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in laws smoking around baby Rss

I have a 8 month old little girl and my husbands brother and his wife are smokers and they constantly ask us to come over to their house.

I dont want to be rude but I wont take her anywhere near their house because they both chain smoke in it and it stinks!!....

They have a 4 year old boy and they smoked in the house from when they brought him home ffom the hospital and he has had SO many complications and been SO sick but they still think it is fine to smoke around him.

I have tried to tip toe around the subject but I dont like to "rock the boat" with family members because I am afraid they wil be offended.

Does anyone have any suggestions on how to tell them nicely that I wont bring my baby over to their house???

Lydia, mum to beautiful april + girl due 16th sept

Hi Lydia,

My son is 6 months now, and my husband and I are smokers, and his family are all smokers. When we smoke, we smoke outside and we always wash our hands and spray ourselves with deoderant or perfume before we go near our son.

My mother in law, chain smokes and doesn't care if she's near Christian, she'll go next to his pram (if he's outside) and have a smoke in one hand, holding it away from the pram (if that makes sense) and she'll talk to him and play with him like that. What I do is, I just walk up to the pram and push it away from her and tell her if she wants to play with him she can, but she knows the washing of hands and spray routine, and she has to do that first before going near him. I mean, I'm sorry if people get offended but I'd rather that than my son having to be near the stuff. The way I see it is, just because I'm stupid enough to smoke (I know I should quit), doesn't mean Christian has to smoke.

So what I suggest you do is tell you brother/sister in law that you don't want to offend them but you would rather not have your daughter in that environment, and If they want they can visit you as much as they like, as long as they smoke outside. I mean, at the end of the day, it's your baby, and you know what's best for her, so I say, do what is right by her and by yourself and your husband. So don't worry about what other people think or say, just do what works for you.

Hope I've been some help.
Francia
Hi Lydia,

My daughter is almost 12 months old and I have always been concious (or paranoid??) about smoking. Even when I was pregnant. My husband smokes, but only outside. My MIL is a chainsmoker and I have had to tell her over and over and over, not to smoke near my little girl. I also make them stay away from her for at least 5 minutes after a smoke. She would always have a smoke and them straight away, come gooing and gaaing in my little girls face. MIL always uses the excuse that she smoked throughout her entire pregnancy and 'there's nothing wrong with my kids'. I tell her that she was lucky that they didn't die of SIDS etc, because by doing that, she greatly increased the risk.

I know I may sometimes sound rude. But really, they are the rude ones, as just because they smoke, doesn't mean that me and my little girl have to also. I think that if makes me so sick, imagine how it makes my little girl feel.

I always thought that I'd rather say something than have anything happen to my little girl.

Mummy of 2 little angels. 6/6/03 & 3/8/05 & No 3

Thanks for your opinion guys and I think youre right Calli, I would rather tell them how I feel than have my daughter get ill.

I guess this is just a situation where someone is just going to have to have ttheir noses out of joint.

Thank you

Lydia, mum to beautiful april + girl due 16th sept

Hi
Basically she's your baby and you have the right to refrain from doing things where you think she may be in danger. I wouldn't go near the place personally, there has been so much research done on babies/children and smoking that they must walk around with their eyes and ears shut. Stand your ground and too bad if they get huffy!
Jo

mum of 1

Hi aprilsmum, I agree I wouldnt go near them either. You have to feel really sorry for their poor child. In today society where every one is sueing each other it will only be a matter of time before a child decides to take legal action against their parents for the damage they have suffered through passive smoking.
A friend of mine use to work as a manager in a nite club. Of course she continued to work while she was pregnant. She or her husband did not smoke so imagine her horror when she gave birth and the midwife let her have it for smoking while pregnant. Turns out the nicotine is all in your placenta and the colour is just disgusting. Just imagine what her son had been growing in!! She tried to explain she did not smoke but worked in a smoking environment etc...............it was on death ears as the widwife would not listen to her.
I feel sorry for the kids strapped in their car seats with the parents driving around smoking with all the windows up. I hate it when I pick up a kid for a cuddle and all you can smell is cigarette. SIDS tell you not to co sleep if you or your partner are smokers as the baby will inhale smoke from the air you exhale while you sleep.
I use to smoke and stopped nearly 6 years ago. I went cold turkey telling myself I stunk, my car/house/clothes stunk, I was socially unacceptable and I was going to die of cancer!! It may sound extreme but it worked for me.

