feel like i dont know what im doing

With this bubba.... I was just chatting in another post and realised how much I feel feel like I'm just bumbling through it and guessing.what I need to be doing. It seems so simple - newborns need feeding, changing, sleep & cuddles.... that's all. But most of the time I have no idea whats next or how I should approach things! So I just end up feeding him AGAIN. He's feeding hourly because he spews a lot and by the times I've cleaned him up I don't know how much milk he's actually had and he seems to be mouthing around again. We have no routine happening, I just can't get it to work into routine... and when dh goes back to work thurs I'm panicking about having to do the school run.

He was only waking twice a night, and the last 2 nights he's woken every hour and when he's had his feed and still wide awake I don't know what to do! I tried last night just re-wrapping him and putting him back to bed and he started screaming so that didn't work.

I don't know... just having an off day. Tired and grumpy.

Do people here actually know what they're doing with their newborns or is it just me that it doesn't come naturally to?

Aww I think we all have days/weeks like that. I only have the one bub but I sure didn't fall in to mothering "naturally" gosh the first 3 months I was a bumbling fool, everyone knew my kid better than I did and like you, if I was a bit lost I just put her on the boob!

Your ticker says little one is 3 weeks old right? Classic growth spurt time... although I was thinking with all the chucking up, do you think it might help to try and feed slightly less often, like around 1.5 - 2 hours and see if that makes a difference? Just thinking the spewing could be a bit of over feeding?

You're a nurse right? I saw that your older child is 5, so I guess it's like if you once worked in ED and then went and did a bit of a stint in mental health and tried to go back to ED, you'd be a bit raw for awhile, but you'd get the hang of it again smile

Fake it till ya make it - we all have those bad days and doubt oursevles, it's easy for us all to sit and give advice at our computer to complete strangers but doesn't mean we've got it all together. And remember your new baby doesn't know all the "rules" yet either. It will get easier as you get to know each other

You are being WAY to hard on yourself! Your DS is only 3 weeks old. I know with my DD it took 12 - 14 weeks to get into a decent eat, play/cuddle, sleep routine. One day was different to the next with DD at that age. She would have nights where she was very awake, and I had no idea why.

It's so hard if they are spewwy, you're right you don't have a clue how much they have kept down. I once had a midwife tell me that when they do that mouthing around it doesn't always mean they are hungry, but maybe it's different if they have only kept down half their feed?

I know it's not very helpful, but just try to keep in mind that it's only for a few more weeks and then he should be in a good day/night routine. I remember at mother's group it was around the 10 - 12 week mark that most of the mum's reported getting full night sleeps, etc. Babies are complex little beings aren't they! In theory it should be simple, but it's so not!

Hang in there smile

He's feeding that often because he demands it... if I try and hold him off he ends up screaming his little head off - then when I give in he jumps on there like he hasn't been fed for a week!

The chn said he has a high palate, and that if he makes a clicking noise on there I should take him off and try again as he's not on right. But I can't get him on there without the clicking happening. It's not hurting me and he's still getting milk, but I'm wondering if it makes him take in more air.

Seems every child is actually very different after all, because half of what I've learnt from dd doesn't apply to him!

They should offer postnatal classes to cover sleep, routines, crying etc. Would make life so much easier!

You're not alone. Keep your chin up!

It's not fair I know you would think that it would be much easier the second time round. Maybe see if you can talk to a Lactation consultant about this clicking? You don't want to be stressing over him clicking whilst feeding when it may not even be an issue necessarily? Or if it is, maybe she will be able to show you how to attach him so he doesn't click when feeding?

its completely normal huni. every one of my NB ive felt like i had no idea! theyre all so different! i just sort of blunder my way through each day for the first few months then things brgin to settle down a bit. if you need to feed every hour theres nothing wrong with that just do what works and feels right to you.

I fumbled through with all 3 of mine. Just getting through the first 12 weeks was a 'phew' moment for me. And #3 had reflux, which was even harder (my marriage also fell apart when she was only 3 & 1/2 months). She is 7 months now and we are in a good routine. The kinder drop off is a bit of a nightmare as we have a morning and arvo session two days a week, and a morning session another day, but we get there. You sound like you're doing great, and having off days is just fine. Tomorrow is a new one to try again. Hope it's better tomorrow.

