Just a little perspective

It seems to me that she believed the 'bigger' lesson was that his actions made someone sad, which is her way of encouraging empathy in her child - which is also something that he wont understand at that age, but she has clearly picked which message she would rather send, which is fair enough as she is his parent. Empathy for others is also important for optimal childhood development, so I don't see a problem with that. I find that my children don't understand any more than one 'lesson' at a time - I don't try to overwhelm them with focusing on too much, I have to decide quickly which one I think is more important, and then I go with it.

I think this mother is doing the right thing - she is focusing on the bigger picture, and the bigger lessons that her child will need to learn. Two year old children may appear to share, or even to understand sharing, but the fact is that they may do it because it is something they have 'learned' to do so they don't get into trouble - but they really don't understand why.

I agree with you smile

If they cannot FEEL that something is right or wrong but are instead going by what adults tell them - that isn't understanding or teaching. That's rote learning, or social survival code application.

Psychopaths are often completely "normal" within society. It is common sense for them not to hurt people - they have been told time and time again that it is wrong - they know that you are supposed to be sad and empathetic when someone is hurt or killed. But they won't feel that it is wrong, or sad.

If they can't feel it, then it can't be claimed that they know it is wrong.

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It's not forcing social norms.... to recognise when we've done wrong and making that wrong right is teaching manners.

I agree with both sides. Id like to see a happy medium. Why can't you teach manners and compassion at the same time?
For example; "sally, david had that toy first. When you snatched it you made him feel sad. You can make him happy again by giving it back or sharing together."
It might take longer but if its important then its worth it.
It does my head in when dd gets toys snatched from her, gets pushed, hit, yelled at etc by other kids because she naturally does not do those things. Granted she hasn't quite hit 'the terrible two's yet but I think the two of us will get through it.
I think manners and respect are very important for life in general.

There isn't much you can do to help a child develop empathy except for being empathetic to others yourself so that they watch you, and to try and identify to them from a young age how their actions may make others feel. In this regard, I think this mother has done the right thing. I also think that the ability to share and understand sharing comes as a result of being 'taught' empathy, so that the child understands that sharing makes others feel good, which is something they should aim for. It's tough though, because children see things so differently to adults, it's impossible to know what they are thinking or feeling!

Noddy, I think the problem with that is that young children generally can't understand more than one 'lesson' at a time. I struggle with this a lot, as when my children do something I would rather they not do, I have to choose what aspect to deal with at any one time! When they get overloaded, they tend to 'disengage' - meaning they are looking at me, but are not 'there'. So in that case they really are learning nothing at all. I don't have a problem with teaching children manners and respect, I think that is important, too, but all at once is possibly too much for them. Well, it is for my kids, anyway!

I agree with both sides. Id like to see a happy medium. Why can't you teach manners and compassion at the same time?
For example; "sally, david had that toy first. When you snatched it you made him feel sad. You can make him happy again by giving it back or sharing together."
It might take longer but if its important then its worth it.
It does my head in when dd gets toys snatched from her, gets pushed, hit, yelled at etc by other kids because she naturally does not do those things. Granted she hasn't quite hit 'the terrible two's yet but I think the two of us will get through it.
I think manners and respect are very important for life in general.

My dd never did any of that stuff... not every child will. Working in childcare before I had kids I saw all that behaviour on a daily basis and had to tackle those things in ways that are appropriate as a child care worker, not as a parent. I was really aware with dd coming up to each age what I might be in for behaviour wise and chose to tackle them before they even happened to teach her how to treat others... and naturally ALL kids respond to praise and positive encouragement. I never forced anything onto her. She naturally wanted to please. Granted that this is in some kids nature already. But I feel its my job to encourage all the best parts of my kids personality and shape them into treating others well.
Now that she's school age I'm in unknown territory a bit with what to expect but I think we're doing ok!

I think the concept is nice enough and by no means should the mother shout at him, snatch and tell him he's a naughty boy for what is essentially age appropriate behaviour. But maybe a better alternative would be to gently take the toy back from him and return it to the child & let him be the one to learn the lesson that crying and screaming won't get him what he wants (as she for some reason thought she was helping the other boy to do). I just have to feel sorry for that child, & what I think that is kinda saying to him is, if someone unfairly does that to you don't bother getting upset because you can't do anything about it. And it may even teach the child that if he wants something to just push and snatch it, as hey it worked when he did it to me. I personally think tht would be very confusing to children if the intent is to get them to have compassion and learn to share.

I figure most parents are in unknown territory! Since studying a minor in childhood development, which has only been in the last couple of years, I have started to look at things a different way. I used to yell quite a bit because my children wouldn't do what I asked them - repeatedly! Apart from that, I had no idea what to do! It turns out that my oldest daughter had Asperger's syndrome, and she would 'zone out' whenever I would give her instructions, or yell - so now I approach things much differently, and our house is a 'no yelling' zone - well, that's what I'm working towards! I have a different approach for each of my kids, because they respond differently to different things. I try as much as I can to see things from their perspective, which helps when it comes to explaining things to them, or formulating 'rewards' for them to do what I would like them to do. And we see an occupational therapist regularly; she helps me to approach my children's behaviour in a way I would not have thought of by myself.

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lol.

My dd never did any of that stuff... not every child will. Working in childcare before I had kids I saw all that behaviour on a daily basis and had to tackle those things in ways that are appropriate as a child care worker, not as a parent. I was really aware with dd coming up to each age what I might be in for behaviour wise and chose to tackle them before they even happened to teach her how to treat others... and naturally ALL kids respond to praise and positive encouragement. I never forced anything onto her. She naturally wanted to please. Granted that this is in some kids nature already. But I feel its my job to encourage all the best parts of my kids personality and shape them into treating others well.
Now that she's school age I'm in unknown territory a bit with what to expect but I think we're doing ok!

I worked in child care for around a year and it deffinately taught me alot. When people defend yelling and smacking etc to.me I often point out that when kids go to day care and school there is none of that yet how many of them are behaving badly constantly in those environments?
The worst kids in day care are the ones who DO get yelled at etc. Or they were at the one I worked at. Because thats how mum and dad behave so thats what the kids do.
Ill never forget the 3yr old who randomly picked up a large tonka truck and walked across the room and belted another child over the head then kicked him. The two hadn't been interacting, the first child didn't want what the child had he just acted. It turned out he was watching his dad belt living crap out of his mum every night for no reason other than being drunk. THAT is learned behaviour.

Oh that's horrible nods.... and learned behaviour is a huge thing. It's sad hey...