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When is enough?! Lock Rss

Hi all.
once again i need to vent... and grap some desparate advice. i went on holiday with hubby and his family (MIL,FIL and sister in law) it was a huge disaster....they had no respect for me as a mother, telling me to feed him this and that even tho i said no 4 or more times. waking him up as i put him down for a nap... even going as far as lifting the cover off the pram and waking him up. They even had the nerve to say that its ok to put a 4 month in a car without a baby seat if you hold him, but thats not all.. while away i asked his folks to watch my son Reilly, so we could go into town . we were gone for half an hour. i came back to see a pram alone on the veranda. my son had his bandana over his eyes, balanket over his mouth and face (all i could see was the tip of his nose) and bunny rugs scrunched up over his ears. he has not been straped into his pram either. i was so scared to see if he was even breathing. (thank god he was alright, hot as could be and very red... but he was okay) i grabed him and stormed off (heres the part i cant believe, my MIL had a bubs who died of sids. she works for sids now for over 15 yrs. my FIL is a doctor, BOTH KNOW BETTER.) in my eyes they failed to take my sons saftey seriously. i tried to talk to them and said in their experience they know better. and insted of understanding or listening, they had ago at me, saying its my fault coz i didnt tell them how i wanted it done (but isnt it just common sence. (more so when you teach sids saftey). i now cant stand to look at them and i dont trust them near my son, (they didnt even ask if he was ok, nor say sorry or reacted in any way besides blaming me) im lost as to what to do, how to re-act or even to get them to show they care....as parents... what would some of you do? any help?

Can't offer you any advice here, but just my best wishes with the situation. Its always hard with in laws, maybe your partner needs to have a chat with them, as it always seems to sound better coming from the blood relative. I certainly agree with what you have said, MIL should have been there like a hawk after her experience!

Good Luck!!

DD1 July 2004 DD2 August 2007 DS September 2009

thanks heaps for your responces. i agree things need to be said. but my partner is too scared, and im worried if i push him to say something ill cause big trouble with his family. and i dont kno how to nicely talk to them. i feel sick thinking about it i know if i try to talk to them, i doubt it would be nice. Btw, there is no talking to this lady, you talk and she wont stop to listen, she yeals

Thanks for all the advice ladies. i think its just hard being a first time mother (as im sure most have been in my shoes) trying to make everyone happy and be in everyones good books. its hard dealing with in laws. but i think ive hit boiling point when they were "to busy" to talk about my son last week. im going to speak to them on monday i think. but i doubt it will go well. i think i just need to have confidence and stick to my guns. my child (as im sure your babies are to you,) the most importaint person to me. i dont think politness and feelings should come before his saftey. i tried to be polite... i think now its time i demand the respect that i deserve for being the best mother i can be(it doesnt need to be earnt) and set some ground rules for them and my son.
once again thanks guys... ill let you know how it goes. smile

Hi Infinite_girl,

Hun dont even stress over them, its not worth and a waste of time. You are doing what your motherly intuition tells u to do and you are doing an excellent job at it if you ask my opinion. You are a loving mother and you are doing what is best for your child.

Your MIL & FIL are in the profession with exposure to know better then that and they are just being stubborn, argumentive, ignorant and arrogant. Just because they are in area of expertise doesnt mean that they know any better to make you feel inadequate in your role as a mother especially when they are not cautious to his safety.

As a parent, I'd tell noisy in laws that do no good except make me feel inadequate and incompetant as a mother where they can stick it because clearly in your case there is no respect for you. I'd tell them that I am the mother and I love my child and all my choice are in the best interest of my child and I will raise them in the way I see fit

If they want a healthy role in your bubs life as his granparents they should be just that and not anymore. You have to put your foot down and stand up for what you beleive in and at the end of the day you are the one that is directly affected if your sons health and safety is put in harms way.
And that is precisely what they are doing and it is evident in the case you mention in this thread.

I'd not restrict them from seeing your son but only with your presence so let them know that unless you are satisfy with your ability to make sure your son is safe thats the boundaries you are setting. You are the parent and its you with the last say in his any decision made that concerns him.

I'd talk to your hubby about this concern so he can support you and ultimately his son's safety is his concern too. Its good if you are both on the same boat so if your in laws springs one on you he can back you up.

Take care and keep up the good work

Phoenix
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