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Divorce Question Lock Rss


I know what you are saying. smile

I just don't know if thats the answer though.... I mean who can say whether someone has a good enough reason to get divorced. Why is it a problem that someone gets married 3 times? Does it mean that its not fair that she has 3 weddings or that she doesn't have the same respect for marriage that someone who only gets married once has? Are people that only get married once and work through the ups and downs missing out on something?
Once you strip marriage of the emotion surrounding it, its a contract. I think it would be detrimental to those who really need a divorce to make it harder to get. Just for the sake of stopping those who maybe don't think of it in the same way as most.


totally agree and very good questions i try to answer some in my opinion

i dont think its a problem every one makes mistakes, and isnt that saying its better to love and lost than never to loved at all and sorry for answering it with another question but who is to say there is only one person for everyone, or that you can only love one person ? i mean at the moment i do but it is a possibility. which then goes to your last question that are people who marry one missing out on something, guess ill never know smile

maybe raising the legal age to get married might be an option instead?


as i was enaged young and would of preferd to bemarried earlier than what we did i am a bit biased to the situation and disagree with this solution but hypothetically what age would you suggest?
in january 2012 we will be celebrating 25 years of marriage.Things have not always been 'easy' but never got to the point of divorce discussions.I for one took for better and for worse seriously and in sickness and in health has certainly been in play here too. Like anything marriage does need 'work' to be successful

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14

Ok ill add something from personal experiance.

I WAS one of those young idiots who got married and after 2 yrs we split. Actually i left him and he didnt take it well. BUT i was more in love with the idea of marriage than the commitment itself i think. I was so excited to be telling people i was getting married to this older guy (who i worshipped at the time) that i was blinded by the fact we had a sh!t relationship and it wasnt worth anything, let alone marraige! I was 20 and he was 31. He had no job, was an alcoholic and just a no hoper. But i didnt realise any of that and just thought i was so lucky to be getting married. At the time i DID think we would be together forever so i have no problems about commitment but like i said i jsut didnt realise i had picked a d!ckhead. Not long after we were married he went to visit his parents in UK and was gone for a few months. I didnt cheat, i stayed devoted but it made me realise (by not having him there) how much i was holding myself back by being with him. So when he got back, we stayed together for awhile. It got rocky as i became distant. He still didnt have a job and was drinking our (see: MY) money away and becoming agressive etc (he has manic depression aswell). And when i met my now DP, he made me realise how GOOD a man i deserve. Not the sh!theap i was with at the time. So i left him. Ex didnt take it well and moved back to UK to live with his parents.

ANYWAY i didnt think about 'divorce being easy' as it wasnt and that never occured to me. I think most young people dont value marriage as it should be. A life long commitment. Therefore you shouldnt enter into it lightly. I was stupid and chose an idiot and had idiotic expectations in my head.

It has made me appreciate marriage alot more. Im in no rush to get married anytime soon. DP and i have discussed this (he has been married too) and we are more than happy to wait. So ive learnt alot from it.

Just my experience...
Im getting married this year, I'm 19 and DF turned 21 this month smile

I don't think getting a divorce should be made harder. I don't think raising the legal age to get married is the answer either. Everyone's views and situations vary too much.

A woman coming out of a abusive relationship may want to put the past behind her - but if divorce is made harder it'll make their lives that much more difficult. If letting 100 couples get an easy divorce means that the abused woman's life could be a bit easier than why not? IYKWIM

Free counselling is available in NZ. If they want it they can use it but if they don't want it so be it.

I've been with DP for 6 and a half years. We've been through an unexpected pregnancy, miscarriage, counselling and even fertility problems all before I turn 20. It'll be a bit silly if we couldn't get married. Age doesn't always reflect someone's ability to make responsible decisions. It doesn't reflect their emotions and maturity so I don't think it should reflect whether or not they can marry.

