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I don't want to be a mum or wife anymore.

I have given myself to it and there is nothing left. Im burnt out.

What am i? If someone saw my life what would they see?
Cooking,cleaning, mothering. That's it. Nothing for myself. I don't even get to listen tp music anymore because the kids and husband don't like it. My hobbies? No, no time, no money. Sport? Im the tired from Ds not sleeping that i can barely keep my eyes open. Leave the kids with someone? My husband and conscience wouldn't let me leave Ds and only dd for an hour or two.

I don't remember the last time i relaxed. Haven't had my hair done or a massage since before Ds was born.

I have to fight tooth and nail with my husband to be allowed to watch a tv program i like.

I just want to be me and not think about anyone else for a day. One day where Im not entertaining someone else's every whim.
I want a divorce.

(Noddy's not fat ffs!)

Hugs, can totally relate. It's hard being a mum, and with all 3 of my kids when I got to about your DS age I had a massive ahhh I hate my life melt down. My youngest is now almost 3 (where did that time go??!!) and I've just started doing something for myself. Well lots if things. It feels great, but it took over 2 years. I hope you can talk with you DH and work out to have some me time once a week maybe start a cheap hobby or even a part time job 1 or 2 nights a week?? It doesn't need to be now, but make a plan and a goal that say by the time your DS is 1 that you will be attending a great mothers group so you can have some sanity time. Or you do night fill at Coles? (I know a few ladies that do this and spend the evening like its a social event! Lol)
Anyway, big hugs, I truly hope you get some sleep and a massage real soon X
Dh just came in and talk to me.
Result? None. He still doesn't get it and never will. He doesn't understand the meaning of support. He thinks stacking the dish washer is support.

His key points?
Bf is stupid
He can't feed Ds thus can't comfort him
I need to sort myself out.
I can go out some where tomorrow on my own.

Wow so much help and understanding.

Thanks guys. I know all mums give everything to their children. That's what we're here for right? And i know i wouldn't have it any other way.

I guess i just feel like my kids and husband have far too much control over what i do. I want some control back. Starting tomorrow Im having the car radio up loud enough to listen to. When dd was born it became a rule the radio wasn't to be over 10 so we could hear her and it wasn't too loud for her. Of course Im still going to be able to hear her if she's upset. And i will still communicate with her.

The problem with my husband is if i do put something i like on he sulks and makes comments until i crack it and give in to him. He does it with everything. Even what Im cooking for tea.
Im just sick of feeling like instead of a partner I've got a third kid or master.

Sorry to be a downer .


(Noddy's not fat ffs!)

Sounds like a Mummy life I am afraid. And as for your DH, they never really get it!! I think you just have to accept that to a point but he still needs to give you some down time.

Your DS is 6 months now and BFing does not mean you cannot leave your baby with your DH. In fact it will be good for them both! Why would you feel bad about leaving the children with their daddy???

Get out and do some window shopping or get a haircut. Perhaps you are putting too much pressure on yourself. Do you get out and have coffee with friends??? Your children do have control over you and will do for a while yet but your DH can certainly pull his socks up and help. So what if he sulks over the TV...... let him!

Tbh I think you need to harden up a bit and not let your DH rule the roost. You also need to be enjoying the children, not feeling like they are tying you down.
Is there a way to start some hobbies that are for you within your current schedule?

Learn to knit? Learn to sew?
Would DH support you to do a course? or a class?

Or you could buy a DIY kit and have a go?

I don't think dads get it sometimes that you don't necessarily want to 'get out of the house' but you just want to switch off from the 'always attentive to other people's needs' mode.

Sometimes you just need a day to be an island without listening out for cries/needs all the time.

I think it is the 'always alert' thing that is exhausting.

Can you get your man to take over dinner duties a couple of days a week? Sometimes 'one less chore' can make a big difference and can feel quite freeing?

New stay-at-home-mum and owner of Outie - designing and making pregnancy tees and splat mats for minimising baby boo-boos.

We have a rule in our house, who ever is driving- even if it just to the shops, the driver chooses the music or radio station smile as long as its kiddie appropriate
TV should be a compromise too! Could you do a 'we watch hubby shows tonight and mine tomorrow night' thing? Too bad if he cracks up, maybe if he doesn't like what's on he can go clean stuff instead tongue

I won't let my marriage become all about what hubby wants as I need to be happy too- HAPPY WIFE HAPPY LIFE hehe

I hear ya Noddy. I'm feeling a bit better now, but the last few weeks I had been feeling really overwhelmed too. DS was driving me absolutely crazy and I just needed to get out for a few minutes to not be mum. I took a couple of hours out for myself and while I still felt like I could do wih more of a break, it took away the ... Drowning, have nothing left feeling.

