midwives/nurses, are they too opinionated?

I found that the last few weeks during my pregnancy my midwives were giving me various options with how to have the birth however each one of them seemed to push towards one way or another, I am not sure whether this comes from past experience or personal opinion however we already have enough going on in our minds to have to deal with feeling like we are not doing something properly for the midwife we have.
I also had the same experience with the nurses once I had my baby, some would tell you to do one thing while others would tell you not to, for example bottle feeding and dummies. I felt this was also their own personal opinion and not something you need pushed on you when you already want to do everything as naturally as possible, unfortunately there are hurdles and obstacles with every child and we need to take measures to suit the conditions.
I feel there should be a procedure that midwives and nurses have to follow so they are not pushing their own ideas onto you, one that gives you choices without leading you in a particular direction.
Has anyone else had the same bad experiences?

Not personally but I had a friend who had a terrible and stressful time (she was a wreak) breast feeding and was made to feel guilty by mid wives and breast feeding ocnsultants for wanting to turn to the bottle. Eventually after 2 months she followed some of us more practical mums who siad it wouldn't be the end of the world, made the change and finally started enjoying her baby but she felt as if she had missed out on her baby a bit because of it.

I agree that personnal opinions should be kept out of the equation when it comes to medical care. Information on all options should be given and support for whatever the mother decides feels right for her should be supported.

Not personally but I had a friend who had a terrible and stressful time (she was a wreak) breast feeding and was made to feel guilty by mid wives and breast feeding ocnsultants for wanting to turn to the bottle. Eventually after 2 months she followed some of us more practical mums who siad it wouldn't be the end of the world, made the change and finally started enjoying her baby but she felt as if she had missed out on her baby a bit because of it.

I agree that personnal opinions should be kept out of the equation when it comes to medical care. Information on all options should be given and support for whatever the mother decides feels right for her should be supported.

I had much the same problem with my maternal health nurses and midwives regarding breastfeeding, no support, they told me it must just be a settling problem and not to go onto the bottle. And when I couldn't take it anymore, I tried formula and she was a completely different baby.

I felt they didn't listen to me, they just tried to push for their own ideas.

Also, I found that at every visit for bub, it was like they had to tell me one thing I was doing wrong, they'd keep looking until they found something to worry me about. (regarding feeding, crawling, sitting, eyesight, anything)

Although, I had one MHN who was quite a bit older (60ish), and she was wonderful! Obviously just a lot more practical experience and advice, rather than theory and agendas...

I really feel for you, that is not fun at what should be a joyous time.

I am a health professional, and ANY opinion I offer to a patient is based on evidence, the patients needs the reality of what we can offer (alas, never a miracle cure). Patients will often ask me what I would do, and although I may offer an opinion it is always based on the above and I ALWAYS state you do need to work out what YOU want.

I tended to just ignore the mad and opinionated ones throughout and after my pregnancies(am pretty firm in my opinions), but agree, if you are not able to do this it makes it difficult. And I also agree, there should be some consensus (there is around some things like breast feeding is best - usually offered without the helpful and realistic- but bottle feeding will not harm your baby and might be required for your baby's health or yours etc.). The problem is, childbirth and its after activities are SUCH an emotive experience and time. I was devastated when I could not BF DS2, but 3 months down the track I have reconciled myself to what happened and accepted it was not what I wished for, but ultimately, DS2 is a happy and thriving baby.

You do have a number of options. You can contact your hospital and/or maternal health care centre and provide constructive feedback on what you did and did not find helpful, you can make a formal complaint, you can provide immediate feedback when confronted with this kind of behaviour, or make a decision to make your own informed decisions - other mums are a good source (stick to people you trust and have similiar values and a lifestyle to you) and especially, take advice from people who don't force it on you LOL. My mum and MIL LOVE a dummy, and nag and nagged for me to give one to DS2. He has one, for when is cranky before a feed, but does not NEED it for bed, so no dummy in bed (both have admitted to ignoring this request, sigh). Everyone has an opinion, some better informed than others, some kinder than others and most based on their own experience with their unique baby. But agree, you do expect better from health professionals, and I find it interesting that this area of health seems to be the last hold out around evidence - probably because for a lot of things, we have none (i.e. is a dummy better?).

