Windmill, we are having dd tested on the 6th and I know you know a lot about it and these are what we are worried about
She hoards won't let people touch her pony back pack with her treasures in there will cry or lash out of a sibling does but will look confused if another child does
She is speech delayed
Has trouble with adults like shy and hides but is ok with kids but looks lost in play some times, she can warm up to people though pretty well.
She is a stickler for things in there spots if a toy falls out if its spot its a 45 minute meltdown
She has aggression issues
Dp has ADHD and we thought that maybe her problem as we have a one in 5 chance by genetics (do his dad his uncles and his bro all have it)
So in your opnion does dd sound autistic?
Sorry for taking so long to get back about this.
Well, ASD is pretty complex, and it isn't necessarily just behaviours that will indicate anything in itself - it is mainly the reason for the behaviours, as well as the degree to which the behaviours are different and interfering in someone's life. I will give you as much speculation as I feel that I can based upon the info you gave me about your daughter.
The hoarding. Hoarding is very common among ASD people. This is because ASD people are very focused people; they develop attachments to things and topics. They think about their interests a lot. All kids have favourites, but not to the same degree as ASD people. That being said, some kids without ASD may also be hoarders, maybe for a different reason to the ASD kids. If you compare her interest in the backpack and her treasures, to your other kids' favourite things, is there a big difference? Your daughter's behaviour with hoarding and not wanting others to share, would be on the ASD checklist and could be a part of ASD.
You said a few times that your daughter seems confused in social scenarios. Do you know WHY she is confused? Do you know what triggered the confusion each time? Social difficulties are a hallmark of ASD, and basically the main issue with having it is this. Being shy or wanting to play with others is not really linked to ASD. ASD means that there is a part of the brain that does not have innate skills that the rest of the population have, about socialising, making friends, having a conversation, and understanding social rules and etiquette. Heaps of ASD kids LOVE to play with other kids - but the problem for them is that they do not know how to. So, maybe have a closer look at your daughter and how she plays with others. Like, does she know how to approach a group to join in a game? Does she know that other people won't necessarily want to play the same thing that she is playing? Does she know how to sustain a conversation? Does she listen to other kids talk and does she pay attention to them? Does she have any friends outside of the family that she plays with?
Wanting things to stay in the "right" place is definitely an ASD type behaviour; that is probably the thing in your list that most suggests ASD. That comes under the "rigidity" heading in a professional sense.
The aggression issues. It matters most WHY she is becoming aggressive. Kids with ASD are more prone to using aggression when things go wrong, because they have problems with emotional regulation to a greater level than other kids of the same age (who will all have varying degrees of having to learn emotional regulation). Is she getting aggressive because someone is touching her toy? Because someone is in her space? Because a line of toys or her block tower or something she was trying to finish got ruined? Do you think that the aggression is excessive compared to your other kids? Is the aggression environmental or does she have the same problem in a wide range of times?
Speech delay used to be used as a part of the ASD criteria, but I think they removed it. However, it would still be considered as suggestive of ASD, especially combined with the other things you mentioned. How speech delayed is she? Does she use other forms of communication that you can understand? Does she isolate herself a lot instead of interacting?
Meltdowns are indicative in themselves as well. Poor thing, meltdowns are horrible sad
There is actually a link between ADHD and ASD. Some people have both, and both often appear in families (like one sibling with ADHD and another one with ASD).
ADHD can result in aggression, but is she hyperactive or having trouble concentrating? Those things would be more ADHD-like. The other things you mentioned don't really seem like anything to do with ADHD to me.
Who suggested an assessment and for what reason?