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is there something wrong with me? Rss

Hi,

I'm not sure where to start. I have a 5month old who right from the start has not slept through the night. I once had a 6 hour bout of sleep 2 nights in a row, but that's as good as it's gotten. I am also finding it really difficult to, I guess bond with him as he just doesn't seem interested in breastfeeding from me and would rather have formula, so i made the decision the other day to give in and formula feed him so now i'm fighting the guilts and depression at being rejected. I know I love him and definately wouldn't want anything bad to happen to him, but I also have a 2 year old and if there was a choice between the two I would definately pick my first son.
I am very, very tired, constantly lashing out at my husband as a result. I thought that formula feeding would help my baby sleep better, but it doesn't appear to be. He wakes every 1-2 hours at night, and has (2) 1.5 hour sleeps during the day, but unfortunately they don't coincide with my 2 year olds sleeps, so no nap for me even.
I have been told, it's because he hasn't learnt to settle himself, but he puts himself to sleep every time, it's just when he wakes he can't resettle.
My 2 year old was an angel. Hope someone out there can help, or offer some advice or commiserations.

2boys

Hi CazH26,
Firstly, I would like to say that there is Nothing wrong with you. You sound like you are just really tired. Don't feel guilty at stopping breastfeeding. You managed to feed him for 5 months, which is more than some mums can. It is more important for him to BE fed, rather then the WAY he is fed. Is he on solids yet? He may be still a little hungry thoughout the night, and this is why he is waking.
Secondly, it sounds like you and your husband need some quality time together, and some undisturbed sleep. Is there anybody around you can leave the kids with for a night, and you and your husband have a nice dinner together, and some undisturbed sleep?? You will be amazed at how just one nights sleep can change the way you feel. You will feel fresher, and able to deal with things better.
You may feel as though you would chose your first born son over your newborn, but it could be just because he was an easier baby to care for. You ARE a good mum, you just need some time for yourself and some sleep. If you ever want to chat, my email is traceyl01@hotmail.com I will usually reply quickly to any email sent to me. Feel free to write anytime if you like.
Tracey

Mother of 3, Qld

HI CazH26,
I know exactly how you are feeling. Ella never was interested in breastfeeding so at the age of 2 months we changed to formula. I had all the guilty feeling of not being able to feed her, but a good chat to my OB fixed that.
She too is a light sleeper and still occassionally wakes through the nights. Lately it has been once a night, but a few bad ones have been in between, especially now as she is getting her 3rd molar tooth.
Maybe your son is also a light sleeper and disturbs easy at night when all is quiet, have you got a radio that you could play very softly to him of a night and see how that goes??
Has he started to show signs of teething as yet? This could also be a problem as when they are all relaxed that's when their little gums start to hurt.
Please don't doubt yourself. You may feel that you would choose your first born, but given a life or death situation you would do anything for your baby. You are only feeling this way as you are so tired (I know how that feels) and feel as if it's never going to end. If he was your first baby you wouldn't know any better as there would be nothing to compare him too.
A night by yourself with your husband would be ideal just to get some rest, but also understand that you may feel a tad guilty leaving your son with someone else if he isn't a good sleeper. If they don't mind, take them up on it for your own sanity.

Best of luck and I hope that I've helped you feel slightly better.

If you want to email me for a chat it's: loulou_074@hotmail.com

Louise, Brisbane Qld. Mum to Ella and Luca

Hi there,

I can understand exactly where you are coming from. I am a first time mum and I thought (silly me) that it would be a whole lot different from how it really is. Mackenzie is 5.5 months and she is still waking between 2 and 4 times a night. Sometimes she wants a bottle and sometimes she doesnt. This morning at 4.30am I was sitting giving her a bottle crying my eyes out because my husband work afternoon shift and I work all day so it is a very long day dropping her a daycare at 8am and then picking her up at 5pm and then with her on my own all evening, by the time I get to even think about having a bit of dinner it is at least 9pm and then bed. Then with her waking so much through the night, I feel as if I am going to go around the bend.

I know I am not able to offer any suggestions, putting Mackenzie onto solids has made a little difference but not that much, but it may be worth a try. Email me if you would like someone to listen stephanie.honer@electrolux.com.au

Good luck, stay in touch.

Stephanie

Stephanie, NSW, Mother of Mackenzie

Hi first of all I would like to say that there is nothing wrong with you. I agree with one of the other ladies who thinks it would be great for you to get someone to take care of your kids for a night. You may feel rejected and all that goes with giving up breastfeeding and going to formula. You did so well to do the breastfeeding for as long as you did. Some of my friends are having the same problem. But your baby has gotten your milk in the early stages which is the most important time in their life. I think if your husband is willing to do this, you should see if he can get up to your baby first thing in the morning, give him a nappy change and a bottle and keep the 2 year old entertained for just 1 or 2 hours so you can catch up on some sleep. I found after a little extra sleep in the morning I felt I could handle the day a little better and could see things a little more clear. I would strongly recommend you try out the soilds for a little while as this worked on my son ( it gave me 1 to 2 hours extra sleep) even though he was waking 5 times still it was good to get a little extra sleep. I hope someone can help you out for a little while. Maybe get your mother or close friend or someone to stay for 1 night and take care of your two wonderful children for you this way you are close at hand if there are problems.Take care and I hope you can get some more sleep soon. Letitia
plsharp@mueller.net.au
Hi Caz

You poor thing, you must be soooo tired!!! I dont have much by way of advise to offer but i definately feel for you! My baby girl Ella (now 6.5months) was a terrible sleeper when she was newborn and still has bouts of waking at night (like last night she woke 3 times), but luckily not too often now. I stopped breastfeeding her at 4wks old, i also felt incredibly guilty but i know it was the best thing for both of us. Dont feel guilty! You've done an unreal job, you fed him for 5 months which is excellent!!!!

Have you seen a dr with him to rule out reflux or anything like that?

Also, how does he feed, have you started him on solids?

Does he have a dummy? Ella went through a stage of waking up every hour on the hour at night when she had a dummy because she would spit it out and decided she needed it to get back to sleep but couldnt put it back in herself. I ended up taking it away which ment a couple of really rough days but definately worth it in the long run.

I'm sorry i cant offer any suggestions apart from maybe seeing a dr with him.

keep your chin up mate!

Bel

Belinda, WA, lovely baby girl

Hi CazH26
I have a 4 1/2 month old who was a light sleeper at first and would wake around 2 times a night, and that drove me crazy, so i think you are doing really well. My partner and i try to get out of the house at least once every couple of weeks(we have no shortage of babysitters) to go see a movie or just have lunch without bubs, and after a couple of hours i can't wait to get home and see him again. Everyone needs a timeout now and again just to keep your sanity. As far as lashing out at your husband, just remind him you are tired and not to take anything to heart. It's better to let off steam at him than your children. Finally if it's getting too much talk to your doctor as you may have a slight case of PND. I hope this helped a little.
If you ever need somebody to talk to email me at monkeyboy@adelaide.on.net

Nicky, SA

no there is absolutely nothing wrong with you sweetie

switching to formula made me feel bad to but breastfeeding killed me and i regreted feeding charlee and would often cry every feed cos it hurt so much
what i am getting at iscos i was in pain charlee didnt sleep throughas she wasnt getting enough so when i switched i got sleep as she was fulfilled if it dosnt work make up to bottles and top the other up with extra formula and give him solids it sounds like he is hungry

dont ever think there is something wrong with you there is not you have to wonderful boys that you made so there mustin be anything wrong

cheer up
mandi

DD may 03, DS oct 06

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