Just my opinion. I thought I'd put it out there laugh
A little off track but it annoys me how people make marriage sound so much more then just a relationship. example, dp and i have been together 9 years have 2 kids mortgage etc, yet people look down there nose a bit at you when you say your not married, dp wanted to transfer one of the cars into my name but because we arn't married it couldn't be transfered straight over to me would have to have roadworthy done etc, isn't 9 years 2 kids etc enough? Someone who met someone and got married all within 3 months could do that just because they married. and get more respect i've been asked a few times lately are you married? no, oh are both the kids his? WTF? if i said i was married would they immediatly assume they were both his kids. We didn't get married before we had kids because we had other financial goals that took priority to us, we do plan to marry one day i want to be his wife but i don't see why i shouldn't get the same treatment as those who have married, in my eyes i made the commitment to him and him to me when we had kids, purchased a house and built a life together, we've had all the ups and downs too. i don't know if i make sense but i know what i mean LOL

I think alot of the time ppl forcus more on the wedding then the marriage!! there is so much competition over who spent more, who had the better location, the most bridemaids rather then making sure you are giving your partner 'good' attention, helping them when they ask, and showing you care.

DF and I are finally getting married after 4 and a half years together (may not seem like long) but we've already had a rough 4 years with a surprise pregnancy and 2 MAJOR moves to different cities....and we've really pulled through.

I get annoyed when ppl leture me on my wedding day, saying 'oh you don't want to go to basic' or 'oh gee you haven't picked your dress out yet?' and i just feel sometime ppl focus on the wrong thing....the wedding day will be lovely of course but i'm more excited about being DF's wife then then Bride!


I totally agree with you that oftern the emphasis is on the wedding not the marriage. I came across this during the lead up to our wedding.

I was happy to to have a small gathering but my DH wanted a wedding with all the trimmings. We both agreed that we had no money, so we -and when I say WE I mean I- worked hard, called lots of people and spent alot of time on the internet, buying bargains.

We spent 4 thousand and DH parents spent 1 thousand, and my parents spent $800 ish. We had a really cool day with 100 guests, we had a buffet dinner that I catered for and a DJ. Everyone pitched in, doing dishes, clearing etc and the guests have been raving about it since!!!

For me it the day wasnt important, my dress was beautiful but it wasnt important, it was the commitment that was being made and the example that we were setting for our children that was important to me. I saw it as bringing our family together -I have 1 child from a previous relationship, as well as our 2 so on that day we all became one together.

Marriage is also important to my DH because of his religious beliefs.

I am so glad we did it the way we did, I didnt realise until I got married how special and empowering the whole process is, there is nothing quite like two people inlove saying YOU ARE THE ONE!!!

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My blog, take a peek into my world


as i was enaged young and would of preferd to bemarried earlier than what we did i am a bit biased to the situation and disagree with this solution but hypothetically what age would you suggest?


I haven't really thought about it...lol

What is it now? 18, 21.....hmmmmmm Well in the context of this topic,if it is to prevent people getting married too quickly, how about 25.

Realistically though.....I think its kind of a non issue. People make mistakes, I think very few believe divorce is an easy out. Its none of my business whether people don't try hard enough to save their relationship and who am I to say they should? They might be perfectly happy with the types of relationships they have......smile

A little off track but it annoys me how people make marriage sound so much more then just a relationship. example, dp and i have been together 9 years have 2 kids mortgage etc, yet people look down there nose a bit at you when you say your not married, dp wanted to transfer one of the cars into my name but because we arn't married it couldn't be transfered straight over to me would have to have roadworthy done etc, isn't 9 years 2 kids etc enough? Someone who met someone and got married all within 3 months could do that just because they married. and get more respect i've been asked a few times lately are you married? no, oh are both the kids his? WTF? if i said i was married would they immediatly assume they were both his kids. We didn't get married before we had kids because we had other financial goals that took priority to us, we do plan to marry one day i want to be his wife but i don't see why i shouldn't get the same treatment as those who have married, in my eyes i made the commitment to him and him to me when we had kids, purchased a house and built a life together, we've had all the ups and downs too. i don't know if i make sense but i know what i mean LOL


Exactly. You can have exactly the same type of relationship and it also needs the same work. Whether you have announced it in front of guests or have a legally binding piece of paper is irrelevant.
I got married at 18 viewing it as a life-long commitment, in the religion that I was in I wasn't allowed to get divorced unless he cheated. The bloke I married was a pathalogical liar and did well to put on a front for everbody, everybody thought he was a great guy me included. Anyway after the first year of marriage I had to take over the finances on account of all my saving dissapeared and no bills/rent were getting paid, after that he started to get verbally abusive and by the 3rd year of my marriage it was getting pysical.

