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  5. The whole sharing/take turns activity

The whole sharing/take turns activity Lock Rss

Hi all!

My little one has a little friend (and this happens even with other children she is interacting with) that is the same age as my little one, 27mths old.

They play quite well together, generally, however, of late the little friend wants everything my child wants (toys wise), my look on it is yes my child needs to take turns and let the friend and other kids have a turn of the toy too but if my child has it first then she shouldnt have to give it up straight away?? Would you agree? My little one puts the toy behind her back.

If the other child goes to snatch it off my child my child hits them and the hitting also occurs when a child gets in her personal space.

I guess Im aksing for your opinion and how I can handle this situation delicately because these people are freinds of ours. Is it a matter of me emphasising the SHARE thing?!

Ta smile


I think sharing is a hard concept. Adults don't share very often and I think the expectation that kids share everythingis just a bit much.

In your sort of circumstances I usually say to the child who wants the toy "x is playing with that toy at the moment, when he is finished you can play with it. why don't we find a toy for you to play with while you are waiting." to the child with the toy. "when you have finished playing with that toy, could you please give it to him to have a turn."

i think it is very reasonable that a kid has certain special toys that they don't want to share with others. if we have visitors i would suggest if they don't want other kids to play with the special toys that they put them away.

i dont think kids should be punished for not sharing, i just think they should be encouraged to share but don't beat yourself up if they kick up a fuss. they will share in time!
I agree with previous post if your child is deliberately withholding a toy just to stop their friend playing with it then they need to be encouraged to share, but if they are playing with it why should they hand it over. Telling them to put away toys they don't want someone else touching is an excellent idea after all we all have things that are precious to us. It can also be used as a lesson as if she doesn't put it away and isn't playing she must share that teaches her consequences or her actions

As OC said...sharing is a learned skill and not even something we as adults tend to do very often. As adults though, we understand the concept whereas toddlers dont.

As DD2 got more mobile she started taking an interest in her older sister and would want to play with whatever DD1 was playing with. Obviously DD1 didnt want to "share" her toys with her sister. So instead of enforcing the "you must share" rationale I flipped it around and asked DD1 if she would find something her sister could play with. Instantly she was up and bringing out all manner of toys and books for her sister to play with and both girls were happy. This approach has worked brilliantly for us and our girls now happily play together. It even works when we have little friends over.

If you adopt this approach I believe the agression your child shows towards other children will stop too. It sounds like she is just asserting her independence because she's uncomfortable with the situation.
my approach would be to emphasise the sharing concept. However, not just for your child! If my DS is playing with a toy and his cousin (who is 4 wks older!) wants it then I say 'no, XYZ is playing now. You can have a turn in a minute' and then after a minute i get my DS to 'share' and give the toy over.

so far it works well. my ds is 18 mths old
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