Good luck, you are the best mum for your baby smile

I had bad experiences with midwives, every midwife I saw had a different point of view. In one day I had a midwife tell me too start expressing for top ups, the next shift took the pump off me, the third shift gave it back, and the last shift wanted to take it off me and I told them to politely stick it because I wanted to use it. lol

On my last day in hospital I had a great midwife who told me "take all the advice with a smile and think of it eggs in your basket, when you have a problem pull an egg out as see if it works" best advice yet. Really helped me de-stress.

I agree it would be good if there was something in place to stop midwives and nurses only giving there oppinion, but you couldn't police it.

I think we all end up being too hard on the midwives and nurses. There is no '1 way' of doing things when it comes to babies, and I for one am happy about that. It's such an emotional time havig a baby, and I think thats why we take there support so badly if things aren't perfect. I'm not saying there aren't nasty ones out there, but I would hate new mums to be to think that are going to get hassled.

I was in hospital for 7 days with DS. I had so many different midwives I lost count. They all have different ideas, and different advice. I loved it. I got to listen to everything they thought was a good idea, and only take the bits I wanted to use. One nurse really wanted me to do something, and I just said polietly, 'thanks for that, but I'm going to do it this way' no biggy.

smile

I don't think were being to hard. I have had some wonderful practical widwives who gave me some wonderful advice and support. We are just bringing up the point that there are some very forceful opinionated midwives out there that should prehaps be somewhat inhibited from being too forceful by some sort of regulation as to how advice is given. Giving advice based on the best information available is one thing but making a women feel bad because she doesn't want to do it their way or is having difficulty is not on.

It's ok if your the type to let things roll off your back and usually second round mums are a little better at this. But the poor first time mums can often be unsure of themselves and very emotional. It can be a very stressful time and it doesn't need to be any more so.

Listen to everything politly and then trust yourself to make the right decesions .The first three months are the worest .

Unfortunately I think that as a result of years of monotony and shift work, it is easy to become close minded. From my personal experience with a frank breech birth and a complicated caesarean, I was disappointed with the lack of compassion or flexibility of the midwives. Furthermore; I remember how bad they made me feel whilst struggling with breastfeeding, however, not one of them offered to make me more relaxed with a cup of tea or by taking the baby for half an hour, or god forbid by letting me sleep for the first time in two days. I felt that all that mattered was that my baby got fed, regardless of other issues i had. If you are a midwife, we know you are just wanting what is best for the baby, but please remember to support, protect and advocate on our behalf, and don't forget your compassion when you come to work.

I feel there should be a procedure that midwives and nurses have to follow so they are not pushing their own ideas onto you, one that gives you choices without leading you in a particular direction.

I disagree with this statement. I am a nurse and its not just black and white! but a good nurse (or midwife) should be able to assess individual patients and tailer their care to them.

I'm sorry you had crap midwives.... tbh one of the reasons I went private is I didn't want midwives making desisions that could effect my birth.

I had one midwife after I had DS encourage bottle feeding. Now I am very pro breast feeding so declined saying I will wait for my milk to come in (DS was only 2 days old and my milk hadn't come in yet). Now you probably may have thought that she was a great midwife for suggesting that. I was horrified that a midwife was trying to compromise my ability to provide for my baby.

Just remember, we are all human..... we make mistakes too smile

I disagree with this statement. I am a nurse and its not just black and white! but a good nurse (or midwife) should be able to assess individual patients and tailer their care to them.

That may be I agree even woman is different as are her circumstances but the differance of opinions in this field seems to vary far more that in say a cardiac setting. I just think there should be a little more agreement on what information is to be given, then it is up to the mother to make an informed choice without having somebody elses opinion impressed upon them.

Like I said though I had some great midwives, but some pretty bossy and opinionated ones as well. I just think they need to be reigned in a little to make it less confusing for new mothers.