Do you think this is rude...?

2littleBs wrote:
Sorry if this is long winded but its a bit of a vent aswell..

We went to a good friends wedding back in Feb. It was an Island wedding, off the mainland, so it was a days travelling to get to the closest town, a nights accomodation there, then a ferry trip and nights accomodation for the wedding and another days travel home. The whole weekend cost us over $1000 plus a day off work for DH (he is self employed so no holiday pay and our business is just breaking even at the moment).
Anyway the invite clearly stated that because everyone was travelling so far they didnt expect gifts, however if we wanted to contribute we could via a honeymoon registry website.

I had a look at the website, the cheapest gift was $100 and it was for 'cocktails by the pool', there were other things like meals out and activities like surf lessons (they were going to Hawaii. I dont know I felt funny about giving them 'a round of cocktails' or something like that and was going to give them some cash but then DH suggested we didnt have to get them anything and the more I thought about it it was a lot of money to go in the first place, so I decided we wouldnt. I had another friend going who had decided the same so I felt comfortable with my decision, and even more so at the wedding when another couple there said they had decided not to give a gift either.

Anyway, I was talking to my friend the other day (the one who decided not to give a gift aswell) and she said 'I loved that pic that they used on their thank you cards', I was like huh we never got a thank you? turns out she got it a couple of months ago. So when I was talking to my sister next I was telling her about it (she is also friend with the bride through a mutual friend) and she already knew that we werent getting a thank you... she didnt want to say anything to me because she doesnt like to stir and she knew I would be upset but she had overheard the bride telling someone that she couldnt believe we didnt give them a gift because apparently we have quote "more money than anyone she knows", which is not at all true its more like more debt!!! (she calls us the Trumps because we have several investment properties but doesnt at all understand how it all works)
I fell really hurt about all this and find it very rude, going to her wedding was really stressful in the first place because DD2 was only 5 months and still BF but it had been requested she didnt go but the same time I she told me it wouldnt be right if I didnt go to her wedding because Im one of her best friends.. not to mention the cost of it all. Am I over reacting or do you think its rude aswell?

Not over reacting at all imo!! I'd be hurt too sad Oh and for the record, I wouldn't of contributed either after having to pay all of that to be there and i'm shocked they asked at all really!

Ur not over reacting!! I think that's very rude! After u made all the effort to go along - expenses, baby and all - she/they shouldn't be so petty! N of they actually gave thank you's to other ppl who didn't gift but expected u to, then that's just even more rude and obnoxious... She needs to get off her high horse.... :/
I'd be very annoyed n upset if any of that happened to me!

Yep, very rude. I would be pissed. The thank you card is to say thanks for coming to celebrate our wedding, not thanks for your gift. They are the ones that stated no gifts, they could have had a wishing well instead of the registry ( I hate registries) .

But I don't think there is much you can really do about it, unless you wanted to confront your friend. But that's something you would have to decide. smile

Wow...that's so disappointing for a friend to act like that sad doesn't matter if you're a millionaire, she could still thank you for going to the wedding! And why did the cheapest gift have to be $100?! I find that in itself rude...why not any contribution so even $10 towards cocktails?

Id be hurt and I'd be telling her why sad

Rude as! And the fact that she is talking behind your back!!! Nice friend she is Pffft You have every right to be upset and hurt.

With regards to your rental properties... you are right, sometimes people don't understand that you have to borrow the money to buy the property and then it takes years before you see a positive cash flow. So I understand where you are coming from there *hugs*

That is so rude of her. You paid alot of money to go & weddings to me aren't about what gifts that you receive it's about the people who you love being there for you.

I know nothing about owning & renting homes but i do know about running your own business and it does take time for you to break even & if hubby not working no money coming in.

She not a true friend to you & if this is upsetting you, you have 2 options go to her & ask her to tell you the truth or you let this friend go.

I would ask her what her problem is & tell her that a true friend doesn't talk about someone behind their back they talk to you face to face.

Sending you a hug & sorry that this person has upset you.

I think you are right, she doesn't sound like a good friend anymore. It's a shame but sometimes you just grow apart, she obviously has totally different priorities to you. Maybe once she has children she will see things differently and realise how silly she has been.

That is rude! We had people come to our wedding that did not give a gift, I would never ever mention that to anyone not even my best friend. I still sent them a thank you because it's about attending the wedding not a giving a gift.
From what I get your friends sounds very selfish and ungrateful that you even made the effort to be there. Not a true friend at all, I'm not sure I would bother with her anymore.

I would be hurt/upset. I probably would want to question her about it but I also don't like confrontation so I would probably just keep quiet. If like you said she doesn't put in any effort and you don't think you're really that close anymore then I would probably just let the friendship go and when/if she asks you about it then mention why.

I know where you are coming from, my best friend had her wedding where her family is so we had to fly there and stay for the weekend. She wanted her hens thing there too so I ended up down there for a whole week (and a bit) so we could do the hens thing the week before because she also didn't want it the same weekend as the wedding. Oh, and no kids too (or at least not mine, the other bridesmaids son was the pageboy!) the other bridesmaid (a single mother and student!) and I spent a fortune on activities etc for her hens day like she wanted. When my hens night rolled around it was dh who organized and paid for pretty much everything, and because my friend had left it so late to bother organizing it basically none of my friends could come! sad I was pretty gutted, and annoyed that dh paid so much for it since we also funded hers, and she is deffinately way more well off than we are (recently spent over 40k on a holiday, and are now on another overseas trip probably totalling double that!) so I def see where you are coming from. It really sux when your efforts etc are not appreciated!

We had friends that invited us to their engagement party, we had just moved 4 hours away and were going to try our best to get there, in the end we decided we would rather make the big day and save a bit of money before then. We gave them plenty of notice and apologies before the party. About 6 months later we heard the wedding has just occurred. Apparently they decided if u didn't come to the engagement, you didn't get invited to the wedding. It was second hand info and might not be true but was a bit slighted just the same!

SHE is the rude one and you are not over reacting