Leaving and getting a divorce was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I had to leave my family religion and my closest family and friends shunned me. I had to start my life from scratch with only the support of my work collegues and my dad who lived 2000km away as my mum wouldn't talk to me.

Everybody situation is different and I don't think that by making a divorce harder to get is going to achieve anything. I don't think when anybody gets married they're not thinking about how difficult it will be to get a divorce 2 years down the track.

I got married at 18 viewing it as a life-long commitment, in the religion that I was in I wasn't allowed to get divorced unless he cheated. The bloke I married was a pathalogical liar and did well to put on a front for everbody, everybody thought he was a great guy me included. Anyway after the first year of marriage I had to take over the finances on account of all my saving dissapeared and no bills/rent were getting paid, after that he started to get verbally abusive and by the 3rd year of my marriage it was getting pysical.

Leaving and getting a divorce was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I had to leave my family religion and my closest family and friends shunned me. I had to start my life from scratch with only the support of my work collegues and my dad who lived 2000km away as my mum wouldn't talk to me.

Everybody situation is different and I don't think that by making a divorce harder to get is going to achieve anything. I don't think when anybody gets married they're not thinking about how difficult it will be to get a divorce 2 years down the track.



Spaceybrains, that must have been a very hard thing to go through and to me it sounds like you are one very strong and very brave woman.

after reading through some of these posts i would have to paqrtially change my earlier thoughts of 'yes divorce is too easy' to one of something a little different. in circumstances like yours and others of similar then i don't think that divorce should be made any harder than what it already is, if you are dealing with violence, abuse (substance, gamboling etc), adultery then you don't really need to deal with extra hard laws making it difficult to extract yourself from the situation.
but! and there is a but!! i think that if you are not in this situation and that you wake up one day and think, 'oh he's/she's not for me' then i think you need to reconcider divorce and try super hard to fix things, change things and work things out before you head down the divorce road. i have seen a study (and for those that like links, sorry i have no idea where i saw it now) that says that up to 80% of people that get divorced regret it 5 years later.
maybe people's expectations of marriage are changing? i certainly went into marriage knowing that it was something that would at times need work and at one point about 2 years ago i did consider leaving my husband because at the time it was 'all too hard' but i didn't and i'm glad i didn't i'm glad we worked though things and have come out stronger on the other side. i've also (about 8 years ago) been engaged and got un-engaged because he cheated on me and though i tried i just couldn't move past it. and i'm sure it wasn't as hard as getting a divorce but it was still a pretty horrible time.

so i think that perhaps there are 2 different reasons for getting a divorce
1) where there has been voilence/abuse etc and one party really needs to leave. in that case it shouldn't be made harder to leave and
2) when peoples expectations of each other or marriage don't live up to what is in their heads. or they forget that marriage has ups and downs. in this situation i think that other avenues need to be looked into and tried before heading down the divorce road.

BUT this is my opinion only, you can take it or leave it as you see fit.

I got married at 18 viewing it as a life-long commitment, in the religion that I was in I wasn't allowed to get divorced unless he cheated. The bloke I married was a pathalogical liar and did well to put on a front for everbody, everybody thought he was a great guy me included. Anyway after the first year of marriage I had to take over the finances on account of all my saving dissapeared and no bills/rent were getting paid, after that he started to get verbally abusive and by the 3rd year of my marriage it was getting pysical.

Leaving and getting a divorce was one of the hardest things I have ever had to do. I had to leave my family religion and my closest family and friends shunned me. I had to start my life from scratch with only the support of my work collegues and my dad who lived 2000km away as my mum wouldn't talk to me.

Everybody situation is different and I don't think that by making a divorce harder to get is going to achieve anything. I don't think when anybody gets married they're not thinking about how difficult it will be to get a divorce 2 years down the track.

Did you have anyone in your church that you could go to like a priest or elders that could help you?
Most churches I know of have people in higher positions that are there to help you BOTH. The situation you were in wouldve been very hard. Especially when everyone around you thought that he was 'mr perfect'. It wouldve been hard not having the support at least of your mum. Were you able to explain to her what was going on?
I feel for you so much. You are a very strong and brave women.
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