Child 1 + PND = no more children?

I always thought I would have 2 kids but after such severe post natal depression I don't know if I can face pregnancy and the 1st year of child rearing again.

I'm interested to hear from people who have chosen to have more children after PND and also parents who have chosen to stick with one child.

What are people's experience with continuing with anti-depressants during pregnancy and breastfeeding?

I was getting so anxious thinking about having another child that my partner said lets not even think or talk about making a decision until November. My precious girl is now 2.

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. I had shocking PND on top of clinical depression with DD. In all honestly until she was about 3 I used to see heavily pregnant woman at the shops and think "Oh you poor thing."

I was told at the time that it takes about 3 years for your hormones and body to properly regulate itself again after having a baby. I would say don't rush things but don't do anything drastic either because you may find that once your little one gets to 3 or 4 you may start feeling differently, I know I did. Last year was such a dreadful year for us ttc #2 that I sometimes don't know how the heck we got through it and with every loss and heartbreak I wondered if I had the strength to try again but I found that each loss just made me want this baby more. I am now 33 weeks pregnant and I would be lying if I didn't say I am shit scared of getting PND again and I know that one big trigger for me was sleep deprivation.

I can't help much on the antidepressants front because I can't take them, they just make me worse so my only real options are professional counselling and support to try to work through it but at least I know now that no matter how dark it seems at the time there is an end eventually and it doesn't last forever.

I think your partner has the right idea and sounds very sensible and supportive.

Hun, I was suicidal with my first. I vowed never to have another. With time you do heal, and I believe the answer is to not have another unless YOU choose to. As you can see by my ticker, time did wonders for me. I chose in that 5 years to educate myself about everything to do with myself and how I tick. I wanted to have an understanding of my mental state in order to control it.

One of the biggest battles I had once I was well again was it happening again. So much so that when dd was 3 & I considered that perhaps we could have another, it took another 2 years before I was strong enough to face my fears and just do it. To be honest if I hadve gone with that fear I still wouldnt have another. I didn't know how to get over that fear... it came to the point where I knew we would have another, but I felt that if I waited until I was 'ready', then it would never happen. I decided to go ahead with it, and help myself by seeing a psychologist to put a plan in place for when bubs was here. I felt comforted knowing that by having a plan in place that it could never have a chance to get as bad as last time.

Bubs is here... and I've never been more settled and happy. I've had a second chance - I never knew what it was like to actually enjoy a child the first time. This time my baby has brought me so much joy that it sometimes overwhelms me.

You will know what you want out of life if you give yourself the time. Don't pressure yourself. smile

I like the idea of enjoying a newborn. I certainly didn't enjoy my child's first year. I feel a certain greif about that and I feel sad for my daughter too.

I've had that grief too. It often brought me to tears in the past as I felt like I missed out on the first 2 years of my daughter, and I can't get it back.

It's still there a bit that feeling, but mostly I try and look at it that this experience definately changed me as a person, changed my outlook, helped me grow and develop into the person I am. And I'm definately a better person now than I was. So there's a positive from it.

Of course my story doesn't mean you wont get pnd second time round, many people do. But I think it's very important to plan for it in order to prevent it or to manage it properly if it does come up.

It is so reasurring to know that I am not alone in these feelings. I appreciate your comments.

And yes, I am a better person as a result of the horrors of pnd.