I wouldnt let anyone who smoked near my child as I am his mother and it is my right to protect him the best way I know how and that is to keep him out of harms way. I wouldnt care if you offend anyone, smoking is a dirty, filty, disgusting habit (as I said I know I use to smoke). It causes so many diseases and not to just the smokers. The way I look at it - if you were to spit in their face, mouth or lungs or pass wind in their company you would be considered disgusting. You wouldnt do that out of respect- pity they dont respect you enough to give you the same courtesy.

You have to pity the poor neighbours. I have lived next door to people who smoked outside. All that means is they have a house that doesnt smell as bad and the non smoking neighbours cant go out side or have to shut their windows or bring in their washing thanks to the smokers next door.

At the end of the day it is their home and they are welcome to stink it out as much as they like. I would just continue to stay away from the place.
Has anyone ever had a situation where they told someone they will not bring their child to another persons house because the people smoke in the house?

How did they react to it?

Lydia, mum to beautiful april + girl due 16th sept

Well done Calebsmum, i'm also an ex smoker and agree with everything you say.
Jo

mum of 1

aprilsmum
My daughter was four weeks early and born with a lung infection, and i didn't allow any of my family who smoke (including my mother) around her if they were smoking.
They were fine with it as it was my choice, she is now 17mths old and they still don't smoke around her, they always smoke outside if they come to our home or if we go to there home.
Basically they know if they want to see me and my children it has to be a smoke free environment, and as babies can not say if they are fine with it or not it is up to the parents to choose for them like with everything else.

Jodi
Hi everyone,

I think what your family is being really selfish, and how could they possibly care about your baby.

Stick to your guns, and keep your bub away,

Tepe

PS, well said Janeen

DD5, DS3, DS lost to SIDS at 6mths & DD6m

Hi everyone,

Both my husband and I are non-smokers, but almost everyone in our family smokes. My family are really good about this issue, even when I was pregnant. They would always go outside, whether at my home or theirs. My husbands family was very different. They respected our home to smoke outside, but at their house they chainsmoked.....especially his sister. In the end, my husband had a go at his sister (nicely I have to add). After that, she either didn't smoke as much around me, or went outside.
Now that Ryan is around, I don't care who I tell. No-one is to smoke around him. I even tell my father off. He smokes outside the door, but leaves the door open, and the smoke still comes inside. He's a lot better now. I just feel that it's cool that they have made the decision to smoke, but Ryan is not old enough to make that decision, so they can't make it for him by smoking around him. Of course people will get offended, but it is necessary to ask them not to smoke around your kids, as it is for their health and safety. Aprilsmum, if you are worried about offending your brother and sister in laws, ask your husband to have a quiet word with them to either cut down, or go outside, whilst your daughter is around. I'm sure if they are told outright about your worries, they will do something about it.
Hope this helps.

Rebecca, NZ, Boy born 30/10/03

hello
i woud just like to say i have/had/and tried to deal with all of this for two years now!!!
im sick of it, i dont get along with my parnters dad at all.
when i planned to get pregnant, i quit smoking and to help me do that i developed a hatered for smokes (it worked).
i managed to get the his mum to go out side and cos i dont really talk to his dad i got his mum too. no surprise to me he moved to one room in the house to smoke, but would leave the door open and it would all come out and it would be fowl.
when Tasmin was born he would stand (this is at their house) at the door with it open and think that this was enough!! he may aswell been sitting next to me and bub!!
so one day i got the balls up and (nicely) asked him to go right outside, this back fired big time and he started to yell at me!! all that i could think was your an idoit cos your taking this out on me when its Tasmin that is suffering!!!!
so i made a desition to no longer go there when he is there and i cop a lot from his mum cos she thinks i dont like her and all the rest of it.
i go over there cos i feel i have to, not because i want to.
his mum has started to get her back up about all this stuff, anything you can think of, she will think its because i dont see her enough.
im pregnant at the moment and i dont give a stuff, their problem not mine till i come back from the hormone land!!!

im sick of it!!!

bye and have fun in what you decide!!

catherine mum to tasmin and Liam

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