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Why so nasty? Lock Rss

I am reasonably new to the Huggies forum, though I have lurked around for a little while as I find it so handy to be able to see what other parents and babies are up to. I find it sooooooooooo hard to bring up issues at times in person with people,I feel that I am forever being judged!
My DS is 6mths old and since he was born (actually maybe it was since I became 'visibly' pregnant) people seem to think that having a bump or a baby entitles THEM to inundate you with "advice", thats all well and good as they seem to feel like they're helping and maybe it's just me being paranoid but lately it seems to me that if I choose not to follow that "advice" that their reaction becomes a bit more nasty - I've even had someone say to me recently "Well you're going to pay for that later!" just because of something I said that they didn't agree with. I don't know whether it's just my social circle but lately anything I say about DS is critisised... Me: 'He has started to crawl" THEM "oh, thats way to young to be crawling", ME: 'he doesn't really 'talk/make much noise' THEM "Oh well you'll probably find he'll have speech problems later on" THEM "Oh he is way too small for his age" (He is only Just under the average for his age)And so on... it happens with just about EVERYTHING I say or do!!!!
So I feel like I should just keep my mouth closed rather than being proud and excited of my firstborn and being a parent able to experience these things for the first time..
Is it just me or do other people get the same reactions as well?? And what do you say to people who constantly make comments like that?

I know I should probably just try to block it out but sometimes it happens too often that I would really love to bite back but being a first time mum I never really feel that my opinion is qualified?
I had similar problems from some people. DS was 5wks prem, wasnt doing the rolling/sitting thing. people kept saying similar things. suddenly, withing a wk, he is now rolling, sitting and almost crawling. we saw the paed 2day, and he is very happy with his progression. He was under the growth curve (like, right at the bottom of it), now well and truely above it, he has just grown so much!!

I know it can be hard, but try to ignore them, if you tell someone womething about ur DS that you are proud of n they criticize (?sp) you, just say "well I am proud of his progress and all babies develop at different rates"





you poor thing i know the feeling. and i dont think i ever had it too bad. i'm lucky now that i have the worlds most cheerful baby people tend not to argue the point. but i have had to tell my parents to pull their heads in on occasion. i was lucky to meet a couple of wonderful friends through my parenting class where we always supported each other, gave each other a boost when we needed it after comments like above and all that other lovely stuff. if you can try to find someone to help out like that and stand by you that will help heaps when people say the nasty things. (and cheers girls if you happen to read this smile )
I completely understand where you are coming from. It is so hard sometimes to talk about my little man to certain other people. If I talk about what good things hes doing they treat me like i am bragging and if i talk about some 'bad' things its like i am exagerating, dont know what i am talking about or dont like being a mum (all untrue!!)

Me: 'He has started to crawl" THEM "oh, thats way to young to be crawling",
thats great he crawling, keeps you busy im sure, theres no such thing as too early they do it when they are ready
ME: 'he doesn't really 'talk/make much noise' THEM "Oh well you'll probably find he'll have speech problems later on" absolutely rediculous, it doesnt mean that at all.
THEM "Oh he is way too small for his age" (He is only Just under the average for his age) underaverage doesnt mean your too small hes healthy and thats the important thing- all adults arent the same size so why should kids be

You may be a first time mum but no one knows your bub like you do.
anyway you post struck a cord with me and i just thought id let you know not everyone will judge you like that. and your opion is definately qualified
B
Thanks all.
Feeling a little bit better about things. Most days I am rational and think I am doing an ok job. I have a happy and healthy little boy so I must be doing something right and at times I am able to put the comments from some other people aside and just think that it's jealousy or sometimes that some people just don't seem to know what to say other than to criticise. but other days when you get bombarded with it I find that it gets to me too much.
In saying that too, I think maybe I need to limit the amount of time I spend with those kinds of people (some of them are related so sometimes it's harder to escape them!) and socialise more with my friends with bubs/kids that are so much more supportive to each other - probably a better and more positive environment to bring up my boy in anyway!
it's sad but yeah sometimes just gotta try distance yourself from people who seem to want to bring you down. we (hubby and I) have recently decided to only make the effort with true friends- whether we see them once a week or once a year, but the ones we really care about and feel they care equally about us. it's hard but after a while it gets too tiring trying to keep going with friends like that. (for eg the best man at our wedding told us he was engaged then expecting a bub by facebook)
oh hon, I hear you.

People (and women in particular) are SO judgmental. You think we would be kinder to each other knowing how hard being a mummy is.
I dont just think it's you. I think we all feel judged. I know I get a lot of negative comments from people regarding the fact that I had a caeser. It really upsets me. Due to issues with my sons cord, I needed a caeser, and people make me feel like I'm not as much of a mother or that I musn't be as close to my son as those that had a vaginl birth. It really is just unneccsary.

I agree with PP... just surrpund yourself with positive people and try not to let those comments get you down smile

Hi and thanks for speaking out about this as I had similiar negativity towards becoming a mum 2 be... im due 17 feb !!! but from month 3 when I annouced I was pregnant at work all I had was "enjoy our time before the birth cause once that happens etc etc" Considering I work with 40 odd women it got me so down I've only started enjoying my pregnancy as Im now been on mat leave for 4 weeks... how awful is it to have no positive comments and they make you feel like we are some kind of person that thinks everything is like in the movies... yes I would luv to only take on board anything positive said but we are only human and to hear these other comments said day in day out can really do some (shortterm) damage... look I hope your situation sorts its self out, Id slowly start to cull the friendships that are not what you want as hard as it may be.
what i do with ppl that pass on there advice that i don't want is say "ok, that sounds interesting i will think about it" and then ignore what just came out of their mouth!
with my MIL i blantaly pretend to not heard what she has said and talk to my bubba, or cat which ever is closest LOL, and with my Mum i say "i haven't killed her yet so maybe i will keep been the mum and you the grandma" tehhe
DH and i laugh together after ppl have passed on there great wisdom, its the only way to deal with it.
Perfect advice Kezzabelle!

I've found that with the second child people tend to assume you know what your doing and dont give you any advice at all. The only problem is that if you ASK for some, they look at you like your a moron. Loose loose situation.

I actually found that if you take everything everyone says (within reason) and pick bits from it all, it often does come in handy occasionally. Its so hard not to think 'RIGHT OK! thats how its done, it'll all be ok' because, for me, it never was.

2nd time round isn't any easier!

x

MINI ENVY http://www.madeit.com.au/minienvy

everyone seems to have something to say when you have a baby, especially when its your first.
i get it a lot and i just try to be polite and say that if i do something that maybe makes it harder later on then ill deal with it and i want to try it my way first
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