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Confused!! Lock Rss

Hi

I am feeling confused about what I should do. I have recently found out that my grandmother (mum's mum) is not doing so well. I don't know what to do as we have not been close for several years. I don't even know if I will go to the funeral when it does happen.

My grandmother has never really been interested in me because I am a girl, and my mothers daughter. Even now she is not asking to see me just her son and his son and one other male cousin.

Not that I really expected her to ask for me I was just hoping that in her last days she might realise what she has missed out on. I loved her so much when I was a kid, but as I grew up I realised it was one sided and she wasn't really worthy of my admiration.

I do not mean to offend any one but this woman was a complete b!tch to my mother. She didn't even care when my mother was diagnosed with cancer, after my mother passed away she told me how much she loved my mum and i thought to myself that's bullsh!t.

I guess I know what I will do but am just finding conflicting feelings inside. I guess the biggest problem is that I don't have my mum to ask her what to do or how she feels about it all. I guess it just hurts that my grandmother does not care.

Sorry just one of those days.

Take care mummies!

Hi there,

I won't pretend to even know what you are going through, because I don't, but I did think that if that was my nan (mums mum, who I am not close to either), what would I do.

The only thing I could think of right now was, ask yourself when your grandmother does finally pass will you feel like everything is resolved and finalised with her. If you feel like you still have unfinished business with her, then maybe go and see her, even if it is just to say goodbye. I had an auntie pass that I was really close to, I never got to say goodbye, so writing a letter about my feelings etc was a good way for me to get it out of my system and make me feel like I said goodbye in a way.

Maybe if you still have resentment or hurt towards her for not being affectionate and loving with you, then maybe write a letter instead.

I hope that you find someone to come to a happy place in your life over this issue. Good luck.

Danielle

QLD DD 2/02 DD 3/03 DD 2/05 Jack 23/3/07

You poor thing. Clearly, you have some issues - and fair enough. Either way, I think its important you find some-one to have a chat to - whether a councellor or a close friend. Its good to get all those feelings and thoughs out, it will help you heal and begin to move on.

One thing I will say is its her (grandmas) problem, its not you - so don't punish yourself. There are probably good reasons why your grandma turned out the way she did, and did the things she did. I'm sure she has thought about it and has regrets, but some-times its not so easy to deal with them - well, some people just don't have the courage.

Sounds like you do, good for you.

DD is 3yr 8 months - DS is 6 months

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