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Addiction - what type of family Lock Rss

In my experience in councilling kids and adults with addictions such as anorexia and drugs, as well as being a recovering anorexic myself, i know and have seen first hand that not all people with addictions come from undesirable families or families that just don't communicate well or at all. Quite often, when i ask these particular people what are their family members doing in order to have pushed them toward addiction in the first place, they often reply with 'i dont know' and 'nothing'. It more that the actual person just feels like they dont fit in this world. They dont understand it and feel as if they have no control over their world. They have parents who sit in counciling too, patient and understanding, asking what they can do to help, for the addict to tell them what they want them to do - but most of the time, they cannot answer. Because they themselves actually have no idea! Its more often than not being able to read a lie and respond with kindness and with me and my anorexic people, when they start the lie, and i finish it for them, they look at me with surprise, asking how i know what they are going to say.

There by taking drugs or controlling their eating and/or exercise they feel there is a small bit of the control they are looking for.

Windmil - yes about half of the people ive seen DO come from drug-related situation or other bad situations like violence and/or rape and therefore are looking for an out, but this is not always the case.
I totally agree with you. My DH has had a really bad addiction to some nasty drugs. In all honesty it had nothing to do with his family (they are very anti drugs etc), his main reasons for taking them was all his friends were. It was the 'cool thing' to do and thought it was great to pool there wages, take out rent/power and buy as much drugs and alcohol as they could with the rest. My Dh never ate, they never had the money. But they were never without the 'essentials' (they believed there drugs were) So its not just the children with bad upbringings that have issues with addictions.

I think most people when they first start taking drugs hear about the amazing 'hit' that there meant to deliever and think that the addiction wont happen to them, or there strong, they will be able to beat it.

In my experience in councilling kids and adults with addictions such as anorexia and drugs, as well as being a recovering anorexic myself, i know and have seen first hand that not all people with addictions come from undesirable families or families that just don't communicate well or at all.

By taking drugs or controlling their eating and/or exercise they feel there is a small bit of the control they are looking for.

Windmil - yes about half of the people ive seen DO come from drug-related situation or other bad situations like violence and/or rape and therefore are looking for an out, but this is not always the case.


Haha! Perhaps you misunderstood me.

I do not think that families themselves necessarily CAUSE addictions outright. However I think that it can even be something that the family DID NOT do ie they failed to provide something to their child which would have made them more resilient to addiction

For example an anorexic person feels out of control (I have also suffered with anorexia) -- but why do they not feel empowered enough to be making wider goals for themselves, and why is it that they feel out of control?

A drug addict may have been experimenting and life began to get hard, drugs was easier that dealing with school, responsibilities etc -- but what made them stop fighting to achieve at school? What made them resent their responsibilities? We all have responsibilities, but we can generally choose what we undertake as a responsibility.

SO, with the number of parenting resources available today (particularly for the parents of GenY with all the cyber bullying and social networking), if a parent did not know there was something they should have done, then it is their fault as the info was out there for the taking.

A lot of parents are shocked when their child has problems -- i am not saying that is a bad family. But I am saying that something didn't happen when it should have, leaving the person feeling powerless, lacking resilience or optimism or something else along those lines.

My DH has had a really bad addiction to some nasty drugs. In all honesty it had nothing to do with his family (they are very anti drugs etc), his main reasons for taking them was all his friends were. It was the 'cool thing' to do and thought it was great to pool there wages, take out rent/power and buy as much drugs and alcohol as they could with the rest.


The way I see this is

-- his family did not adequately prepare him to deal with the real world of drugs and peer pressure.

Those who are not addicts, also were presented with the 'fact' that drugs are "cool" -- but those who are not addicts chose not to partake. So, there was a fundamental difference then between them and your DH. He chose to be "cool", and it led to addiction.

For non-addicts, they usually have things they enjoy a lot, so much so that this is what they do as a hobby. For addicts, drugs are their hobby as there is nothing else in their life that gives them the same enjoyment.

I am just saying that there are differences between addicts and non-addicts. It is not just the luck of the draw whether you become an addict or not.

Haha! Perhaps you misunderstood me.

I do not think that families themselves necessarily CAUSE addictions outright. However I think that it can even be something that the family DID NOT do ie they failed to provide something to their child which would have made them more resilient to addiction

For example an anorexic person feels out of control (I have also suffered with anorexia) -- but why do they not feel empowered enough to be making wider goals for themselves, and why is it that they feel out of control?

A drug addict may have been experimenting and life began to get hard, drugs was easier that dealing with school, responsibilities etc -- but what made them stop fighting to achieve at school? What made them resent their responsibilities? We all have responsibilities, but we can generally choose what we undertake as a responsibility.

SO, with the number of parenting resources available today (particularly for the parents of GenY with all the cyber bullying and social networking), if a parent did not know there was something they should have done, then it is their fault as the info was out there for the taking.

