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To bring siblings in the labour room during birth? Rss

Hi,
Can anyone please help me, we are having our second baby in august and i really want my 5year old daughter in the room while i give birth.
My partner thinks it will freak her out, but she has been with me for all my tests, exams etc and she is a very clever little girl, when you explain things to her she really gets it.
I honestly don't see a problem because she can just go out of the room if it gets to much, anyway i would love everyone's opinion.

thanks
Mandy

2 cuties 7/5/99 & 8/9/04

Hello this is an email I recently received. It was called The Middlewife:-

This is funny but obviously a good reason why you should not let your children be there when you're having a baby!!!!!! What were they thinking....
7 Year olds can be so funny! They have their own perspective.

The Middle Wife. By an Anonymous 2nd grade teacher

I've been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second-grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it to school and talk about it, they're welcome.

Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. "This is Luke, my baby brother, and I'm going to tell you about his birthday. First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom's stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord."
She's standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I'm trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me.

The kids are watching her in amazement. "Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts saying and going, 'Oh, oh, oh!' Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. "She walked around the house for, like an hour, 'Oh, oh, oh! Now the kid's doing this hysterical duck walk, holding her back and groaning. "My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn't have a sign on the car like the Domino's man."

"They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this." Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall. "And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!" This kid has her legs spread and with her little hands are mimicing water flowing away. It was too much!

"Then the middle wife starts saying 'push, push, and breathe, breathe.'" "They started counting, but never even got past ten." "Then, all of sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff, they all said was from Mom's play-center, so there must be a lot of stuff inside there." Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat.

I'm sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, if it's show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another Erica comes along. Life is meant to be lived . . . enjoy! Laughing helps. It's like jogging on the inside.

************

I personal wouldnt do it for a few reasons. It would be very hard for a young child to understand why mummy is in pain, as you know they pick up on our emotions. Then there is also the chance something went wrong, how would you explain that to a child?. What if you were rushed for an emergency caesarean? Who would go with you and who would say with your daughter?? What about the blood?? That could be pretty scary for a child. My husbands step mother took her 13 year old son and step son with her for the birth and her son really freaked out and her step son fainted! In the end the kids had more nurses than the mother giving birth. Please dont be offended as this is only my personal thoughts. It is your child and you know her better than anyone else. Good luck with what ever you decide.
P.S. I hope the email gave you a giggle!
Hi Mandy

My 3 1/2 yr old daughter ended up being with us in the birthing suite as it all happened so quickly in the middle of the night. She was pretty cruisy with the whole idea, but I decided that I did not want her to see me in that much pain when the pushing part came along so her nanny and aunty took her out of the room and then they returned as soon as our son was born.

She saw the blood and I must admit - it did freak her out a bit, but as your daughter is a little older, this may not be a problem. We had the most fabulous midwife who explained that the blood was perfectly normal for having a baby and that seemed to ease her worry a bit.

As you say, if it gets too much for her, she can leave the room. Just make sure you have someone else there who can take her out. The last thing you will want to think about is making sure she is alright.



Jodie, Qld. Madison (09/09/00), Ashton (22/01/04)

Hi Mandy,

No offence, but I think that if I were a five year old and I got to see my mum in labour, I would be permanantly scarred forever. In fact, I probably wouldn't ever become pregnant just to avoid that memory reappearing in my head.

I wouldn't want to see my mum in pain and I wouldn't want to see that much blood. Think of how much adults freak out when they see that video in the antennatal classes of a woman giving birth....and that's just grown ups.

I understand the appeal of having your daughter there. It's great that she is clever and that she can leave if it gets too much but I honestly don't believe she should be put into that situation in the first place. There will be enough joy in the air for her when she gets to see your beautiful little baby but don't ruin the moment through taking an unnecessary risk of mentally disturbing her by having her there.

Many people have different opinions on this one and I obviously tend to agree with your husband. Whatever you decide, I wish you well.

Super.

bubsy32

Thanks for your replies, we will have my mum and also my best friend in the delivery room so we have people to take her out if it's needed. I still don't know what we will do, so keep the replies coming smile please.

Thanks super my partner says the exact same thing as you, but it's hard because my daughter has already been told how babies come out and that they are in fluid in my tummy and that they drink milk from mummys boobs smile She asks alot of questions. At every hospital visit, which for my it's been five so far at 20 weeks, the doctors all tell her something new, whether it be about blood, how they breathe in fluid or the cord, she knows just as much as me!
thanks heaps!
Mandy

2 cuties 7/5/99 & 8/9/04

This post has been edited by the moderator.
Hi Mandy,

I am 25 weeks pregnant with my second child and my daughter will only be 19 months old when her sibling is born... I plan to have her there with me at the beginning as long as there are no complications. But my husband, mother-in-law and best friend will all be there, so any one of them can take my daughter away at a seconds notice. I have the luxury that I think my daughter will be too young to understand... however having said that she is a pretty bright toddler. Just when I've been telling everyone that she doesn't understand there is a baby on the way, she comes over to me the other night and looks at me, smiles, and pats my tummy gentley. Ahhh, toddlers... is there nothing more precious?

As for you little girl at 5 years old there is no sugar-coating how graphic labour can be. I think you should get a child birth video and maybe sit down and watch it with her before hand... see what sort of reaction you get. If she gets distressed by it, then its probably not a good idea to take her with you.

Whatever you decide goodluck with your labour.

Best wishes,

Michelle
Thanks everyone i really like hearing your views and I'm still to decide, I loved that story about little erica, you know that is exactly what my little girl would do she is always wanting to know everything, and she stores it away and pops info out when you least expect it.

Recently she was talking to her great nan and told her "mummy has a baby in her tummy and it was kicking her trying to get out, you know what the baby does it drinks milk from mummy's nipples"!

Everyday she suprises me with what she knows.
Anyway thanks for you ideas i might just show her some birth videos. thanks again.
Mandy

2 cuties 7/5/99 & 8/9/04

Hi Mandy,

I am due end of July and plan on having my 4 year old son in the labour room with me. I have set up a support person for him to keep him occupied and take him out if he wants to.

I have also been reading heaps of books (visit the library they have a wide selection) and will be showing him a video that my midwives are organising for me.

I also posted on this topic awhile ago so see if you can find it and read other comments.
The main thing is its your decision. You know your child and how they will cope. All the best. I'd love to know what you decide and how it turns out!
Lis : )
i could not think of anything worse for both you and her i was in labour foir 26 hopurs with my 1st then had a c section how would u like her to be thre for all that time seeing her mum in so much pain

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14

Thanks Lis,
they are really good ideas, i will show her some videos and books, thanks heaps.

My labour with my daughter was only six hours and mostly for the second they say it is quicker,I will have a few people so my little girl can leave the room.

Thanks everyone

Mandy

2 cuties 7/5/99 & 8/9/04

im on my third pregnancy right the moment and it is going to be a boy..... my first two are girls and we have the closest of all relationships,,,, they are only 3 & 4 and to me i feel that is definately to young..... although i do wish i could take them (as they too come to all the appointments) they are very "grown" to this bub.........

I think... GOOD LUCK.... you have people there to take her out if she needs too or if you feel she should.....

Maybe you should kind of test her a lil' they have those birthing movies, maybe show her a lil to see her reactions


GOOD LUCK WISH YOU WELL
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