Hi Toni
It's all well and good to say "listen to your baby" but babies are alot smarter than you believe. We were having terrible trouble getting my daughter Ava to sleep, it got to the stage where she was waking every 15 mins and howling like she was dying. The minute we'd go into her she'd start laughing, take her dummy and back to sleep she'd go for another 15 minutes. She'd always be changed, fed, burped etc etc but the fact of the matter is SHE WAS PLAYING US!! She wasn't silly she knew the minute she woke up that's all she had to do was cry and we'd be there. We bought a video created by a mothercraft nurse who taught the method of controlled comforting rather than controlled crying. The first night to our total amazement Ava slept from 7pm thru to 3am without waking once or if she did wake she put herself straight back to sleep.
The result.....Ava is an independent sleeper who has NEVER had to be brought into bed with us to ensure a good nights sleep.
Obviously the first thing to do is to check whether you babies needs are met, once all those things are satisfied you have to take a look at the situation and ask yourself is my baby CONTROLING ME??? In Ava's situation the answer was defiantly yes!!! I don't think the technique was "crap" but defining it "a form of child abuse" that's what's crap.
At three years old my mum would have to tie my door shut to ensure I stayed in bed. I do not have any memories of this happening and find it really funny that my mum had to go to these extraordinary lengths.
As for your friend I wouldn't be too worried about her having to afford therapy, her son won't need any nor have any recollection of the event.
You sound like a great mum and I'm happy that your methods have worked well with your children, however where other peoples children are concerned you shouldn't criticize. I know for a fact that your methods would DEFINATLEY NOT have worked for my daughter and she would have seized the opportunity to take advantage of you.
As for those "so called experts" they deserve all the money they get and more. Where you've only had three children they have probably dealt with three thousand. Before Ava began sleeping I was so sleep deprived that I was irrational, teary, inpatient and therefore not such a great mum to Ava. Watching that video made by one of these "so called experts" not only saved my life and sanity but also has made me a much better mum and I guarantee there are hundreds of mums out there that will vouch for that.