Parenting

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keeping your relationship alive

Discussed on the couch today was the hot topic of sex after the birth of your baby. The first question of how much does your body change raised quite a stir. It changes a lot according to the girls and it really does affect your sex life with your partner.

Keeping your relationship alive

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No longer are you toned and slender, but things have moved into places that weren’t there before, such as breasts are lower, bigger, smaller, sorer, and your hips and waist have taken on quite a different look. These changes can affect how you feel about yourself.

Lochie Daddo responds to this discussion from a male point of view and says he thinks to watch your wife go through pregnancy and birth actually increases the love and admiration for your partner making them just that little bit sexier.

Alison Osborne, author of The Post-baby Conversation shares findings from research with many couples, telling us how important it is to make time to keep the relationship strong. She also recalls the story of a ‘stay at home dad’ who was too exhausted after looking after the baby all day to respond to his wife’s amorous advances when she came home from work. All the girls agree that this is a reassuring story as women are often portrayed as deliberately withholding sex from their partners. Cindy Pan shares how it’s not just the physical tiredness that can affect you when you’re with the kids, but the emotional tiredness that comes from being a mum, and this can make it hard to relax with your partner.

After kids come along, making time for your partner suddenly becomes a lower priority. Yet after the children are grown up and independent, it’s just the two of you again. So how can we reconnect, keep the romance, sex and fun alive?

The well used cliché of take some time for you conjures up dinner at a fancy restaurant or a weekend away. Alison suggests it’s much simpler than that. It can be 10 minutes at the end of the day where you take the time to actually talk to each other and reconnect. Her big tip is don’t try to have this conversation in the bed, as she has learnt that when a man goes to bed it’s for either sleep or sex, not talking.

Alison raises a few critical conversations we should have before a baby enters the dynamic:

  • Discuss the sharing of household duties outside of core working hours
  • Discuss reciprocal time out alone so the at home partner does get some ‘me time’.
  • Discuss that dad will spend time alone with the new baby right from the start

The big message is stay working as a team, keep the fun and laughter in your lives, remember that the two of you are where it all started so work hard to maintain your relationship.

Further reading on the Huggies site

For more information see Episode 9 Relationships or Parenting .

Visit Huggies mobile site