Feel free to PM me 'cause I sooo know what you're talking about. GBH xxx

P.S. Did you show your DH that article that ... I think it was Benjamin's mummy posted?

"Parenting is the easiest thing in the world to have an opinion about, but the hardest thing in the world to do."

GBH nods. Hope you get a little time to yourself soon.

Nody you're doing a damn good job. You are not you're Dhs mother and he is not a child if he doesn't like what you are suck it up. I wouldn't want my kids knowing that whining and works better that manners. This man needs to realize that you're not super woman and you do need things and time for your self. Even the best of us need a break.
I hope you feel better soon.

If you can be a PurpleUnicorn, Why not a RainbowDragon?

GBH's hunny.

I can so relate to where you are coming from. Being a mum is tough, even being a half hearted mum is tough being supermum is near impossible sometimes.

Your dh needs to either take over the job completely - because of course he could hack it wink- or leave you to your job because sweetie you do it so well. You put so much pressure on your self and it unfair of him to do it too.

My dh was a pain in the butt to when the kids were younger and I just ignored him. He would bitch about my breastfeeding and co-sleeping because I was not making it easy for myself but he is the first to tell everyone now that WE made the choice to have the kids BF until 2 yrs and how good it was for them .

One thing I did when my kids were young was to focus on the next best thing to happen in my life instead of what was driving me crazy. Some days it was the fact that the day would end and I would get at least two hours without someone touching me. Other days it was a shopping trip etc.
Have you tried doing something like..... and this sounds stupid but it is so good.... going for a drive with the kids at nap time or even at night and driving until they fall asleep and then parking in a nice spot and eating chocolate or chips and reading a book? Or going for a walk with the pushchair and doing the same? It feels sooo naughty but it makes you feel refreshed laugh
I also agree with the others you need a hobby, think about something you have wanted to try and have a go!
My blog, take a peek into my world

+1 to bellydancing danni

all brilliant advice and similar to what I was about to say.

You are a great mum Nods, but you put soooooo much pressure on yourself. I do understand cos I was exactly the same, it took me until child #3 to realise that sometimes things just dont get done. (ie housework) When the kids were little like yours I would often break my day into hours or chunks eg just need to get through til naptime, then i can have a biccie, just need to get past witching hour and I can sit down etc. I have now decided to focus on the little things and the positive things, I would make myself find a small moment of each day to enjoy

eg the 5 minutes when each of the kid are content and you can actually sit down with a drink rather than racing off to tackle some housework.
dancing around to a silly song with dd, holding ds if he likes it
sitting outside in the sunshine - I find just going outside lifts my mood big time.
A drive through coffee at maccas and if DS falls asleep ont he drive thats a bonus, you can sit somewhere with the radio on (your station), air con running and relax and enjoy your coffee.

with your DH and the TV, I would vote for the compromise option. Tonight we are watching my show, tomorrow its your show and if they are on at the same time then it gets recorded and we watch it after. He does need to pull his head in (again!) and realise that you need a break. If the only way for that to happen is for you to just up and leave the house then that might be what you have to do, gets DD and DS fed and organised and head out for a bit.

Big Hugs, I am only a pm away if you need smile

Mr J (April 2005) Miss Z (Feb 2007) and Miss O (Oct 2010)

Thanks everyone.

Those who suggested pnd.
I have considered this. But tbh i can't bring myself to pick up the phone and make an appointment. I don't know why. Maybe im scared because being if i was to need medication it would mean a hard choice between taking them and Bf or going through the prpblem of Ds refusing formula and bottles. Also. Having been on meds before i didn't like constantly questioning whether i was enjoying something or happy because that was how i felt or because of the medication.

And for some reason i have a hard time standing up to my husband. If it were anyone else its my way or the highway. But i think i just feel defeated where he's concerned.

Thanks for the suggestions of how i can get me time. Yesterday the kids wouldn't sleep so i put them in the car and went for a drive. I forgot to add chocolate though. wink
I am doing a business course already but its so stressful because i just don't get time to sit and do it. I've ended up using my down time when the kids go to bed to do it. I try getting family to watch kids while i get into it but they don't seem to get it. Last weekend i tried four times to get time to study and ended up doing it before bed again anyway!

This morning i gave Ds to husband and now lying in bed on huggies. But Ds needs to be fed soon so Ill have to get up.

The reason i don't leave Ds with anyone is he's very cling atm and he's still so young. I've never been one to leave my kids with anyone. Dd want left with anyone until about 14-15 months. She was only left with her dad for an hour when i went to exercise class twice a week after she was one. It makes me uneasy and guilty when i leave my kids. Im still struggling with my choice to put dd in day care one day a week to free up time to study. And husband will often make comments that i shouldn't have put her in care or why did i want to leave her.

(Noddy's not fat ffs!)

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