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Baby's Surname Rss

My partner and I are unmarried. Originally I had just decided that the baby would take my partner's surname (which he was of course happy with) but now I am becoming uncomfortable with the fact that I will have a different surname to my baby if we don't ever marry. We have been together 7 years (since high school). My partner was originally for marriage but in the last 12 months has been thinking marriage is a sham after seeing some of our friends' marriages. I tend to agree with him on some respects, but his ideas mainly worry me cause if we don't marry I will always have a different name to our child. What are other people's opinions/experiences on what surname a baby should take in the case of unmarried parents???

Thanks

Ryan (2) & Jayden (18mths)

I completely understand how you are feeling as my partner and I are also unmarried (expecting in August).

First I was quite adamant that no child of mine would have a different surname to me so I was just going to use my surname. Then I decided I was being unfair on my partner and have now decided to use his surname - we do however plan to get married one day.

I'm not sure what the best solution for you personally is, but hyphenated names are definitely out for me.

I'm sure it'll all work out in the end. smile

Tarns

you could have both names but i agree with the only answering post i'd never do that. think about if you do marry and your other half has a different name i think they have to adopt the baby. i dunno. i am unmarried and eilish got my fiances last name i wanna get married one day but i aint in a rush.

Narelle, Eilish 5th june 2002 TTC since dec 2002

Hi Jo

I'm in the same boat, and I'm going for baby number three, due in June.....!!
It looks really bad on the Medicare card to have my surname different to everyone else's !! Hee hee.
We will however get married when we get time.
I do know of a couple who decided that marriage wasn't their thing either so she changed her name to his via Deed poll, and everyone was happy !!
Maybe up your alley....or then again maybe not ?!

Hope this helps

Carmel,Vic, 2 and counting...

Hi guys.

Thanks for the advice. I agree I am not for the hyphenation either. When telling him my concerns about having a different name to our baby he suggested deed poll too (I thought he was joking!). Will keep thinking about it, I am back leaning towards the baby having his surname again. Who knows, he may change his feelings about marriage when the baby is here.
Thanks,
Jo

Ryan (2) & Jayden (18mths)

Hi Jo,

I know this is an older thread but as I have only just joined the forum I though I would add my 2 cents worth. One of my friends had a baby before she and he partner married (they got married about 2 years after the birth) and she felt the same way you do - didn't want the baby to have a different surname to herself. So she pretty much said to her partner - if you don't marry me I am going to change my name to be the same as yours and the baby's.

On a different topic I am married and have decided to keep my surname, our baby will have it's dad's surname as I don't like hyphenated names either but I will always have a different surname to my children by choice.

Hi Kate,

Having re-read what I wrote It's funny how your views can change in a matter of weeks!

In the last couple of weeks I thought about 'why' it was REALLY important to me to have the same surname to my baby and came to the conclusion the main reason I wanted to be married and have the same 'family' name was because of 'what people might think!' WHich is pretty lame.

Like yourself, I look at all the women who CHOOSE to keep their maiden names even after marrying and having children (eg Reese Witherspoon, Catherine Zeta-Jones using stars as examples).

Realistically even if we DID marry I would probably have to keep my maiden name for work purposes, cause that is the name i have established my career as ... anyway to cut a long-winded post short smile ... I have decided to stop worrying about what people might think and as long as my partner and I are happy (which we are) and our bub is happy, it doesn't matter if my surname is different to my baby's and my partner's

Ryan (2) & Jayden (18mths)

Hi. I'm a single mum and I chose my baby to have my last name. I was talking to a friend of mine and she said her name was the same as her mum's until her mum married and then they went to the registery and changed her surname.

You can always change the surname once you're married, then it won't matter if something terrible happens and you end up apart.

Penny

BTW the father of my child has a 1 1/2 year old as well and his last name is the same as his dad's but my child's isn't. It shouldn't matter as long as everyone involved loves your child.

Hi there,
Looking at it a different way, almost 11 years ago I had a baby, Her father and I were planning to marry (which we did) so I gave the baby her fathers surname. As I said, we did end up getting married, but like many marriages these days it ended in divorce. I kept my married name so that I would have the same surname as my daughter. This was all fine and dandy untill I remarried and changed my surname. It was something that meant a lot to me at the time but when I look back now, the important thing was all time and love that I put into her, not what our names were and while I admit it would be nice to be able to change her name to be the same as ours now, it's not something that is worth causing trouble about.

I guess that no matter what you decide, you can never really tell what the future holds.
Erin

Erin,W.A. kids 12,5,2 and 1

Hi Jo,

While I can't relate to this personally with my own children, as I am married very happily... I am wondering if you have concidered using both surnames with a hyphen?

For example my friends little girls name is
Rose Hogan-Gibson. Dad's surname first, followed by mum's surname.

My mum and dad never actually married and so my mum gave me my dad's surname on the birth certificate... when I was 5 years old they seperated permanantley and my mum who had changed back to her maiden name, changed mine as well by deed-poll. But forever on my birth certificate is my father's surname with a note that states my name was legally changed when I was 5 years old. I am just glad to be married now and have my own family name.

Make your desicion carefully... it could affect your child some day.

Michelle smile
Hi Jo
As you haven't had your baby yet I thought I might tell you what a friend of mine did.
When her son was born she wasn't married to his father so he became James Stephen Daniele Park. Then when she got married they changed his name by deed poll so that his surname was just Park.
You could always have your surname as bubs middle name like some of my friends have done.
Just a suggestion, but it really doesn't matter what the surname is, its how much you love your little cherub.
I did like the idea of changing your surname by deed poll.

Kristy

member since 2004

Hi guys

Thanks for all the advice everyone. I am still a little undecided about what to do. I can see the pros and cons of both sides ... it is confusing. I have read one persons opinion and think 'That is right' and then another persons and agree with that too.

My surname is unfortunately not a good one for a middle name, and as I said earlier I don't like the idea of a hypen or two surnames.

The easy solution would be to get married but the choice of when that happens is entirely up to my partner (he knows I would say yes so he just has to ask the question). He has been getting pressure though from family and friends to 'do the honourable thing and get married' which is really annoying. He hates being told what to do, so all their nagging is just putting him off marriage right now even more (which I totally understand cause I would feel the same in his situation!)

I think I will be making the final decision when filling out the birth certificate smile

Thanks once again everyone for sharing your stories and experiences
Jo

Ryan (2) & Jayden (18mths)

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