see a child unless they are the parents. In saying that though i do think it is a childs right to see their grandparents. I mean i know my mil and i dont always see eye to eye but i know that dd loves her and i dont think it is fair to stop her seeing her because of my relationship with her. [/quote] I agree with this too. I don't have a relationship with my dad but i don't stop him seeing the grandbabies. They'll be old enough sooner or later to decide if they want that relationship or not.

It really gets my back up to see people "claiming" rights to a child as if they are something to be owned.

To me yes it is a huge difference. Mum and dad are what made the child. Not mum dad and grandparents lol. So i think as long as there is no abuse etc then parents have equal rights to see and raise a child.

For ME, based on the OP, if a child is not something to be owned then it isn't there to be owned by anyone, including the people who made it. So IMO there is NO difference between a grandparent exercising their 'right' to see a child and a parent who has split from the other parent and exercises their 'right' to see the child.

This is why IMO these cases should be judged on an individual basis, just like those between parents. We took the only grandchild at the time, for both sets of parents, and moved him to the other side of the world and though they love him to bits it never would have entered their minds to try and stop us BUT if they had, we would have understood why, even if we thought they were being a bit OTT about it.

Courts usually do what is in the best interest of the CHILD involved, not the adults.

I too think it is a privilege. Although i would hope that when my kids have children that i would hate not being able to see them.

But DH's parents are not a part of our lives for numerous reasons and if they wanted to see the kids we would say no.

As parents i think that it is both parents rights to be able to see the child.. I would hope that if my DH ever left and took the kids that i would be able to see them and if not i would fight for it as I made the children as well and the same for DH.. they are 'our' children not the grandparents.

I am undecided/torn. For my parents they put in so much effort, time, love and respect into the relationship with my daughter so i think it is a right for them however they treat it as a privilege.

On the other hand...

For my mother in law, i think it is a privilege. She has most definitely not stepped up to the plate (in any way) and disrespects me every chance she gets - so not the best influence for our daughter. This saddens me but i keep thinking that if she wanted it to be different it would be. We have exhausted all attempts with her.

I think of it more as the child has the right to have a relationship with his/her grandparents (and obviously both parents), provided there are no issues of abuse or questionable safety.

My in-laws drive me mad, but they love my boys and I will always make every effort to keep them involved.

My brother and his partner split up when my niece was 4 months old and her mother took her away - changed her phone number and resisted any attempts by my brother to find her. It was devastating to all of us to not see his daughter. He finally got visitation when she was 14 months and was always careful to make sure that everyone got to see her. Her mother actually apologised some years later for preventing us from sharing her life for those 10 months.

My son's Grandfather on my ex husbands has no rights to be a grandparent to my 2 boys, as he doesnt care about them at all. Not once has he sent a birthday or christmas present for the boys and he still thinks my eldest son is called "Sean" which is his middle name. He never makes the effort to come and see them and when it is done without any consultation with me.

My sons Nana, ex hubbies mum makes the effort to see her 2 grandsons every year and she stays here with us for a whole week, and she gives me at least 2 months notice so we can plan things well in advance. As well as sending the boys money and cards so i thatcan get them presents for their birthdays and christmas on Nanna's behalf.

My parents on the other hand live in the UK, and have never seen the boys, but they frequently send them boxes of toys and games and dvds, as well as sending money and cards for their bithday and they hope to be able to come out here late next year and spend 6 weeks with me and the boys.

With my ex's father i feel he has no right to be a grandparent to my boys as he has not shown one ounce of interest in them since they were born where as my parents and my ex's mil have a right as they make the effort to buy things for the boys and spend time with them as well as talking to them on the phone etc.

Personally I do not think its a right to be a parent or grandparent
Its a privilege to have children. They are precious and a gift not just a thing or a item. Not all parents have to right to have children and not all grandparents as some are abusive, some dont bother and some are just generally cr*p. Children truly are gifts and not everyone deserves to have children or be in a childs life bilogical parent,grandparent or not. I personaly feel that you should only deserve a child if your willing to do all you possibly can for that child/children. I don't think that just because your the bilogical parent or grandparents give you the right to be apart of that childs life it all depends on how you treat that child and if your prepared to give all your've got for that child. However im sure everyone has there opionions but thought I would share mine - I mean no offence at all by my post smile

my ex boyfriends step dad thinks that he has a right to just come round and say hes taking my son for a day or afternoon or whatever. and then when i say no tells me im crazy and im a useless parent and hes going to take me to court for grandparent visitation rights... hes not even related to my exboyfriend at all... does anyone see that as being unfair???

Its a bit of a hard topic this one, I think that yes, it is a priviledge not a right, however I dont think a child should be deprived of a relationship with their grandparent because of a silly issue the parents have with them. For example, my inlaws (who yes, are giant pain in the arses) dont get to see my nephew very often because my SIL doesnt get along with my MIL (my husbands brothers wife and my husbands mother). It isnt fair to deprive my nephew of a relationship with them, as he is very muchly loved by them. However in saying that, if a person knew their parents were not a good influence for their children to be around, then they should have the right to not have the grandparents in the childs life.

