Huggies Forum

Huggies® Ultimate

Learn More

Losing Babies Trust Lock Rss

My son doesn't sleep all the way through the night and at the moment isnt self settling. I want to try some things to see if I can get him to sleep through and learn to go to sleep again by himself.

Lots of people are suggesting that I just need to be tough and let him cry it out without going in until he falls asleep.

I've heard some mothers say that by doing this they lost their babies trust.

Just want to know other mums experiences please!

I do let him cry but will always go in every now and again to reassure him. I can't let him cry for more than 15 minutes at a time though or else I end up crying! he he!

hi i dont believe in letting them cry for long either i personally see it as a form of punishment for the child.When i do its no longer than 10mins. Everyone gets to stressed then.

Maybe try putting a radio on in his room on low or gently patting his bottom.Im still having at least 2-3 nights a week when my 7 month old wont sleep through.Unfortunately he cant put himself to sleep he needs the boob to do it.

Maybe try giving an extra top up feed before bedtime.

i hear you, its hard isnt it i had the same problem, i didnt like leaving him to cry it out, i started a routine that i use everytime he goes to bed i say its bedtime now kiss him on the forehead and pop him into bed. He use to buck and scream so i would face him away from me and rok him quite firmly and say shhhh shhhh until he settles it seems to go on forever, it proberly took about 2 or 3 days of doing it but it worked a treat for me i know its really hard but if you stick with it they sorta know whats coming, hope this helps
Who knows really if they lose your trust or not. It is never going to be proven by research alone, as there are far too many other variables in a childs life that can affect them, more than a bit of crying in their early years.

If you look at yourself as an adult, compared to your friends: can you tell who's parents let them cry for a few minutes and those that didn't?


You just have to do what you think is right at the time.
Hi There!
I personally don't believe in letting babies 'CRY IT OUT'.
I have just started trying the PU/PD method..(Pick Up/Put Down) seems to be working for us at the moment... but who knows in a few more days..LOL!!
Jorja is 9mth now, so how it works for us is that when she starts crying, usually she is standing up in her cot, I go in and pick her up and lay her straight back down...everytime she stands back up and cries I pick her up and lay her straight back down... no extra cuddles and no talking.. just straight up and straight back down... and keep doing this until she FINALLY goes to sleep. It will take a bit of stamina on your part though, because although these little mites are SMALL they are most definately STUBBORN and DETERMINED. It took about 45mins the first night (at 3am) and last night about 10mins to resettle her.
I've only just started using this, but it seems to work for us at the moment and is much gentler than letting them 'CRY IT OUT' all on there own.
Hope it helps.. if you need or want anymore info just let me know.



I'm with YummMummyK here. I also don't agree with controlled crying. The baby whisper has some good techniques in her books for breaking bad sleep habits.

I think I have a differnt take on it.... When our DD was 8 weeks old we taught her to self settle. Yes, it did take some protesting crying (we would never leave her longer than 5-6 mins) but it was worth it... It only took a few days and she stopped cat napping during the day and started sleeping through at night (7pm-7am). Making her a much happier healthier baby! (and a happier mum too) as she is getting the sleep she needs.
With the trust issue I suppose I think its the opposite as she now sleeps for 12 hours without needing us and wakes up with a very happy face in the morning! If she felt unloved or anything she would wake up.
Personally I preferred having a few hard days then as every night since she has slept for 12 hours... and has thrived as she has been getting the right amount of unbroken sleep. Dont see how this could be bad for her! I only wish I could tell everyone that it CAN be easy...
But I understand everyone is different and you do whatever works for you!
When our bub was 7 months old we tried Tizzie Hall....I didn't relize she was into Cry-it-out.
We still tried the book as we were really tired.
We worked on those silly routines for a month and my daughter didn't want to be held by me...and became very stressed as well as a I would have to say sick.
Her only way to tell me this was not right was to stop eating and taking milk from me.
Once I realized what I was doing it took me 3 months to win back her trust and love.
Now with working with the Sears method I have a loving baby who really wants to help...not to mention a really great sleeper.
Hi, thought I'd just give a report of our progress.

I've taken the Pick Up/Put Down method that YummyMummyK suggested.

So I worked out a little strategy which was to put him to bed at 7pm, i'm still maintaining the 10:30pm feed just for now and then not feeding him till 6 or 7am whenever he wakes up.

Last night was our fourth night...

First night he woke at 1:20am and it took me an hour and a half of laying him back down when he stood up...the second night was worse...he settled after 45 mins with me doing the same thing but it only lasted an hour and then took me almost 2 hours until he fell asleep again...the third night it was 45 minutes and then last night he didnt wake after his feed which was amazing!!!

I'm so encouraged by the great progress! =)

Thanks to everyone who replied to this post!

im with cass and bell i did teh same thing when my dd was 6 weeks old as the only way i could get her to sleep was rocking her and when i would put her down she would wake up and it got to the point it was ridicously stupid so i did self settled and best thing i did,slept 12 hrs from 7 weeks old sleeps great during day and i tell you losing the trust is a load of rubbish as my dd is a real mummys girl and i know she loves me so much with the smiles i get, but each to their own

actually research alone has proven that abandonment techniques such as 'cry it out' does interfere with attachment forming behaviour. its fairly basic, baby cries = mother responds.

obviously it is up to each mother to decide, but generally if attachment is an important issue for them, leaving their baby to cry in despair is not the answer.
I think trust is important. babies cry for a reason dont they? I have used many things - but breastfeeding and having our sons in a cot beside our bed/or in the bed if I fall asleep smile - has worked best for us. we dont have any tears at bedtime (wake alot for teething during the night though) and i can leave our sons both awake and smiling in semi-darkness based on that they trust if they do shout or cry - i will come straight away.
i read The No cry sleep solution (E pantley), sleeping like a baby (pinky mckay) and talked to many other mums and decided that i would do what is best for us. cuddling and talking and rocking - and then leaving and saying goodnight when they are ready..
there is a paper somewhere on the 'australian infant mental health institute' (google it maybe?) site that is downloadable and talks about how babies need to feel safe (because of the way we have evolved as humans) and that it isnt too great to leave them cry.
Sign in to follow this topic