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I tend to agree with you nyrrek.......

The only way babies have to communicate with us is by crying, and lungs don't need to be excercised, that is a myth. Even the nurses will tell you that even if you are one to try 'control crying', you should do this until a certain age. I read somewhere that when a baby cries, sometimes they just need a cuddle (remember, they were in your womb for 9 months and suddenly they are all alone), if you don't come, they will continue to cry until they think that they have been deserted and then they will stop crying only to conserve energy and so that they don't attract predators (this is an animal instinct thing). This may sound a bit far fetched, I think I read it on the Australian Breastfeeding Assn website, but when it boils down to it, our babies are only babies for such a short time, and all they want is our love and warmth. My daughter sleeps in her cot beside our bed, and occassionally....well more often than not.....she'll climb out of the cot and hop into bed with us. People are always telling me that I shouldn't be allowing it etc etc. However, I think it is each to their own. My brothers and I all slept with Mum & Dad when we were little (if we wanted to) and we all turned out to be good sleepers. My Mum has no regrets about letting us sleep with them...I'd like to be able to look back on our childrens childhood and remember all the love we had. After all, they are babies for such a short time......

Calli

Mummy of 2 little angels. 6/6/03 & 3/8/05 & No 3

OMG are you serious Leisa?
I couldnt bear to leave my baby cry for one and a half hours!! and what exactly is ~
'wont take that garbage tacktics'?
I havent heard of that approach to parenting before. I guess its each to their own but I agree we dont have our babies for long and I too would prefer to enjoy them while they are young.
I can't imagine that a small baby would cry for that length of time for no reason. Babies are not cognitively aware enough to be manipulative. They are not conscious of the cause and effect (ie. if I cry, Mum will come and get me), until after 6 mths.
I never left my daughter to cry as a baby, and she has gone down awake and slept perfectly from 7 weeks old. If she cried, I picked her up, cuddled her or fed her, and she settled. All they really want is to feel safe and secure.
I also tolerate no nonsense from my daughter, but in a positive way, by reinforcing her good behaviour and ignoring her bad behaviour. She has frequent tantrums, but they never last long once she realises that she is not getting any attention. By punishing them for such behaviour ( like making them stand against a wall - is that for real?) you only reinforce the idea that bad behaviour is a good way to get Mum's attention.

Mum to Maya Grace 02-03, Sienna & Mercedes 10-06

hopefully ms commins was talking about older babies, cause i think if you left a new born cry for 1 1/2 hours you would be done for child abuse...10 mins max was all i would let my child cry unattended for, and even in my mums day 20 mins was max, they claimed that boys especially could get hernias if left to scream for too long...
Wow Leisa really has a "contraversial" topic going there, I do wonder if we have read her post & automatically assumed the worst of her "techniques"...
These are just my opinions & I dont want to upset anyone either...
Only being an expectant mother I havent had hands on experience yet, (I do get in a fair bit of practice with my rascal nephew) although I do believe a no-nonsense attitude is good, but you can only take it so far.
I tend to agree with the above mothers too.
I can just imagine what my neighbours will be thinking if I were to be seen walking around the house with ear muffs on & they hear a child screaming non-stop - probably call our child welfare service. That timeframe is something I will never leave my baby to cry for at any age, I feel if they are crying that long there must be a reason & leaving them to cry like, their brains arent developd like ours, but they still have emotions that surely make them feel neglected & insecure?? & as they get to the stage of knowing they can maniuplate, wouldnt you have learned to tell apart the demand/tantrum & try a different approach rather than letting them cry continuously?
As for using "no garbage tactics" on toilet training, my mother had 4 of us & had each of us out of nappies by 2 yrs (I hope I can do that!) & never forced it on us. In my opinion I dont think discipline should be used at all with toilet training, my husbands niece was forced to go toilet by her other g/mother - & punished when failed - she still holds on as long as possible, she hates it & clams up the moment someone asks if she needs to go - shes almost 6 now & when she stays with us she would be lucky if she went toilet 2 times from lunchtime till bedtime - seeing her fear has made me see its one thing you cant force or punish for.
I would fear bringing up my child with what comes to mind as "standover tactics", not only worrying that it would affect my relationship with them, but also for fear of being considered a bad mother - I'm not trying to say that you are if you bring you child up like this - just as other kiwi mothers will know (as buzzy points out), over here the smallest thing can be taken the wrong way now & you can be done for abuse or neglect and have your child taken from you & you dont even have to have laid a hand on your child.

Arna & Paije (29/09/04)

My goodness Leisa,
If you actually listened properly to the Nurse's they would have told you that after 40 minutes go in and give them a cuddle. But you would also go in at regular intervals in between.