I just look at it like if DD grew up and for whatever reason i didnt have access to my grandchild/ren i would be doing everything in my power to have access. so imo its a right smile

Just so you are aware this is where MO comes from. My uncle and aunt had to get a court order to see their GD. The mother had split with my cousin and was refusing them contact. There was no reason to deny contact, she was being a spiteful cow.

There are circumstances, like I mentioned, where grandarents have a right to see their Gchildren. However incases of abuse and other like issues then it is more a priviledge, IYKWIM.

This is a very complex topic..
I have a 5 month old baby girl and I have had to unfortunately leave her at both her grandparents house and go to work.They take it in shifts on different days. I do before and after school care so its not long hours for them.

I have been most uncomfortable and unhappy with the way my in-laws have been caring for her. They feed her jam and toast with butter, they suck her dummy and put it straight back in their mouths.. knowing they are both seriously ill and when they bath her they lay her in the tub, water up to her ears so she cant move, also she doesn't sleep with them they play with her instead so when she is with me she is fast asleep...

When I finally got sick of giving them suggestions and tip toeing around what we wanted them to do for our daughters routine.. We all got into a huge disagreement. I ended up saying that they had their chance to shape and mould their child's life and make decisions and now it was our chance.

Being a grandparent is without a doubt a privilege!! I just wish my daughters grandparents would work with us not against us in looking after her instead of undermining our choices and decisions we have made!!!

Its a bit of a hard topic this one, I think that yes, it is a priviledge not a right, however I dont think a child should be deprived of a relationship with their grandparent because of a silly issue the parents have with them. For example, my inlaws (who yes, are giant pain in the arses) dont get to see my nephew very often because my SIL doesnt get along with my MIL (my husbands brothers wife and my husbands mother). It isnt fair to deprive my nephew of a relationship with them, as he is very muchly loved by them. However in saying that, if a person knew their parents were not a good influence for their children to be around, then they should have the right to not have the grandparents in the childs life.

exactly.

I know this is a totally different situation. But we cared for our god daughter until she was 2yrs old. She spent more time with us then she did with her parents. From 2 to 3yrs her parents had another baby and things settled down so she spent less time with us. She still stayed with us but insted of it being 4 or more days/nights a week it was more that a fortnight.

DH and myself love her as if she is our own. We went through everything with her that we have with our own kids.

Now for reasons out of our control we no longer have contact with her. We miss her terribly and i honestly feel like a part of my heart is missing.

Dh and i have not pushed the decision her parents (mum) have made as we believe they have done what They think is best. It is to be spitful. I wont go into details why but that what it boild down to.

But i guess this is how i relate back to the topic. DH and i know our relationship with GD (god daughter) was a privalige not a right. Now we could have fought to keep seeing her but choose not to for HER sake. She doesn't need to see the fighting etc. And we don't see it as our right to do that, We aren't her parents and it was a huge privalige to have her in our lives as much as we did when we did. Of course it would be so much better to still have her here..........

Provided that the grandparents are fit and able to safely provide care, I feel they do have rights. there are circumstances where I do believe it is inappropriate, but just because you don't get along with your parents or in-laws is no reason to stop them from seeing your kids. I know someone who will rarely leave her kids with her MIL because she might give them a chocolate or sweet or something like that (but doesn't hesitate if every other babysitter has been exhausted and they are the last resort).
My parents and in-laws spoil my 2 girls, and it does bother me sometimes, but I love it that they can know their grandparents and great grandparents. Grandparents do play an important role in our kids life and if you don't believe that is the case, then you truly are missing out on something special. stop knocking grandparents and give them a chance to give your kids something special to cherish. DOn't let bitterness be the basis of your decision for your kids and their grandparents

Provided that the grandparents are fit and able to safely provide care, I feel they do have rights. there are circumstances where I do believe it is inappropriate, but just because you don't get along with your parents or in-laws is no reason to stop them from seeing your kids. I know someone who will rarely leave her kids with her MIL because she might give them a chocolate or sweet or something like that (but doesn't hesitate if every other babysitter has been exhausted and they are the last resort).
My parents and in-laws spoil my 2 girls, and it does bother me sometimes, but I love it that they can know their grandparents and great grandparents. Grandparents do play an important role in our kids life and if you don't believe that is the case, then you truly are missing out on something special. stop knocking grandparents and give them a chance to give your kids something special to cherish. DOn't let bitterness be the basis of your decision for your kids and their grandparents

I hope this wasn't aimed at me. My kids have a wonderful relationship with my inlaws. My mum lives out of state and doesn't get to see them as much as i am sure she would like to.

No where have i knocked grandparents. And i don't have any bitterness toward them.