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my rights vs dads rights Lock Rss

ok ill keep this as short as possible...i dont no weather or not to get custordy papers as i was advised that as soon as i go to the courts it opens the doors for him to go for 50%. i do not stop him from seeing the kids but i do stop him from taking them overnight as they r only 2 n 9weeks. the house he is in is not suitable for children (its a party house) but if we were to end up in court he would clean the house up till courts over.... he hasnt seen or called the kids in 2weeks now but theres talk with our mutual friends that he wants to go for full custordy of our 2yr old. there is also speculation that this is mainly for money as he doesnt work n is an alchohlic n uses drugs. i dnt no weather to take the first step or wait, if he takes the first step i wouldnt get legal aid's help n cant afford a private solicitor. our newborn has cystic fibroses so i cant afford for him to get sik cuz tht means 2weeks in hospital n i cant afford the time of wrk which is the biggest reason i dnt let him take the kids. i also no that he thinks our 2yr old is old enuf to b self-suffient n would leave her to fnd for herslf while he was gettin stoned. i dnt allow my children around drugs n they neva c me with a drink in my hand so i dnt want to put them in tht environment there. i am quite sure if i was to strt court procedings he would clean everything up n make sure there was no drugs or alchohol in his system until court was over, he no's a fair bit about the system which im still learning. im quite young, my family r biased, im stresed out n really need help with this??

Him saying he's going for full custody and actually doing it are two different things (from what you've said of him he's probably too busy getting stoned to bother). Its a long process, not something you can just "get" and more often than not its the mum that retains custody.

Speak to legal aid, that's probably your best bet but in doing so that doesnt mean he automatically will get 50% shared care especially as the children are so young. More likely he'd get weekend access - BUT not if he has a drug/drink issue, then he'd be lucky to get supervised visits.

I think its all alot more in your favour than you realise and its probably best you get all this documented sooner rather than later.

Good luck.
like the pp said saying it and doing are 2 different things and if it does go to court he will have alot to prove. i don't think the courts would split the children up if he only wants the 2 year old and your newborn with cf is not something just anybody can deal with iykwim if your nb needs pyshio etc he wil have to learn how to do it properly etc speak to your nb doctors if it becomes and issue they might help sway it yourway if need be.
goodluck with the court and your child with cf.
my husband has cf so i know a bit about it



I am a bit of an expert on the subject at the moment. I have just gone through the family court system for my 6 month old. I am telling you honestly. There is absolutley NO CHANCE your ex will get full custody (now called day-to-day care) of either of your children. If you can prove that he uses drugs (email, txts, witnesses, photos etc). They will not let him have them at all... not even 50/50. The only possible way is if he alleges you are an unfit parent (abuse, drugs etc). The court seriously frowns at parents who use drugs. If you have serious concerns for your children having overnights with their dad, you do not have to give in at all. If you do agree and then later on something happens and you change your mind,if the court is involvced then, you will have to keep letting him have overnights until a judge says not to. It is called status quo. Whatever has been happening, stays happening until you both agree to change, or a judge tells you to.
You will be entitled to legal aid if you earn less than 32, 000 per year. If not, depending on experience, lawyers cost up to $280 per hour PLUS gst. Very pricey! You can go onto the Legal Services agency website to find out your eligibility.
If you do file for day to day care you will write an affidavit (with a lawyer, or on your own if you want to represent yourself)and your ex will reply. If you cant agree on who will have day to day care or contact (was called access) then you will be sent to councelling. You get 6 free sessions. This is to help you to sort out your own problems rather than go to court. At this stage your children will get appointed their own lawyer. Called lawyer for child. They will write a report to the judge and tell them what they thing is in your children's best interests (probably to stay with you). It is very unlikely that they will have one of your children live with you and one with their dad. Is best for them to stay together.
If you still dont agree on things after your councelling sessions, you will get sent to a mediation conference. This is where there is a judge and both of you. The aim is for your to sort out your own problems and the judge will help with that, but not make a decision there and then. If all of this fails you will go to a hearing. This is where the judge hears both sides and makes a decision. You dont really want to get to a hearing. It is intimidating and a judge who is a complete stranger is going to determine your life's outcome.
Most people sort it before they get to this stage. It is a slow ans stressful process. It took me over 4 months to get day to day care of my baby. I think this is average. I was entitiled to legal aid. My lawyers fees were $3083. That is quite reasonable. The benefit of using the courts and officially having day to day care of your children is that you have it official. It is a court order. If your ex has the children and does not bring them back in the agreed time (written in the order) you can call the police and they will uplift the children and bring them home to you. If you dont have the court order saying they are in your full time care he can just come and take them anytime doesnt have to give them back whenever you say. It gives you power, but it is a bloody hard piece of paper to get. lots of stress and money, but worth it once you do. Once you have day to day care, it is difficult for him to change that. It remains the same (status quo) till he applies through the court to have it changed.
By the sounds of it I think you will be fine. Just start gathering evidence of his background ie. living in a party house, drug use etc. He will have no chance of having the kids. The court only looks at what is in the children's best interests. That phrase got drummed into my head. Thats all they care about. the kids. not you or your ex. It sounds as if they are better with you. Chin up girl, you will be fine. Any other questions, just ask
I agree with the previous poster about documentation but if I have one bit of advice you should BURN IN YOUR BRAIN is KEEP A DIARY!!!!!!!! An everyday journal on all your dealings with him, how he seems, when he dosnt show up, your childrens behaviour after a visit - absolutely everything! If he is meant to pick up the kids and rings ten minutes before put it in the diary. If he rings to speak to the kids put it in the diary, this will only go against him when there is a big gap between phone calls. My girlfriend had an abusive/drug addicted/jail bird of an ex who is basically the worst of the worst when it came to his child, he would cancel a playdate ten minutes before when she had travelled two hours to deliver her child to his father as he couldnt afford a car! He was dealing and taking drugs around the child but when it finally got to court she had kept no documentation of four years worth of suffering on hers and her sons part and her ex suddenly became a model citizen, he is only allowed supervised visits but it still fighting for 50/50. If you start a diary now, you will make it SOOOOOO much easier on yourself by the time it inevitabley goes to court. Also jump on the dads in distress website, they also have a section for Mums, get into the forums and put in there what you have written here, they are all going through the same thing and will have some invaluable information for you to start your case, Doing this now, will help you skip alot of heartache and stress in the not too distant future and will give you the upper hand. Good luck.

Christopher 08/10/05 William 30/12/08

I agree with the 2 earlier posts. Document everything it worked in our favour too. Phone calls,what was said to doctors visits to who paid for what -reciepts. Also take photos with dates as proof- his house, the children when they return to you. You need to get something in writting. My husbands ex took off wih their 2 girls for 6weeks when they first split and there was nothing he could do because she wasn't kidnapping them. We now have 50/50 care of them but she also knows that we can remove them from her care as we are able to provide a better home environment for them. The courts will not split the children up. Ring Child Support and ask for a copy anything they have on the subject/ visit their website.
Hi mumznbubz07, I would suggest the first thing you do is contact a lawyer or Legal Aid. These are important issues that need more than website support.
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