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  5. People making you feel bad for having a caser

People making you feel bad for having a caser Lock Rss

This is a topic that still makes my blood boil 12 months after having my son via elective c-section.

When I told people that I had to have a caeser they would say stuff like "Oh, what a shame" or "too bad you won't get to experience a real birth" or "I guess it will be hard to bond" or "you won't be able to move/walk for weeks!!!" I HATE THAT!!!!!! Having a caser didn't/doesn't make me any less of a mother and I love my son and bonded with him as much as anyone else could!!!!!! And I was up walking normally the next day and had no issues at all taking care of of my son!!!! How rude!

If you have one you are not missing out on anything. You will still end up with a beautiful baby that you get to love forever. I just don't want anyone else feeling less like a mother due to obnoxious comments.

Good luck XX

I think that its sad that there are such strong prejudices that seem to come with having babies. I had a natural birth but because DS was premmie, I had a hard time bonding. He was taken to special care nursery after only a few minutes with him and was in an isolette for days.

As a young mum I face strong prejudice and I find that the easiest way to shut people up is to a) ignore them or b) say to them 'you make think that but every baby is different and you haven't had my baby so you are not qualified to assess my relationship...

personally i don't think c-sections should be elective, they should be in an emergency only. my thoughts are if you are scared about he pain or other risks then you should of thought of that before you fell pregnant.

I'm all for natural births UNLESS there is a risk to mother or baby.



Hoola hoop,

I had to have a caeser due to issues with my sons cord, placenta and my blood pressure. "Elective" simply means it was booked ahead of time and wasn't done in an emergecny situation. It doesn't mean it was my perferrd option. I was told it would of been extremely dangerous for my son if I even tried to have a natural birth and it wouldn't of been too healthy for me either. I am a mid twenty very fit and healthy woman and there was nothing that I could of done to prevent the issues that arose.

You seem to be a little close-minded and so I guess you were one of the people that I was referring to. I don't understand why women have to be so nasty to eachother over something as wonderful as pregnancy/labour. As PP said, she gets judged as being a younger mother, I get judged for having a caeser, my friend got judged for not being able to BF and I get judged for BF too long!! The judgements are endless and I really don't think it's neccesary.

P.S Emergecy C-sections are usually quite dangerous and it means you and your baby are already in danger. I don't like the thought of of that!

I'm sorry that you feel judged... Most mums feel like they are being judged for something. Fortunately though nobody can MAKE you feel anything. Usually the feelings that arise from the comments people make are your own issues surfacing. For example in your post the comments that people made to you were genuine issues that many people have problems with in regards to c/s. According to your post nobody commented that a c/s makes you less of a mother - thats what your mind came up with. So they probably weren't judging you (even if it felt like it) they probably just didn't know how to deal with what can be a traumatic or physically difficult situation for many. I am glad you had a positive c/s experience!
Hey there ange
My first pregnancy was an elective C sec, and my 2nd pregnancy was 20 hr labour with emergency C sec at the end. I also to find that there are lots of people who judge you on a C sec, especially when you say the word 'elective' which as you said doesn't mean that you had the c sec just because you didn't want to labour it just means that it was booked ahead of time. I tend to refer to it as a 'medically necessary C sec'
Now that i've tried labour i do realise that both a natural labour and a C section are both difficult and very painful but in different ways.
I much preferred the elective C sec as i have found that iv'e gotten quite depressed after the emergency one as it went against everything i was hoping for.

3 Busy rugrats,

I may use your wording from now on!!! lol. Because yes, I often I find the judging comes after I say "elective". Many ignorant people think that this literally means I wanted one and so "elected" to have one and that I wasn't "woman" enough to have a vaginal birth. How wrong they are! But I definitely I like your terminology better!! lol
I hope you feel better after your emergency c-section soon. The main thing is that you have a beautiful healthy baby smile

Good luck!

hey ange22,

how very sad that there are so many narrow minded ladies in this world.
i had a horrifying experience with my first c-section and i wouldn't wish it on any mum to be! in fact i was scared so badly that it took me two year to even contemplate falling pregnant again. i would have loved to have had a vaginal birth. but unfortunantly my bubs was breech.

i also find it very sad that other woman feel they need to judge. a vaginal birth doesn't make anyone superior.we are all mums and have been through alot to have our beautiful kids!!!!! we all should be treasured and treated equal, at least our babies and children don't judge how they came into the world and love us just as much as if they entered the world vaginally. smile

to all u judgeing mums out there take a good hard look at yourselves! and ask are you really better than any other mother. deep down you know the answer!

i must say.lol. yes this is a very long message but oh how i could keep going on this. very good subject to touch on. well done!!!!!
[Edited on 28/01/2010]

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Hi Shell,

I agree so much with what you said. We are all mums... why do we have to be so mean sprirted and judgmental when it comes to anything relating to pregnancy/birth???

I dont normally come to this part of the forum but I have had 3 c sections and if you think mums are judgemental/ mean spirited wait until you walk through the school gate and/or register your child into junior sports.People are just mean everywhere and sometimes you just have to let it go and know you are doing the best job with your kids that you can.In 3, 5, 10 or 50 years time it will not matter so dont let it bother you now.

mum of 3 boys aged 11, 13 and 14

I know how you feel. I really did want a natural birth (don't get me wrong - natural still means DRUGS to me tongue)... and I tried really hard...

Bub was a week overdue and stopped moving. They induced labour with cervadil. Contractions started almost straight away.. icky hurty ones about 20 mins apart. 2 days later, my waters still hadn't broken and the labour hadn't progressed. So they did another dose of cervadil. 2 days later... same situation. By now I'd been in hospital for 4 days, having contractions every 20 mins. On the 5th day they broke my waters and started the cyntocin drip... bub is almost 2 weeks overdue now. I had an epidural which was placed incorrectly, and only blocked knees down. 10 hours later, active labour, they finally believed me, and tested the epi (I was right) - I was given another, which again didn't work - at 15 hours and the 3rd epi, I finally was a little less in pain. At 21 hours after they broke my waters, I was told I could start pushing... and I did - for 2 hours. Baby's heart rate was at 260, and my BP dropped to 50/30... fun!

Finally, they opted for an emergency c-section, for both my sake and the baby - 6 days after I went into labour. Bub was born at 10 pounds (4.5 kg), and was rushed to neo-natal because his bsl was so low after such a long and dangerous labour. Turns out he was posterior and breech - how could they not have known that?

Why am I telling you this? Because people give me a hard time that I had a c-section. Personally? I tell them to stick it.

I'm pregnant again (bub is 1yr), and my obgyn has told me its just not safe to try to a natural delivery. After the last delivery, even if I tried natural, he has advised me the chances of going through with it are less than 1%. So I'm scheduling my elective c-section well ahead of time. Sure - I would have loved to be able to do this the "natural" way... but I already have the proof the c-sections are fine - my baby is 1 - healthy, beautiful, smart and funny... we have an amazing bond and as horrible as the experience was, I wouldn't change it... What happens happens.. so everyone else just needs to get the heck over it!

Mara
i totally agree! i had an emergency c.section with DS after active labour of 13 hours then everything stopping, i was assessed by specialists and was given the option of waiting or having a c.section so in saying emergency i chose it as i was told the chance of delivering naturally was less than 10%, DS was big and not in the ideal position so yes i chose to have a c.section but i, like you was still pregnant, carried a healthy baby and now have a healthy baby to show for it, honestly how the baby came out is no-one elses business and doesnt make any difference at all. I am pregnant again and will be having an elective c.section this time due to what happened last time, our decision which is best for me and the baby......

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