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Should I feel guilty? Rss

An opportunity has come up for me to get into the nursing industry, which is something that I have always wanted. I have been offered a traineeship, and I really really want to take it. I have a 3 month old son, and I haven't spent a day away from him since he was born. I feel so guilty, because I really want this job, and we could really use the money. I have told them that I would only be available part time, and they have said that this is fine. I would miss my boy so much. I think that I am just so scared that he will get attached to someone other than me, and he won't need me anymore. And I don't want to miss anything that he does. I would love to hear from mums that went back to work while their baby was so young, and how you coped? Should I do it?

Marti, NSW, Baby Boy born on 17th July 2003

I went back to work when Hannah was 8 weeks old - we needed the money too.

I only work 10 hours a week though. I don't think you should feel guilty - but I definitely understand why you do and how you feel about missing him! The first couple of weeks at work were pretty awful - esp when I got a text message from husband telling me that I'd missed out on her first roll.

But I will be honest - I really really love the time away. I get to have some time to myself, whilst doing something constructive - and something I get paid for, whilst knowing that my baby is safe.

Ultimately its up to you what you do - but I urge you not to feel guilty! You are only doing what you feel to be the best thing to do!

Hannah (3 yrs) and Harry's (born 22/7) Mum! QLD

Don't feel guilty. I have a 3 1/2 month old son and am struggling to decide whether I should go back to work. I have decided when he is 6 months old I will return to my job. This has been a difficult decision, but I want to find a balance between the two lives. No matter where they go during your work hours he will always know you are his mom. You will always be there when he is sick, skins his first knee and in general to kiss him better. It will make your time with him so much more special. The only suggestion I will make is maybe to try and get him into a one on one care situation or somewhere other then a daycare. I have read the book on Raising Boys, and before the age of 3 they say that a boy will go through a separation anixety from their mothers. (Don't let this scare you though as there are plenty of boys in Daycares and they all survive). Good luck with your decision.

Deena NZ New mum

Hi, I went back to work when my little girl was 3 months old, she's now 5 1/2 months. I felt so guilty and everything you described. For the first two weeks, I was missing her like crazy when I was at work, but you get used to not being there all the time. I found it really hard handing over the parenting roll to my husband. He's a great dad, but I just found it easier when Maia was first born to do everything myself. Handing over the responsibilty of her to someone else, be it my husband or either grandparents was just really hard, but I did it. Going back to work was the best thing I did , as I found I just got out of the house more, talked to heaps more people and the money certainly helps.
Don't feel guilty about going back. If he's like my girl he'll probably like spending time with other people. My girl loves time away from Mum, but she loves it when I get home too. When you go back, let us know how you get on.

Lisa, SA, baby girl (4.5.03)

i dont know???
i am in the same situation
i said that when my little gal was 6 months id go back to work and i did part time and missed her like crazy sad thing is i got the sack for not willing to work christmas day i want to go into fulltime work though and i feel guilty to so while i have no advice i know how you feel

DD may 03, DS oct 06

I went back to work when my daughter was 9 weeks old, she's now 5 months old. The only reason I had to go back is because I was forced to go on maternity leave early (complications), and thus we were very low on finances. Fortunately, I'm a nurse, and my husband also does shift work. We manage by me working 2 x 10 hour night shifts a week. My husband looks after bubs while I'm at work and while I'm having a nap, and then he goes off to work in the afternoon. It's an ideal situation as both of us share the load, and besides, we don't want to put her into daycare. Like everyone else has said, it's also good to mix with other adults, and have some stimulating conversation for a change instead of babytalk!

Debbie, QLD, gorgeous daughter

It actually worked out for me, in much the same way as you pm793. I turned down the nursing position, as they had given me a lot of false information. I then accepted a position for a bank. I work morning shifts, 8 am till 1.30pm, and my partner works 3pm to 11.30pm, so we dont have to use daycare either

Marti, NSW, Baby Boy born on 17th July 2003

Hi there,
I started work when my daughter was 3 1/5 months old she is now 4 1/5, i only work 2 days a week at my husbands work, the first two weeks were hard as i missed her sooooooo much and could not wait until i got to my mother in laws house to see her, but now it is ok as it is only two days a week for me and it is good to leave the house and see other people, but when i get home we catch up and play until bed time and spend all the other days together. So dont feel guilty we have all done it some people even have to go to work full time.

Lidia, Vic, Baby Girl

You definately shouldnt feel guilty..your doing something that will help give you and your baby a better life!
I have a 5 month old and have just gone back to study 1 day per week...I miss him like crazy and am still in that stage where I find it hard to concentrate on anything as Im thinking about him all the time.....I have heard this stage will pass though.
I understand what you mean when you say you dont want him to lose that attatchment with you....that wont happen...they can tell who their mums are.
Its also good for us mums to have a bit of 'time out'...makes us appreciate the baby heaps more...I know when I get home from a yoga class or school I am soooo happy to see him.
Good luck with your career and baby...you will do great!
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