The Secret Life of a Slummy Mummy – Sample Chapter
Extract from The Secret Life of a Slummy Mummy by Fiona Neill
I spot the blurry outline of one of the fathers from school walking down the road towards us. He is talking on his mobile phone and running his fingers through his thick dark hair in a gesture familiar to me from the previous school year. It’s Sexy Domesticated Dad, with his disarming opinions about what constitutes a nutritional lunch box and a penchant for mothers’ coffee mornings. But it’s not those characteristics which fix him in my mind. It is the way he looks and the way he moves. Something much more primeval. In fact, the less he says, the greater his appeal.
Even from a distance I can recognise his shape. In that strange juxtaposition of random thoughts it suddenly occurs to me, that in appearing at this moment, he has inadvertently become part of the bigger picture. I curse my hastily thrown together second choice of outfit: tartan pyjama bottoms under a long grungy coat in what I’d hoped would pass for casual chic in underwear-as-outerwear fashion. But it’s too late to hide in the hedge with my pint-sized sons, so I surreptitiously check for yesterday’s un-removed eye make-up in the wing mirror of a stationary 4 by 4.
I jump as the automatic window slides down and someone looks over the passenger seat to ask what I am doing.
‘My God, you look like a panda,’ says Yummy Mummy No 1, my sartorial nemesis. She opens her glove compartment to reveal spa-like contents including a half bottle of Moet, Jo Malone candle, and eye make- up remover pads.
Download the sample chapter here – Sample chapter Slummy Mummy