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SAHM feeling judged! Lock Rss

I'm a stay at home mum to a beautiful 16 month old boy and proud to be one. I'm very lucky that I have the chance to be at home with my son but I can't help but feel as though I'm being judge. I'm constantly being ask 'when are you going back to work' and when I answer that i'm not planning to anytime soon I get some strange looks. I've been called fat and lazy, I'm not financially contributing to my family and I'd rather go to mothers group then get off my fat lazy ars and get a job! All of these comments were made by a friend (no longer). I feel as though I need to prove myself, but I know I'm the best person to be at home with my child. My husband dose not want me to return to the workforce as he also thinks I should be at home with our son. Both our families are very supportive as both our mothers were SAHM. I would never judge another mother for there choice or needing to go back to work, what works for one family may not work for another. Why can't people see that. Sorry just having a vent!


people are f'ed! Mothers are the most judged people on this planet and it is really unfair.
We all do a fantastic job in our own way but it seems no matter what you do someone will be critical of it.
It doesnt help when motherhood comes with a whole range of emotions that disconnect us from our old life, people come along and judge our decisions in our new life like they could do a better job..worst is when the other person has no kids of their own!!

Sorry I cant really help how your feeling just letting you know taht you arent the first to feel this way and god it sucks, best is to know that you r doing a fantastic job and I believe staying with your son is the best option and if it works for u then who cares about the rest. Small minded people dont go far in life...
Tell them to get lost. SAHM's have the best job in the whole world. Even on the days that it gets on top of us.
You are not alone!

I am a SAHM, to an almost 4 year old and our youngest who is 14months.

Like you, my hubby is perfectly happy with me being at home with our children, he dislikes child care intently and I am happy to stay here and raise our children. We had always intended that I would look after them until they started school and return to work part time around the children.

As for the accusation that you are not financially contributing to your family, What A CROCK!

We did the maths, taking out travelling costs, lunches, child care costs etc, I would have only brought home about $100 extra a week, sure we could have got the child care rebate, but I would miss out on spending time with my children.

My job (I am still on maternity leave) was very well paid in the government, but extremely stressful and overall, pretty unpleasant. If I can avoid it I won't be going back for a few years yet!

I say, good on you! Stay home with your kids and don't worry about other peoples opinions. They are either jealous that you can budget around one income or bitter that they didnt get to spend time with their own children!

[Edited on 20/01/2010]


I think you need to be happy with what you are doing and not worry what others think, especially people like that! I'm a SAHM and I love it and so does my DH - I couldnt give a toss what anyone else thinks cause we are doing whats right for our family and this time is so precious.

I havent worked for four years (since DD1 came along) and dont plan on going back until my second is at least 2 or 3.

Love what you are doing and you have every right to be proud, you dont need to justify yourself to anyone. You are doing the most important job there is!
[Edited on 21/01/2010]
Please ignore anyone who says things like that! I am a working mum and I get judged too because I am not at home all day every day. No matter what a mother does she will always be judged for it so if you and your family are happy then that is all that matters.
Just out of curiosity does your friend have children?? There is more to running a family than just finances!
I think that people should keep their opinions to themselves...Being a SAHM is the hardest job i have ever had, my eldest DD1 will be 6 this year, and my youngest will be 3...We do not have family to babysit, and no one to look after DD1 after or before school, so for us, it suits for me to be a SAHM...But at the end of the day, its about you and what works best for your DH and family...If people judge like that then don't talk to then again, or tell them they are narrow minded...Everyone's situation is different and you have to do whats best for yourself, whatever that may be!

I am just about to head back to work , and people keep saying 'how will you cope?' my work is quite busy and high stress. My reply to them is ' compaired to being a mum going to work is easy and not nearly as full on as parenting. Dont get me wrong i love my little boy to the very centre of my being and love being with him but no one can ever call you lazy if your a mum! It is a full time job (more than) and just because you dont get paid does not mean you not a contributing part of your family. In my opinion you are the most vital part of it.
Glad to hear your no longer friends with that thoughtless person, and all the best for the future
Aaarghhh! I hate this.
Over the last couple of months I've had a couple of arguments with a few friends and I always get 'How about you get off you're a** and get a job!' !!!!

The most recent person who said this was SIL! Can you believe it? You expect FAMILY to be a little more understanding. But then again she is the most self centered rude person I've ever met, and says she NEVER wants kids.

Thinking about her makes me so bloody angry! sad

Thanks to all of your replies and support, I think the moment you fall pregnant everyone and anyone has some sort of negative/positive comment to make, and I guess that's just what comes with being a parent. I think we should each be respected for what we are doing, as we are doing what best and what works for our families.
I do think there was a bit of jealousy with this girl as she had no choice but to rush back to work after her son was born. But I will never criticize her as I believe she is doing whats best for her family.
Danielle- I'm sorry to hear that family are not being very supportive, just as long as you know you are doing the right thing for your family smile


Thanks. Everyone in my family are extremely supportive, except her. She's just a horrible person...

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