I was onced condemed for leaving my son to cry for 10 or 15 minutes whilst I had a shower. But this was only done after I had tried absolutely everything to get him to sleep and nothing worked.

Seems like this is not a parenting tip but more like a tip for child abuse. You may not physically hit your children but you its possible you are doing a darn good job at abusing them emotionally. I understand that with twins it can be sometimes very difficult, I have friends with twins, and they would never dream of following any of your guidlines.

Early on a first time parent, even a second or third etc time parent, can't differentiate between a babies cries as they are new to us and all mean different things. Babies cry as they are hungry, wet or dirty nappy, hot, cold, bored, feel sick plus many more reasons. How can you truely be certain that your baby was crying just "because". Maybe he felt just unwell, nothing major but enough that a cuddle from mum would have fixed.

I will make sure I never follow your advice.
I can only imagine what my condemers think of your techniques.
Kristy

member since 2004

Maya cried for an hour and a half last night, but oh boy was it sheer temper!
She usually settles really quickly when I put her down, but last night she suddenly started screaming after she had been in bed about 10 mins. I went and checked on her, gave her some panadol as she is getting her 2 y o molars, and put her back. She cried some more. So I gave her a cuddle and said "what's making you sad?" She kept pointing out towards my bed and saying "mama's bed!"
No way was I letting her in my bed, so I got her up for a few minutes. She sat on the couch with this look on her face that said "ha ha ,I won!". Little monkey.
So after about 1/2 hour lying on the couch I put her back to bed, and she cried again. This time, knowing that there was nothing wrong with her, I left her and let her get on with it. Eventually after about an hour she fell asleep.
Mum and I were listening to her on the monitor the whole time, and you could hear her stop from time to time to listen to what was going on outside! Little ratbag is getting so clever! But if I hadn't have let her get on with it, we wuold end up having the same battle again tonight, and tomorrow, and the next night...
I think the difference is that at 18 mths she understands that bedtime is bedtime, and that her cot is where she sleeps, and her tears were just testingthe boundaries. Smaller babies don't have this undrestanding, they just know they have a need, and crying is their only way to voice that need.

Mum to Maya Grace 02-03, Sienna & Mercedes 10-06

Hi everyone,

I am now pregnant with my 7th child. I personally don't believe in practicing controlled crying for any length of time. My children were always tended to whenever they cried and they have grown up to be very well adjusted. They are not spoilt from being picked up as a baby. I admit that many times it was difficult and I became sleep deprived from getting up to my babies during the night, but I figure that I knew that babies cried before I got pregnant. If I wasn't prepared to give my babies the time they deserved from me then I would never have had any.

I would just like to say to any new parents who have trouble with a crying baby. Go and see your child health nurse or doctor and ask them to refer you to a sleep clinic or day stay centre. Here you will find professionals who will give you the help you need. Babies cry for a reason. Don't let your baby keep screaming without trying to look for a reason.
Barbara
Well ms commins certainly got some tempers flaring - now back to the topic in hand - tips for new mums - keep your baby bag packed, restock after each outing and that way when you want to go out you are ready to go and have one less thing to worry about. and buy tow of the stuff that works, ie bonjela, one for the bag and one for home.
Great tip Buzzy. I have done that from day one with my son and found the only thing I had to worry about was a change of clothes as the weather is so unpredictable here in Victoria. I have wipes, cream etc just for the nappy bag and evry week fill it up with about a dozen nappies so I'm never caught short.
Ms Commins certainly did stir the pot, a little too much.
Another tip that helps my son sleep is relaxation music. He has a cd playing all the time and sleeps for 2 hour at a time most naps. Theses cd's are also cheaper than those designed to get abbies to sleep and are just as effective. Borrow some from your library to see which ones work best with baby as my son has a favourite one that works the best.
Kristy

member since 2004

On the subject of baby bags, I keep a plastic bag in the boot of my car with a change of clothes, a couple of nappies, some wet wipes, and a box of 'snacks' like prewrapped crackers and dried fruit and a plastic cup. I also keep a measure of formula and a bottle of water to make up a bottle. That way if I am out longer than I anticipated, I have supplies!

Mum to Maya Grace 02-03, Sienna & Mercedes 10-06

Encouraging baby to drink water.........

I find that adding a few drops of gripwater to baby's drinking water not only adds taste but is also great for winds. Reduce the amount everyday and in no time baby will be drinking plain water without a fuss. Its harmless and works. Bye bye to water-teaspoon feeding.

Mom of Andraya - 24.04.04 and Miguel - 05.05.08

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