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Mums in my situation plz help... Lock Rss

My situation:
DD was 13 months old when her dad walked out the door, mutual decision between us both as he was busted cheating on me 2 wks before DD was born! Anyway.. For the first 6-8 months it was "VERY INCONVENIENT" for him to have any contact with her & he basically fought with me not to have her on days when I thought he would want her, anyway something snapped in him one day & he decided been a dad really suited him all of a sudden, so he's taken on this "perfect" father role ever since.
DD visits him every friday night without fail & every 2nd saturday night, so 1 weekend he has her Fri 5pm-Sat 5pm then every 2nd weekend is Fri 5pm-Sun 5pm, this is all arranged out of court & a mutual verbal agreement between us both. We promised each other that we would never go through the legal system as it would only cause alot of heartache for DD, her father himself has been through the legal system with his parents & knows how awful it can be on the kids.
Anyway.. He has recently asked to have DD for a week & a half @ xmas time so him & his family can travel to Cairns (we live in rockhampton) so a fair travel, he has 2 weeks off from his work so I have agreed (as much as i didn't want to) to him having DD for a week, meanwhile i'm gonna worry myself silly bout them driving up & back =( But I'm not selfish & understand that them spending time together is a good thing because it's what I always hoped for my DD due to the fact that my biological father walked out when I was 13 months old BUT he never turned back, i went looking for him when i turned 20..
Sidetracked again! lol
So I have agreed to 1 week only, which I think is fair because it's half of his holidays from work, but he has other ideas & thinks it's not very fair @ all and that he should get the week & a half like he asked, honestly am I really been that selfish? I'm only thinking of DD in this instance & she is upset and wanting me after the 2 day weekends with her dad let alone a whole week in a different town & surroundings where nothing will be familiar except the faces around her =(
He says "we'll see what happens" and is sulking because I won't give into him & let him pull it over me & have extra time.. I've been told I give him more then most women in my situation would, but I'm just happy he wants to be involved in DD life unlike my bio father..
Plz can anyone help out with some advice on this one? I'm really on edge & feeling uneasy about the whole thing.
I am also possibly moving town in over a month & haven't even gone as far as whispered the idea to DD's dad yet, he is going to flip! =(
I wish I wasn't always so worried about his feelings, I'm wanting to do what is right for myself & my DD but he is selfish & thinks of himself..
Please help...
Hi Monique,

Well. I haven't been in your situation, but if my daughter's father ever decides he wants to be a real dad and look after her more I still would not let him have her for more than a week.

I think a week is being more than fair. I used to live in Rocky and know how far it is to Cairns and back. But the other thing you have to think of is how long are they taking to get there and back if they're driving. If they're taking 2 days each way (sensible with young children) maybe it would be nicer to give him the week and a half. That would still be most of the time driving. If you're only giving them a week and they're taking two days each way they're going to get there turn around and go home again. Maybe you need to talk to him and get a full day to day schedual of what they're doing. You could make him put down 3 times a day phone calls to you. one in the morn, lunch and night.

Also maybe you can discuss what would happen if she does get too distressed and want you. Maybe you need to put some money aside to fly up there and back if you need to get her. Make him pay for some of it too.

Also before they go away, maybe she needs to spend some more nights throughout the week there. Maybe he takes like a Monday off work and he could have her from Friday afternoon till Monday afternoon or something.

I don't know if any of this helps you. Good luck.

Hi mumof05 I think that you are very understanding women and if my partner did that to me I wouldnt be to nice to him and I think that your ex should be greatful that you are letting him have your daughter for one week and he should understand that your daughter is going to be upset if he has her for week abit.

I think you should do what is right for you and your daughter and if he doesnt like it will that is just bad luck for him and it sounds to me that you have done everything that he wants and keep him happy and maybe you should be thinking what you and your beautiful daughter needs and I think you are amazing women and a wonderful mum who loves her daughter to bits and keep the excellent work going.

Tracey,Jaye (girl)12/06/05, Sam (boy)10/07/09

Hi, I can completely understand where u r coming from. My husband walked out on me I was pregnant with our 3rd child and instantly moved in with someone else.

I was in oz but moved back to be with my family in NZ as I had no one over there. I have regular struggles with him have the kids but he has only seen then twice since we moved here last december once when I took them over there and once when he came here. At the moment he has paid 4 only the oldest to go and spend the school holidays with him saying he didn't have the money 4 2 tickets. Over this xmaz he is having them 4 5 weeks (only the 2 oldest who r 6 and 11) my youngest who is 14 months doesn't even know his dad but I have met someone else now and he calls him dad.

I think that u have 2 do what feels right 4 u I have a struggle with letting him have them after the way he walked out on us but he is still their dad and I also worry about the kids growing up and resenting me if I stopped them from seeing him. I can't tell u how 2 feel but I completely understand where u r coming from.

I would say let him have her 4 the week u will miss her terribly and worry the whole time I know I did when he had them 4 a week in July but they came back to me so happy 2 see me and wouldn't leave me alone. Your little one will always love u no matter what.

Hope this helps u.

Karen, 2 girls, 1 boy and 1 due edd 23.10.07

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