newly single mum...

Hi,

I just wanted to ask people for any support, advice.
My husband of 7 years has decided that he wants out of the marriage and has admitted to having an affair for a number of months and now is in a relationship with her. This only happened 4 weeks ago!

I'm feeling so many emotions. We have 2 beautiful children.
Can anyone pls share with me some words of wisdom???

Thank u.

So sorry you are going through this tough time. Sending you huge hugs.

You will need time to adjust, emotionally, physically, mentally & you will need support. Your children will also need time & support. You will find some support in each other, but you will need outside support, other family members, friends.

Allow yourself to be angry, grieve, question why, scream, cry or whatever, just not in front of the children. All normal & healthy to feel & go through.

Best piece of advice though, do not bad mouth their father to or in front of your children. If you want to have a whinge about him, make sure your children are out of ear shot or not with you at the time.

Encourage the children to have, share, discuss their emotions too, as they will probably be confused & upset (depending on their ages). Keep the lines of communication open between them & their father & allow them to see each other & spend time together & overnight(as long as there is no history of substance abuse or violence). Tell the children he hasn't left them & still loves them.

Try to stay civil with their father too. It helps in the long run for everyones' well being.

It is a long & difficult road & I feel for you all. Wish you all the best & a future of happiness beyond these dark clouds. smile

i agree with PP... keep your head up and dont bad mouth their daddy...

my ex husband did that to my DS... i in return kepted my mouth shut... eventually DS hated seeing his dad and they never ended up having a relationship...

good luck... i know it is very hard for you at the moment... but where one door closes another one opens....

My husband and I just separated 2and a bit months ago. I posted a thread about what to do and not do, was good, got a lot of pointers. I found the old motel bill on the work cc statement. I won't lie, it's a kick in the guts he chose some whore off fb over me and the kids, but really it was not a good marriage, and already I am at peace with asking him to leave.
My kids and I are having fun together. It's hard, but we don't have to put up with his moods, not doing anything with us, taking all the money for himself and selfish things/holidays.
I have explained it that it is better to live in two happy homes, than one grumpy one. That we both love them, and so on.
We are still trying to work out things. He says stupid stuff, buys them everything they want, let's them get away with murder, cancels at the last minute for ridiculous reasons (so don't tell them until he rocks up now).
I know I deserve better, so am not putting up with his lying cheating ass (can you tell I'm probably still in the anger stage laugh ).
Have you bot centrelink and child support all sorted? Also good to lawyer up (if you can afford it) to change your will, super beneficiary, etc... Have you decided if you will stay in the house? If you get the single parent pension, you can get exemptions on phone line rental, power, gas, car rego, etc...
Remember it will all pass with time, I still cry too, but in the long run it will be better. And as others have said, surround yourself with supportive and loving people. I hope you feel better soon. Good luck.

Hi,

First of all I am really sorry you are in this situation. I do know how you feel and it is not a nice place to be. My ex of 7 years up and left 3 months ago now. He told me he had never loved me, I later found out he was having an affair with a married friend of his from work. It was an incredibly hard thing to go through and I was a wreck. This all happened before Christmas and I had to go through my sons first Christmas alone.

The only thing I can say, and I know it is not what you will want to here, is that time really does heal. I am now just starting to feel better and ok with the situation.

My ex has changed a lot since he left, at times I do not recognise him. He has become very selfish and I do not feel like he puts our son first. Being a stay at home mum I have found that I have way too much time on my hands to think. I tried to go over our whole past to try and work out where things went wrong. Unfortunately all I think I did was make myself crazy.

It is very inportant to start doing things for you.

Something I am still struggling with is the custody of our son. Three months later my son has just started over night visits (he will be 1 next week) this has been very hard for me. I never wanted to be a part time mum but I do think it is important for out do to see his dad.

Like others have said try and remain civil with you husband when it comes to the children and don't talk negatively in from of your children.

I really am sorry you are in this situation. Being a single mum is hard so make sure you accept any help that is offered.

I think everyone here has given some great advice. I just wanted to say I'm sorry that you are going through this, he sounds like a dirtbag and you deserve to be treated so much better!

I separated from my children's father 7 months ago. It has been a very difficult time, mainly because he has made it as hard as possible by behaving immaturely and not accepting it but things are better this way than our children growing up in a home where there was so much fighting, blame, resentment and just negative energy among many other things.

Make sure you accept support from people close to you, I hope you have family and good friends to stand by you during this time. You are not responsible for this, he has chosen to do this so don't blame yourself. You will feel better in time. And definitely agree with others in trying to remain civil if its possible.

Just remember as hard as it is now you will start to feel better soon xx

Hi,

I just wanted to ask people for any support, advice.
My husband of 7 years has decided that he wants out of the marriage and has admitted to having an affair for a number of months and now is in a relationship with her. This only happened 4 weeks ago!

I'm feeling so many emotions. We have 2 beautiful children.
Can anyone pls share with me some words of wisdom???

Thank u.

Hi thats sad to here, I hope your ok. I think its inportant for you to mourne the loss unless already done so . You have to be strong for your childrens sake and life goes on with or without him.

grin grin grin grin i am not a single mother at the moment but i am seriously thinking about it..
i just want you strong, single mothers out there to know that.. in my eyes you are the greatest mothers... i grew up with only a mother after the age of 7 when my father left. As a child you do not understand the situation and times get sad, but gradually as i grew older i became aware that my mum always put mine and her greatest intensions for my future..
i think that no man can do the job of a real woman or mother.... i think the best parent in the world are those who have to play the roles of the mother as well as the fathers role.. i want you strong woman out there to keep your heads held high knowing in the depths of your heart that your child will aways be first priority....
my partner and i go through our ups and down and iam starting to think will it be easier seperating before the birth of my first child or wait to see if things improve. i am unsure if my good intentions will end up biting me in the butt. i feel as if i should do the hard part before baby comes, rather then having to deal with thing while babys in our lives!!!
i do know that im gonna have to re-priorities my life!!!
i hope you ladys out there keep strong!!!!