Huggies Forum

DP RANT/VENT :( *sigh* Lock Rss

On Monday DP was playing the computer and as i was walking out the door i grabbed the Electricity bill off the microwave as i was walking out teh door to go do teh grocerie shop and thought i may aswell pay this whilst im down there,kill two birds with oen stone kinda thing, I said to DP "do you want me to pay all of it?" ($200) and him being half tuned in to his stupid computer game says "yup yup" & nods....but obviosuly didnt even hear what i said! so off i went to post office and coles,paid the entire $200 & did the groceries.

anyhow wednessday comes and a fortnights worth of rent comes out of the account leaving it in arrears as there wasnt enough in there and DP yells at me saying i never even spoke to him about going and paying the bill rah rah and i should know not to ask him important stuff when he is in the middle of a game!!!! I should have checked the account before paying it and ifthere wanst enough to cover the bill,groceries & rent either only paid half or i shoudl have transfered money from the savings first before paying it and i shoudl have done this and that he ranted on then got in car with sh!ts and took off and came hoem and hour later and said "goodluck touching the atm card now" and told me he had been to the bank and changed the password to both the atm pin nunber & our internet password!

So now i feel like a little kid having to ask my dad for money!

I said to him this morning thinking he would be over his little hissy, I'm going to take DD with a gf to arena (pools) I need money..."well i dont have anything on me you will have to drive me to the ATM to get money out then drive me home" angry I was like ummm pardon...your seriously being pathetic now are you joking or... and he replied "nope im not joking"

WTF have i done to be rationed out money...i paid a friggen electricity bill which needed to be paid...WTF? so i cancelled with my GF today and now we are staying home. sad

Ive doen nothing to be treated like a little kid and not an equal...if i went out and spent $200 on clothes for myself (which i never do,cant even remember the last time i spent $20 on myself let alone $200) and coudlnt be trusted with money & just blew it then i would understand him doing what he has done but ive doen nothing to diserve this...he reckosn i should have comuicated with him better, i feel liek a little child being punished and sent to teh naughty corner i swear if he hasnt snapped out of it by the time he gets home and tells me what the new pin is then he can *!
I don't deserve this by what you have told us. Is it a joint a/c? Do you have a seperate a/c where your family payments go into?

If it is a joint a/c and your DP doesn't snap out of it I would be going to the bank myself to regain access to the funds and if it is just his and your family payments go into it also I would be changing that and in your words telling him to *!!!

You're the mother of his kids not one of his kids.

Good luck with it all.
that is very undermining. i would tell him just coz your not earning it dosnt mean ur not earning your keep eg cooking shopping cleaning kids ect and it should be "ours"not "yours" and he cant treat u like a child . i would b p*ssed too
That's not good at all, what if you need money in an emergency like having to replace a blown tyre, a car service call out or having to take the kids to the Dr on short notice? He obviously hasn't thought this through and I think he is being pathetic.

DH and I have joint accounts and each have our own card and pin. Only thing is that DH can't access teh bill account with his card so he can't spend money he shouldn't.

I would be sitting down and having a serious chat with him, try to remain calm and explain to him that communication is a two way street and you are not a child and do not deserved to be punished for what was a simple misunderstanding.
I'm sorry...did he say that YOU need to communicate better? Doesn't he realise that there are 2 parts to communication - the talking, AND the listening??
I really don't think he is treating you fairly, you were doing the right thing in paying a bill, and I think it is totally childish of him to change the PIN and keep it from you!!
Ohhhhhhh I would have slapped him!! Over and over - how dare he sit there and take no responsibility for what happens with finances? You can't not listen to someone and then crack it at them!!

But more realistically, I would unplug all his games consoles, put them in a safe box (preferably with a key which YOU keep idden) and tell him, in no uncertain terms, that until he can communicate with you in adult manner, he is going to have all his entertainment rationed.

If his stupid logic is that you can't be trusted with money over something like this, you need to show him that saying "uh hu, yep yep" is exactly the same and he will get the same treatment!! If he can go a whole day paying attention to what is said to him, and replying in a thought out and considerate manner, he can have half an hour playing his game.

I know that probably isn't a realistic answer, but maybe you should try and explain it to him that way. He thinks you should have gone to that extent to check the account, etc, then you think he should start having to go to a lot of trouble paying attention to what is said.

Good luck, and I hope he pulls his head in!
LOL that isn't a bad idea, pack up his games and hide them (linen cupboard under sheets works best here!) he doesn't deserve them because he can't communicate properly...
I have my own account that family payments go into,then he has his everyday account which his pay goes into,then we have a joint savings account & off that account we have a fixed term deposit that needs both signitures to open & we cant open it before 6month term anyhow or it will cost a fee.

in the 4yrs we have been together this has always worked fine, the money i get in family i do the groceries with & nappys or formula and any little bits and bobs the kids may need like shoes or whateva but i always take the atm card to his account and pay bills or put petrol in car ect & there has never been an issue,he is just peeved i have overdrawn the account and he has received a fee. the rent gets direct debit fortnighly, ually every friday when his pay goes in, i jump online banking and transfer money into savings and leave enough for rent,car insurance and money for the week.he rarely looks at the accounts as i just do it all...
PMSL onewingedangel....very nicely said.

Wouldn't it be great to be a fly on the wall if that where to happen...haha!

I like your way of thinking.
Oh i have been there before. Who do they think they are? My DP will tell me that i cant even do the groceries cause i cant shop properly. That works for me i said. Of you go. ha. Same when he complains about things being not clean enough, well clean it yourself then. I feel for you. Talk to him and if that does not work then teach him a lesson of your own. Good luck.

PMSL onewingedangel....very nicely said.

Wouldn't it be great to be a fly on the wall if that where to happen...haha!

I like your way of thinking.

lol I know how to hit men where it hurts grin They like to think they're grown ups, but take away their toys and they cry and scream just like any child......

That just made me so freaking angry. If he is so good withe the finances then he can pay all the bills and do the food shopping and do the cooking! Just who does he think he is? Too busy playing his game to pay attention to his wife? WTF!

If you have a joint account then he can't do anything with your card and can not change any details with the account without your permission. it is illegal. I can't order DH a new card as it is his, but I can't delete his name off the account either and he can't do that to me either!

Him doing this is a form of abuse.... is he aware of this? You could call the cops and have him charged with domestic abuse! Just who does he think he is? Can you tell this has touched a nerve here?

People make mistakes. I made a good one just before Christmas and DH was upset, but knew that it was an accident. He would never try to pull off that crap on me. He should have listened to what you said... it's a game and I am sure he can pause it and give you 30 seconds of his time.

Now I've just ranted in your post.... sorry. I wouldn't be happy with this treatment either and I think I clearly demonstrated how I would react! He should be gratefully I'm not you! I'd have torn him a new one! lol!

Good Luck and stick to your guns.
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