Thanks for the reassurance, glad I'm not the only one.. was feeling like maybe I'm the only one that doesn't know what to do half the time! I really thought we'd breeze through this time with what bubs physically needs, and that maybe I'd struggle mentally a bit. It's been a bit of a mixed bag so far! lol

Today hasn't been so good but so far most days I've been in a good place, just a bit confused about it all!

ok... deep breaths. Maybe I will ring the breastfeeding hotline about his palate.

Thank you girls.. onwards and upwards! blink

I think most of us just wing it for the first few weeks. Some are just reluctant to admit it wink

In my opinion, if he needs to be fed, feed him. Once his sleeps lengthen a bit, the time between feeds will increase too. Are you feeding until he refuses the breast? Maybe try offering the first side again (or offer it twice straight up) to make sure he gets the hind milk. And 3 weeks is a classic time for a growth spurt smile

DD clicks while she feeds, always has. She had a tongue-tie, and while I had that fixed, she still clicks. It doesn't hurt me and it doesn't affect her. She isn't windy and she gets enough milk.

If he's wide awake after his feed, have you tried wrapping him and then rocking for a while? Either in a rocking chair, or just hold him and sway from side to side. Does he have a preferred 'cuddle position'? DS1 loved to be held in a cradle hold, but DS2 and DD both liked to be held uproght on my chest (DD still does wub )

As pp's have said, he's only 3 weeks. It will take a while for him to figure out his routine, and then you need to incorporate that into your routine smile Between you, you'll figure it out. You've been in a bad place before, but that doesn't mean it will happen again.

I definitely winged it. Still do. There's no 'proper' routine that applies to all babies so I agree with the others, give yourself some credit. wink

There is one rule that I stuck to (and still do) throughout the newborn stage: you can never spoil a newborn. Cuddles, feeds, sleep, more cuddles, baths, whatever. Just do it all. DS2 is a big feeder and he always feeds like I've starved him for hours, even though he's almost 9 months and still feeds 3-4 hourly day AND night!! It takes awhile to establish a routine, whether you're trying to make one or allowing him to. So I'd say sit back and enjoy the tiny, immobile weeks because they go soooo fast! sad

Don't stress and put pressure on yourself to follow an ideal because that will result in unmet expectations which equals distress or disappointment. Just give him loads of cuddles and kisses grin and if he wants a feed, feed him. In all seriousness though, just relax through it all. I had (have) crappy days too where I felt (feel) like I'm failing as a competent parent but I let myself have a sulk then get back up and keep going.

You're doing a fantastic job! <3

PS: is there a chance he could have reflux or silent reflux? Perhaps the sucking is soothing? Have you tried a dummy? DS2 had really bad wind for the first 8 weeks and used to cry his little lungs out. sad I tried everything that was available but in the end, just had to ride it out (especially since he's refused a dummy since birth!) I think there was some info about their digestive system continuing to develop and the 'windiness' gets the worst at around the 3-4 week mark and again at the 8 week mark. But I could be wrong there, I'll go find some info and get back to you. xx

He definitely feeds til there's nothing left... and then wants to stay there and use me as a dummy too. Lol

I'm not rocking him to sleep... but I feel like I need a plan so I am being consistent when he is deciding not to go to sleep. I was just reading elsewhere something that I actually started out doing... and somewhere along the line that went out the window & I had been letting him just fall asleep on me which is not a habit I want to continue. So I need to go back to the original plan which was wrap him, put him down... leave him if he's just making the odd grizzle noise or if he starts crying - pick him up & comfort him until he's calm again, then put him down again. Even if it takes 20 goes I feel like eventually he'll learn to go to sleep on his own this way.

Feeling a bit better now as he has settled down and is asleep again... and of course after a not so nice day he decided to prove me wrong and go to sleep by himself again.

Thanks for the chat everyone... made me feel heaps better just knowing its the same for everyone else!