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daughter arressive to mother in law

Posted 28 July 2010 - 03:41 PM Pinatea Posts: 3

Hi,

I am a young dad who just have my mother-in-law visited us from oversea. She will stay with us for the next 3 months. I have 2 yrs old daughter which normally shows a good temper. But for unknown reason, she is quite aggressive to mother-in-law, she doesn't listen to her, always shout or yell at her. This is the first time they are living together in the same house.

I am a bit worried that my daughter will develop her habit. Could anyone please suggest what to do?

thanks

pa

Posted 28 July 2010 - 03:50 PM

Hi

At 2 years old its a big change for her to have someone else staying in your home and someone who is telling her what to do. Perhaps your daughter doesnt understand why there is someone new and why this person is perhaps "mothering" her. They can change their behaviour quickly too and go from fairly passive to having tantrums and shouting, that's a normal part of development. It might be a coincidence it has happened at the same time or it might be something your MIL is doing, perhaps she is for want of a better term "forcing" herself on your daughter? Maybe if she was to give her some space to get to know her she might respond to her better. I have found with my daughters its best to hang back and let them be the one to come to you, if someone they dont know tries to handle them or would discipline them they wouldnt respond to it well either. 2 year olds dont have social graces, if they dont like something or someone they show it with no consideration for any one elses feelings - that's normal.

How is your MIL towards your daughter?

Posted 28 July 2010 - 03:51 PM missyme* Posts: 1983

Could it be that your focus has changed from primarily on your daughter, to now this stranger in your house taking up all your attention? Firstly are you strict parents? Do you pull her up on her unacceptable behaviour? It wont turn into a habit if you stop it early enough. You or her mother will need to say something, as it will only make your daughter worse if it comes from your MIL.

How long has your MIL been there for? It will take some time for your daughter to adapt.

If it was me, i would make my daughter spend some time only with my MIL. Get her to do something exciting with her - go to the park, go to macdonalds - something that your daughter enjoys doing, and then she wont see her as such a threat. She will come around, i just hope its early enough that she will actually get to enjoy having her grandmother around.

Posted 28 July 2010 - 04:23 PM Pinatea Posts: 3

My MIL has just been with us for one week. She often tell my daughter not to do things harmful or offer things she doesn't request.

I thanks for valuable advices. I will tell my MIL not to get into her space too much, and will let they spend more times together.

thanks,

Pa

Posted 29 July 2010 - 01:57 PM Pinatea Posts: 3

Hi,

My daughter behaviour toward MIL is getting worse. Last night and this morning, she for no reason shouts and puts grim face as soon as MIL start talking to her. Sometimes she just ignore MIL and pretend that MIL is not even exists i.e. not reply and look at MIL when she was asked.

I witness what happening and tell my daughter not to do that, trying to explain what she did was not so nice, but she still does. My wife is getting irritated and startting punish her.

...don't know if it will getting more worse, I will ask MIL to take her out for playing.

If anyone has any ideas, please suggest

Pinate

Posted 29 July 2010 - 08:42 PM

This is normal for a 2 year old, its not nice but its normal. I dont think she should be punished for it as she doesnt understand she is hurting your MILs feelings. Just tell her its not nice and distract her with something else. You shouldnt feel embarrassed by her behaviour and your MIL shouldnt take it personally.

She is too young to have consideration anyone elses feelings. She doesnt understand respect for anyone either. Maybe if she sees you and your wife interacting happily with MIL and you give her more positive attention things might improve, she will follow your lead possibly.

Often if you ignore the bad behaviour and distract with something else it will pass alot quicker than if you make a big deal about it.

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