SHOULD I SAY SOMETHING ???

Hey guys, sooo im wondering me & my cousin are very close like sisters grew up together im 8 days older then her she had her daughter may 27th 2011 and i had my daughter january 19th 2012 so they are also very close as we are.

Ino its not my bussiness to say but i feel she is very slack on how shes looking after her daughter ( my neice ) she does not have any routine in looking after her child my neice will not sleep in her own cott always with the parents, she hits her parents, dosnt like her nappy changed at all, goes too bed at 10pm literally glued too her mum. My cousin gets very fustarted when she crys so too stop her crying she just BF's her... sometimes my neice dosnt even want a feed and sits there for comfort. everyone has there own way of bringing up there kids but i feel my daughter is an angel compared too that. im very organised, have my routines that my daughter knows without a doubt and she isnt even 1 yet. my neice is 1 at the moment and has been doing this since she new how. she also wakes up 3 times a night also. and my cousin wants another child in a couple more years.

its hard for her too look after 1 at the moment imagine another =S
should i say something or keep too myself quietly?
whats your thoughts on this or no anyone similar?

I would keep quiet. She is not harming the child, and I wouldn't call her slack. Some kids are a lot more clingy to the parents than others. My DD1 slept with us from about 6months - 18months. I don't know many babies that like their nappy changed and I struggle with my 9month old lol.

I think if you have a good relationship then you don't want to ruin it over something so silly. She is parenting her way and she is entitiled to do it her way. smile So long as she is fed, clothed, loved I don't see a problem.

I don't have a routine for my girls, never have, they make their own routine. Each to their own. smile

I dont know what others would suggest but if it were me I wouldnt. Nothing she is doing is harming the child ... just making life difficult for herself.
Im an early childhood teacher and before I had my own kids I was always quite black and white. Now after having my own and having to deal with the emotions of having your own child upset and wanting to make them happy I have a lot more understanding of why some people let there kids away with certain things.
I really stuggle leaving my daughter to cry herself to sleep in her cot so when shes upset I will bring her into our bed. I know its not teaching her 'self settling' techniques but at the end of the day it keeps her happy and me ... and I know she wont be there in 15 years time! (I hope not anyway!) smile
As for the hitting her parents part ... thats really up to the parents to decide how they deal with that one. If she was hurting your daughter tho I would definitly be saying something.
Everyones going to do things differently and I personally dont think its our place to question it ... unless it was detrimental to the child. In this case There only making life hard for themselves. You and I wouldnt put up with it, but thats how shes choosing to parent.

tough call though I know!

Aliice1 wrote:
Hey guys, sooo im wondering me & my cousin are very close like sisters grew up together im 8 days older then her she had her daughter may 27th 2011 and i had my daughter january 19th 2012 so they are also very close as we are.

Ino its not my bussiness to say but i feel she is very slack on how shes looking after her daughter ( my neice ) she does not have any routine in looking after her child my neice will not sleep in her own cott always with the parents, she hits her parents, dosnt like her nappy changed at all, goes too bed at 10pm literally glued too her mum. My cousin gets very fustarted when she crys so too stop her crying she just BF's her... sometimes my neice dosnt even want a feed and sits there for comfort. everyone has there own way of bringing up there kids but i feel my daughter is an angel compared too that. im very organised, have my routines that my daughter knows without a doubt and she isnt even 1 yet. my neice is 1 at the moment and has been doing this since she new how. she also wakes up 3 times a night also. and my cousin wants another child in a couple more years.

its hard for her too look after 1 at the moment imagine another =S
should i say something or keep too myself quietly?
whats your thoughts on this or no anyone similar?

I don't think you should be giving advice, for a few reasons:

Firstly, there is nothing wrong with co sleeping or comfort breastfeeding, if mother and child are willing to do this. Secondly, some kids don't like having their nappy changed - not a reflection on a persons parenting ability, just some kids don't like it. You should hear my daughter scream like a banshee everytime we do a nappy! As for the routine, bed time etc, some families don't have strict routines and that is ok as long as that is how the family works. With the waking up, it's VERY common for older babies and toddlers to wake through the night multiple times and it's not a refletion of how they are being raised.

The other thing I want to point out is that although in the grand scheme of things the age difference in your kids will not be significant, at this young age there is a HUGE difference between a 6 month old and a 1 year old. Your daughter is at an age that is typically lovely - 6 month olds are interactive, generally pretty carefree and they often do have a predictable routine and sleep well. But by the age of 1 they are moving, learning language and with this new found independence become quite defiant at times. My little girl was an absolute angel at 5/6 months old, now she is not so easily pleased all the time. You have to be very careful in making assumptions about how other people are raising their kids, especially when yours are younger and your family dynamics are different. Remember also that all kids have a different personality and some are just a bit more fiesty than others, meaning they are often horrible and badly behaved toddlers but grow up to be very vibrant, motivated and confident adults. So unless she's breaking down in tears and begging you for advice, I'd leave it be and just try to respect that she has a different child to you and a different way of doing things.

I personally would not say anything.

If she asks for advice you could offer it, but unless she is somehow abusing this child (beating/neglecting), then it's not up to you to tell her how to raise her child. As someone ^^^ said; imagine if the shoe was on the other foot and she was criticising how you choose to parent.

Aliice1 wrote:
Hey guys, sooo im wondering me & my cousin are very close like sisters grew up together im 8 days older then her she had her daughter may 27th 2011 and i had my daughter january 19th 2012 so they are also very close as we are.

