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  5. HELP - My brother hasn't invited my 12mth old son to his wedding!

HELP - My brother hasn't invited my 12mth old son to his wedding! Lock Rss

Hi,

I'm after some help in wording a rejection to an invite to my brother's wedding. He has invited my partner and myself and not my 12 month old son. The wedding is a 5hr drive from our place and is an all day wedding, starting at 10am.

I have only ever left my son with my Mum and she passed away in June and he has never been left with anyone since. He recently spent a week in hospital with a rare virus which nearly killed him. This has made us even more cautious about leaving him with others. The few people we would trust to look after him they will all be attending the wedding.

My partner and I know it will cause HUGE problems in the family by not going but we just don't think it's right not to invite him and not right for us to leave him with a complete stranger for a whole day. We are just going to send a polite rejection to their invite and wait for the *** to hit the fan so to speak.

This is the wording I have come up with so, would love some help in refining it.

Dear sister in law & brother,

Thank you for the lovely invite to your wedding.

As Declan has unfortunately not been invited we are unable to attend. Declan has never been left with anyone other than Mum and after nearly losing him recently we do not feel comfortable with leaving him with others, especially not strangers. We hope you understand.

Best wishes for your special day and may it be full of wonderful memories.
Love us
i think that sounds pretty nicely worded
alot nicer than what i would say
That sounds lovely, but being as it's your brothers wedding, couldnt you just call him and explain the situation? I would send that kind of note to a cousin or an acquaintance.

I would think that he would understand your situation, especially as the wedding is five hours away. You could always promise that if your son starts to become loud or distracting during the ceremony you or dp will take him away until he calms down.

I understand why your brother may not have invited your child, some wedding venues are not kid friendly, however if it were my brother and this situation came up, I would attend by myself and leave my partner looking after my kids, you coulf travel up there together, you go to the wedding, and then you could have some time just your family. Weddings are special times for the bride and groom, and I think its important you make an effort to go.


I agree with this, too. If he really doesnt want kids there, this is a great option.
I would leave out the first sentence. If you want to minimise hurt and drama then don't add anything that sounds accusatory. I would make it solely about his health and your hesitance to leave him with someone while you are so far away.

I think you worded it good but he your brother a phone call would be nicer.




Before you say you can't go why not ask your brother about it? Something along the lines of "I realise that the invitation to you wedding was only addressed to my husband and I but I was wondering if we would be able to bring DS along with us to the wedding and reception? It is a very long distance for us to travel and with him being so ill lately we're not comfortable leaving him with anyone else atm. etc explaining your reasons." If he says that you can't bring DS then you've already laid the ground work for you saying that unfortunately you can't attend but he might also say it is ok and then you all get to enjoy the wedding together.

I only suggest this because we've had 2 wedding invitations when one of our kids was young. With DD she was old enough to not have to be with us and didn't need a bf etc so we just left her with my parents (wedding was for DH's side of the family). The groom and bride were surprised and disappointed that DD hadn't come even though she hadn't been listed on the invite. They assumed when we accepted the invite that we were accepting for DD as well as us and even had a place set for her at our table at the reception (oops!). With the 2nd wedding (also DH's side) DS was less than 6 months old and exclusively bf. I just called up and asked if it was possible to bring him along too. I explained my reasons why and they were perfectly happy for us to bring him along, even though he wasn't mentioned on the invite (DD stayed with my parents).

Leisa.
Just want to ask, have you talked to your brother at all about whether your son is actually invited or not? Some people might just only write down the parents names and just assume the kids will come?



I agree with the other. he's your brother. he may have overlooked the obvious by not talking to you about the omission of your son before sending the invite but I would definitely call him or see him one on one and explain your situation. perhaps there' an option to take your child with but also take a minder for him like a friend or someone who can remove him or play with him if he's a handful or needs his sleeps. I suppose what I'm getting at is unless the relationship you have with your brother is a bit strained I wouldn't send a letter. families should at least be able to work through these tricky issues. But if you want to send the letter I think yours is very well constructed. do you think it's possible he assumed that you would bring your son by inviting you and you partner?? just a thought.

If you fancy a laugh, visit my blog which is basically a collection of observations and rantings about motherhood, people and the mundane. See www.callmepicky.blogspot.com.au

The invite clearly states that no kids under 18 will be allowed into the venue. I am not very close to my brother and we only see him and speak to him once a year, so I really don't think he will miss us anyway. I'm sure he only invited me cause he felt he had to for Dad's sake.

When my son was in hospital he never answered any of my calls and txts to his phone to tell him about his nephew. I know his phone is working cause he called to talk to Dad while he was sitting in the hospital next to me to discuss car racing with him. After that we decided we aren't going to bother with him anymore.
hmmm... thats just lovely of him, if I were you, I'd leave what you wrote to start with, stating because DS was not invited.........
If he can't even be bothered to at least say something to you with a really sick bub in hospital, then I wouldn't waste my time on him if I were you!




Hi,

I'm after some help in wording a rejection to an invite to my brother's wedding. He has invited my partner and myself and not my 12 month old son. The wedding is a 5hr drive from our place and is an all day wedding, starting at 10am.

I have only ever left my son with my Mum and she passed away in June and he has never been left with anyone since. He recently spent a week in hospital with a rare virus which nearly killed him. This has made us even more cautious about leaving him with others. The few people we would trust to look after him they will all be attending the wedding.

My partner and I know it will cause HUGE problems in the family by not going but we just don't think it's right not to invite him and not right for us to leave him with a complete stranger for a whole day. We are just going to send a polite rejection to their invite and wait for the *** to hit the fan so to speak.

This is the wording I have come up with so, would love some help in refining it.

Dear sister in law & brother,

Thank you for the lovely invite to your wedding.

As Declan has unfortunately not been invited we are unable to attend. Declan has never been left with anyone other than Mum and after nearly losing him recently we do not feel comfortable with leaving him with others, especially not strangers. We hope you understand.

Best wishes for your special day and may it be full of wonderful memories.
Love us



Why dont you just ring your brother and talk to him about it? Im sure he would rather you all be there instead of none of you?
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