I have a darling daughter (DD) who turned 3 in June. I also gave birth to my darling son (DS) in July. Since February my DD has been having some attitude problems but since just before DS was born things are horrible and I am really starting to dislike her and the person she seems to be. Its not just a matter of her ignoring everyting that comes out of mine or my husbands mouth but she picks fights and does the opposite of what we ask even if its something good eg We say try and jump really high on the trampoline. Well she will suddenly sit down and so NO I DONT WANT TO. She might ask for "something to eat" which I hear a thousand times a day Im sure just for attention and normally I would offer her a list of reasonably healthy things but the other day I immediately pulled a pack of Tiny Teddys out of my bag and gave it to her and she had a look of delight on her face before she realised that she had just accepted it without an argument so the she started to say "I dont want . . . " but stopped short because she realised what she would be turning down.

She is tooooo smart for a 3 year old and turning out to be toooo smart for us. We try ignoring the non-important things but the she uses that against us and keeps doing it because we ignore it. We try time out, taking toys away, smacking - everything and she just doesnt care.

I try to spend some play time with her each day and she gets to watch me change DS nappy and gets a nurse at least once a day but once again she only asks for a nurse as soon as I say he's going to bed - again, attention seeking. He is only 8 weeks old so cant do anything yet but she talks to him while he's on his mat but she uses this stupid high pitched crazy voice and fast wild movements really close to him, she pulls his arms and legs usually gently but when I havent responded to that she might do a hard squeeze or pull, so she knows that Im ignorning the unacceptable behaviour so then she takes it to the next step where I have to intervene or DS or DD will get hurt. My husband and I have now started to argue because we have both been sooo strung out by her. We are arguing while we are agreeing with each other. This has to stop !!!

I should stop now before I run out of space. Does anyone have any ideas to help me. Please dont just say it will take time because Im running out of patience and my mind. HELP ME PLEASE.

I know you said you have the naughty spot but how well does she respond to that spot if she doesn't care than keep putting her back there until she's silent than tell she's been a good girl for listening to mummy.

I would think that it is something they go through but by the sounds of it she wants attention and the only way she's getting is by being rude. Try and tell her "you're being very good today" and praise as much as you can while she's being good and if she's bad take her straight to the naughty spot and tell her why she's there and that she has to stay there until you come and get her and no matter how many times she gets up just keep putting her back but this time say nothing. When she stays silent for 2 minutes or so go and get her and ask her to say sorry and than tell her you come and join in playing now.

I does sound like she's a bit jelous of her new brother so try and involve her in everything you do with him and grab at oppotunities for her to help out with him and praise her for helping you with him.

Even though you may have already done this i'll just remind you to explain that her brother is very little and can get hurt easily so we all must be extre careful and protect him. She might like the thought of being a little mum to him and this may mean she'll start to behave too.

Good Luck smile

no advice from me as i am too busy pulling my hair out because my almost 4 yr old son always which buttons to press!he has had me in tears several times and then i get mad and say are you happy now you made mummy cry? that stops him in his tracks for a minute or 2. but on the bright side i know from having the same exprience with his older brother that it is a phase & hopefully the loving little boy will be back soon! sorry i dont have much info/advice but we have all been there! chin up and remember that this too will pass smile

It's so hard when the little one is so young but getting out of the house is how we get through. My (too smart for my good!) daughter is 2.5 and drives me insane and I can only imagine this is going to get worse as she heads towards 3. She thinks it is funny to be bad... I am taking her to two playgroups and attend ABA meetings where she can be with other kids and I can be with other parents who are going through, or have survived, the same thing. Visiting friends or family or going to the shops are also options. She loves the attention from us but also needs new things to keep her entertained.
She did all the horrible things like eye poking when my DS was born in Jan. I started taking her to occasional care in Feb and she was fine for a term but then started crying non stop and I had to take her out of it. I told her we would stick together as a family cos we love eachother but lately I have been threatening I would sell her to the Gypsies. I will try the occ care again next year. My husband is a great support and takes her for short car trips to the post office or bike rides or walks just to give me some space to breathe. We do 'time out' when she is really bad and during the day threaten to put her to bed or outside by herself or some other thing she won't want to do. We also tell her she won't get her milk or tell her she will get something good (walk to the park, drive in the car) only if she co operates.
I would totally separate her from the baby when she behaves badly around him (in her room or even outside) until she realises you are not going to put up with this.
My DD is MUCH better if she is not tired or hungry.
We try to laugh about things, treat ourselves to things that make us happy and remember that she really is an amazing little person.
Good luck.

I do time out for my 3yr old daughter too who often behaves exactly the same.

One thing that has really helped the last month or so is a star chart. It has 'Emily obeys mummy and Daddy' written up the top and the numbers 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. At the end of the day, if she has obeyed us all day she gets to put a star on. When she has 5 stars, she gets to choose something really special to do with us. So far, she has chosen things like going to the aqaurium, playing at the beach, going to the zoo, or a ball place. These are things we might do anyway on days off but she feels in control and loves it!

You have to be gracious too - If Emily grabs off her brother or says no to me etc she can say sorry really quickly and then I won't count that (i.e. she could still get a star). If she's genuine (and you'll know!) it helps them know the task isn't impossible.

My daughter is jealous too, but I've found this is a way of promising good attention and fun to reward good behaviour.

Good luck!

My 3.5 yr old is doing it too. we were using a good/bad choice reward system with Green and Blue blocks. Now we are using stickers and if he gets 5 in one day he gets to pick a treat or have extra stories at night. he seems to respond when he knows something is in it for him, also dh and i are on the same ground for the discipline.

I usually get " I want a drink" everytime the younger son (now 1yr) needs my attention so i started filling up a drink bottle and told him to drink whenever he needed it...works occasionally...when he is truly thirsty! My mum just keeps feeding them if they say they are hungry!!

Ps the younger ones do learn to hit back...mine pulls his older brothers hair if he is being squashed or now screams in frustration if the older one takes something off him!