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left out Lock Rss

Hi mums...
I just wanted to share my issue here..I will greatly appreciate any responds. My baby girl just turned 4 months and most of the times I feel that she doesnt know me as her mum! I feel that she only wants me only when she's hungry ( I breastfeed her). My DH can make her laugh out loud, as well as my relatives...but not me! well, i did once but never again...
i wished she sees me more than just the 'tap' when she's hungry...the thing is im currently staying with my parents and sister, they all love DD they hold her all the times. At the start it gave me a relief cos I can get a break from her, but now I really want stronger bond with her more than anything else...
Sorry for the long message.

Inez, perth WA, Sophie 23/01/06, Jet 21/09/07

Hi! I'm not sure if i can help, but I will try! I think in the early months, its best for a baby to have the majority of contact with its parents. it's a time when you are all exploring your relationship, your baby is getting to know you, etc, etc. if other people encroach (!) too much on this time, perhaps it means you are not getting enough time with your baby. i know in the early stages, especially when you are breastfeeding, you really feel like all you are ever doing is feeding - but believe me, your baby will be using this time to bond with you. i wouldnt worry too much - it will all work out. The fact that you want a close bond with your baby tells me that! hope my post makes sense to you (i am really really tired!)

kerrie, VIC, DD 12/8/03, DD 12/10/05, DD 14/9/07, DD 4/1/10

Hi Inez,

I feel for you, it's really hard when you are the one putting in the majority of the work looking after the wee monkey, and then they seem to prefer everyone else!

I think it's just a stage, your wee girl is still pretty young, and other people are a great novelty. Your little girl is probably enjoying looking at different faces rather than actually preferring those people to you, if that makes sense? Young babies are programmed to smile at everyone for a while, it helps them to build up a good circle of people to care for them - it's a survival thing. But as they get a bit older, over the next few months, your daughter will become more confident about who her family is, and she won't feel such a need to recruit new members to her fan club. And then her smiles and laughs will probably be reserved mostly for 2 or 3 special people, the most special being you!

Maybe you should tell your family that you really appreciate all the help they've been giving you, but you feel you need some alone time with your baby, just to hang out and chat and cuddle with her, so that your special time with her isn't just when you're breastfeeding. I'm sure they'll understand a mum wanting some quiet time with her baby!

Try not to worry, I think it's a very common experience for daddies to be the popular one for a while, my little girl has her father wrapped round her little finger, she can be a grumpy little rotter all day, then turn on the charm as soon as she sees daddy! And this makes sense - it's refreshing to see a different face at the end of a long day, so I try not to take it personally!

You'll probably find over the next few months that your baby will become more selective about who she wants. My DD is nearly 9 months, and she's at the stage when she won't let me out of her sight. It's nice to be wanted but it's tiring!

Remember that she's only a little baby and even if she's not expressing it very well yet, you are the most important person in her life, and there will be millions and zillions of kisses cuddles and smiles for you soon. Sounds like you're doing a great job!

Sorry about the big long ramble! tongue

This new forum is strange ...

Hi there,

I think this is quite a normal thing your bubba girl is doing, Its actually a sort of survival instinct also, up until about 5 or 6 months our little babes will really go to any one so that if something were to happen to us mummys our babys would be able to make a connection or bond to another care giver. Because you are her sorce of food she expects that she will be fed and made to feel secure, warm and comfortable - which I asure you is her favouritte place in the whole wide world. I could never settle my DS and he was always cranky when he was with me, mainly becuase he was always hungry and wondering where the boobie was tongue My son is only really laughing out loud now at 7 months, he now looks for me and (sort of) cuddles - Remember that you are the most special, amazing person to her and that your relationship will bloom beyond your imagination in no time - It will amaze you smile

Hi inez,
Don't worry, I bet she knows your voice and smell (i mean that in a nice way)so well and that's "home" to her.
My DS forgets I exist when Dad gets home, I just see it as relief from mum duty: watching him like a hawk to see what he is getting into/falling over! I get to potter around without someone pulling at my trousers all the time!
I can understand you want more of the cuddly/nice times with her, and it must be very difficult when you live with the family. Can you be alone anywhere with her? Is there a time they are all out? Maybe you will just have to take advantage of what you can get. Another possibility is asking them not to cuddle her etc all the time as you don't want her to expect that she should always be picked up?
Maybe you can play a different game with her so that is 'Your' game?
Whatever you do, I'm sure she knows who her Mum is.

Jen and 13mth Harvey

Hi Inez i'm sure your bubba knows who her mummy is and loves you alot. Feeding is a great way to bond with bubs. When I feed Charlie and she takes herself off the boobie I just hold her there and we have a little 'chat' - it's one of my fav things to do with her that's special to just us. How you feel is probably really normal. It's great you're rellies love her so much but they have to understand it is important for mummy/bubby time - have you spoken to them about it?

Good luck to you.

Charlie girl 15/01/06 & Dean the Machine 22/08/09

dont feel bad listen to this ****

when i first went to see our HCN , DD was about 3 weeks i think

and she actually told me babies dont love us!!!!
Its something they learn over time,as we are just there little robots

well u can imagine how i felt after that
DD is now 6 months and i know how much she loves me!!!
though as soon as "daddy"walks through the door she doesnt want a bar of me lol

Lillie....1 year old!!!

Hi inez
Don't stress too much about it. Bubs are really in-tune with being able to sense our feelings/fears/happiness etc. I know I went through a stage that I just felt like I too was just a meal on legs. I did all the crappy jobs while everyone else just got to play with Jeb. I even did the "he doesn't love me" days where I felt if I fell off the face of the earth he would miss me......I suffered a little PND. But once I learnt to just let go of myself, relax and just go with the flow a bit (got a bit of confidence about myself and in the fact that I could be a good mummy) I found the bond got and keeps getting stronger every day. If you can get lots of one on one time with bub. Get down on the floor and be a [email protected]#khead with her.....bubs don't judge us!! Pull faces, blow raspberries on her tummy, sing in a stupid voice....I found the more of a "tossa" I was when playing with Jeb the more he laughed and the closer we got!!!! He still goes through phases of liking daddy more but I think that's only natural coz daddy's are just fun and they don't see them as much. I think getting a place of your own will help heaps!!! You will be more relaxed in "your" own place and starting to make it feel like a real family "home" for the three of you. smile
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