Ino its not my bussiness to say but i feel she is very slack on how shes looking after her daughter ( my neice ) she does not have any routine in looking after her child my neice will not sleep in her own cott always with the parents, she hits her parents, dosnt like her nappy changed at all, goes too bed at 10pm literally glued too her mum. My cousin gets very fustarted when she crys so too stop her crying she just BF's her... sometimes my neice dosnt even want a feed and sits there for comfort. everyone has there own way of bringing up there kids but i feel my daughter is an angel compared too that. im very organised, have my routines that my daughter knows without a doubt and she isnt even 1 yet. my neice is 1 at the moment and has been doing this since she new how. she also wakes up 3 times a night also. and my cousin wants another child in a couple more years.

its hard for her too look after 1 at the moment imagine another =S
should i say something or keep too myself quietly?
whats your thoughts on this or no anyone similar?

No i would not say anything.
From what you have described her DD sounds alot like my DS at that age.
He was a horrible sleeper from day 1. He has only started sleeping through the night 4ish months ago at age 2. Before that i was up 10+ times a night (and no i'm not kidding).
We tried to set a routine because DS was not going to bed most nights before midnight, but it just didn't work.
Am i not allowed to have another child because i didn't have a routine for my son? Or because i had to pin him down evey change time? Or because i let my son comfort feed?
Trust me if anyone came up and told me that i'm doing a bad job i would have snapped their head off.
I think you should just keep quiet...

I would keep out of it if you value your friendship with your cousin. What you have described has been my house many many times, during various stages of the girls. If someone told me that they were concerned there was a problem because of our lack of routine and the fact the girls comfort feed/fed i would blow a gasket. Like parenting isnt hard enough without a best friend judging what we do. Its kind of offensive that you think she shouldn't have a second purely based on her first. I cant even imagine how many people wouldnt be in this world if we based all conceptions on that lol.

I can tell you right now, the thought of a routine doesn't appeal to me at all, but I do realise that when froggy gets to kindy we will have to start one...I shall worry about that then lol that said, I'm not concerned when I have friends with set/strict routines because I know that is what works for them as a family. What works for you doesn't work for everyone.

Why would you even consider saying anything?? It doesn't sound like she is doing anything wrong. Nothing wrong with comfort feeding if your cousin is happy to do it. Also nothing wrong with no strict routine. As PP have said I would stay out of it.

tickled*pink wrote:
Its kind of offensive that you think she shouldn't have a second purely based on her first. I cant even imagine how many people wouldnt be in this world if we based all conceptions on that lol.

If that were the basis for more children..my first child would have been an only child! tongue

2nd child has been so much 'easier'...maybe because I've mellowed in my old age, and/or learned not to sweat the small stuff, and/or thrown the parenting books esposing the saving grace of 'routine' out the window??? unsure

C_hippie_kiwi wrote:
tickled*pink wrote:
Its kind of offensive that you think she shouldn't have a second purely based on her first. I cant even imagine how many people wouldnt be in this world if we based all conceptions on that lol.

If that were the basis for more children..my first child would have been an only child! tongue

2nd child has been so much 'easier'...maybe because I've mellowed in my old age, and/or learned not to sweat the small stuff, and/or thrown the parenting books esposing the saving grace of 'routine' out the window??? unsure

Better to have the "terror" child first I think. Some parents who have a nice happy placid baby first get a false sense of security and confidence, only to be rattled by the next one. I know a woman who has 4 kids - she said the first 3 were planned and all very similar pregnancies and similar as babies. So when she accidently got pregnant with the 4th she was ok about it, she thought yeah I've done this 3 times, no worries this one will be the same... BUT that was the hardest pregnancy, the most difficult birth and a very clingy, emotional and time consuming baby/toddler/child/teen. Goes to show though, you can't always judge the parents based on the temperement of the child!

C_hippie_kiwi wrote:
tickled*pink wrote:
Its kind of offensive that you think she shouldn't have a second purely based on her first. I cant even imagine how many people wouldnt be in this world if we based all conceptions on that lol.

If that were the basis for more children..my first child would have been an only child! tongue

2nd child has been so much 'easier'...maybe because I've mellowed in my old age, and/or learned not to sweat the small stuff, and/or thrown the parenting books esposing the saving grace of 'routine' out the window??? unsure

Yes! Froggy would certainly have been an only child lol lol i agree, dd2 has been so much easier and I think that's only because don't sweat the small stuff anymore. Within weeks of her birth I had all of my family commenting on my new attitude laugh not so highly strung.

Skubala wrote:
C_hippie_kiwi wrote:
tickled*pink wrote:
Its kind of offensive that you think she shouldn't have a second purely based on her first. I cant even imagine how many people wouldnt be in this world if we based all conceptions on that lol.

If that were the basis for more children..my first child would have been an only child! tongue

2nd child has been so much 'easier'...maybe because I've mellowed in my old age, and/or learned not to sweat the small stuff, and/or thrown the parenting books esposing the saving grace of 'routine' out the window??? unsure

Better to have the "terror" child first I think. Some parents who have a nice happy placid baby first get a false sense of security and confidence, only to be rattled by the next one!

That was my mum wink apparently I was such an angel of a child she couldn't wait to have another...and then my brother, the demon in toddlers clothing was born. Lmao poor mum didn't know what hit her.