A lot of parents are shocked when their child has problems -- i am not saying that is a bad family. But I am saying that something didn't happen when it should have, leaving the person feeling powerless, lacking resilience or optimism or something else along those lines.


Ha probably mate smile

All of what you say is very valid and true. But most of these parent do all they can do without the power of mind-reading. I had this girl come to me, she was super talented at school, a hockey player (excellent at that), was the school captain (or head girl), her parents where always around, supportive and the family was happy. Everyone (even the school principle) was so shocked to learn that she was a cocaine addict. A very high functioning addict but an addict all the same.

Everyone can say there is SOMETHING that the parents may or may not have done, but in the end, its personal choice and this particular girl chose to become an addict, knowing full well what she was doing. She actually started taking coke because she needed to stay awake to study! And this was self-pressure, not pressure from her parents.

The way I see this is

-- his family did not adequately prepare him to deal with the real world of drugs and peer pressure.

Those who are not addicts, also were presented with the 'fact' that drugs are "cool" -- but those who are not addicts chose not to partake. So, there was a fundamental difference then between them and your DH. He chose to be "cool", and it led to addiction.

For non-addicts, they usually have things they enjoy a lot, so much so that this is what they do as a hobby. For addicts, drugs are their hobby as there is nothing else in their life that gives them the same enjoyment.

I am just saying that there are differences between addicts and non-addicts. It is not just the luck of the draw whether you become an addict or not.



In some ways i agree with you, but specifically drug addicitons, there is the decision in the first place to take it. No one forces herroin in your veins, or e's down your throat or weed in your bong, it is a CHOICE that leads to an addiction. Taking somehting once wont give you an addiction, you take it once and it helps you feel better or makes you feel good so you do it again...that is what leads to the addiction.
my dads an addict. (in recovery)

he came from a great family. they had money. he had a good education. he had a great job.
his brothers and sisters all have wonderful lives with families and good jobs.

he is the only addict in his family. and he hasnt had a particularly different life than any of them.

so i dont know where is comes from. but i wouldnt say it was his family smile
so true..my dad is an addict he has been on the methadone for years now,takes it everyday,cant function without it,also smokes pot every day..he is a junkie always has been always will be....my mum left him when i was 4...his parents are loving very open and communicating family,their 5 other children are all hardworking,independent people.they had the same childhood.nothing happened to my dad to make him like this he knows what he is doing,he regrets it but he loves it...he has had plenty of opportuniteis to change but he never will..some people just go that way and its no one elses fault but his.
Meh. Nature, Nurture.

Good luck reaching a conclusion on this one. When you do, be sure to inform the Dept. of Health!! laugh tongue

Ha probably mate smile

All of what you say is very valid and true. But most of these parent do all they can do without the power of mind-reading. I had this girl come to me, she was super talented at school, a hockey player (excellent at that), was the school captain (or head girl), her parents where always around, supportive and the family was happy. Everyone (even the school principle) was so shocked to learn that she was a cocaine addict. A very high functioning addict but an addict all the same.

Everyone can say there is SOMETHING that the parents may or may not have done, but in the end, its personal choice and this particular girl chose to become an addict, knowing full well what she was doing. She actually started taking coke because she needed to stay awake to study! And this was self-pressure, not pressure from her parents.


It is probably just me being a perfectionist. To be honest, I expect a lot of people because I expect a lot from myself.

To me, all parents should be looking at the research and recommendations in order to help their kids in every way possible. If they choose not to, I still think it is their fault indirectly. Like breaking the law, ignorance is no excuse.

But I know a lot of parents who didn't research would not see that they have done anything wrong. AND I see what you are saying, but like I said that is my standard. If it gets to the point where mind reading is necessary, then something in the past went wrong... in my mind it can be prevented but after a certain point you can not go back.

I am interested in the issue but don't really see how it can go much further... and to be honest it is giving me a headache! I have an exam tomorrow, off to study Normative Ethics : )

By the way, I do agree with you but I think we are saying different things and that the 2 points actually can coexist... but like I said, headache, can't explain anymore...
I come from a non-smoking, non-drinking, supportive household.

I agree. Addictions definitely aren't always related to upbringing. Personality type has much more to do with it in my opinion
Nobody is perfect, seriously. Expecting a parent to do the 'right' thing 100% all the time is completely unrealistic. I think peer pressure (or just having friends that are involved) have a MUCH bigger impact on addictions than your upbringing.

Sometimes the reason for the initial start of the addiction they have MAY be related to a family issue, say a major blow out with your parents, but in the end your ability to become addicted to a substance has nothing to do with how you were brought up. It has to do with chemical reactions that happen in your brain and organs in reaction to the substance or event. It's that simple.
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