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  5. Why does parenting have to be a competition?

Why does parenting have to be a competition? Lock Rss

Today I went to mums group and there was a new mum there with an 11 week old. I know when some people first have a baby and start to learn new stuff they feel like a bit of an expert. That's cool, I totally get it. But this girl first tells me my baby looks small for her age but don't worry 'there's probably nothing wrong with her'. Then when I mentioned to another mum that my girl's sleeping was getting better, this new mum says to me 'oh my baby is sleeping through the night already. Are you feeding your bub enough? You probably need a routine' and on and on. Considering I had been talking about what a great job my girl has been doing, I found her comments really inappropriate.

Then another mum says to me 'your baby's not rollng yet?' out of nowhere. Bubba was lying on the ground playing with a toy so I'm not sure what gave the mum the impression that she wasn't rolling yet. So odd and soooo annoying how it's phrased negatively ('she's not...' Rather than is she...').

It really gets my goat when mums make parenting a competition. It's hard enough some days just being a mum and I'd like to see mums supporting one another rather than digging at someone's confidence.

So, to any mums reading this - you're doing a great job! I love this forum because everyone is so supportive, it helps when I'm having a bad day smile


Well said.

That's why i've put off going to my local mother's groups, as a single parant and first time mum it's hard enough doubting yourself sometimes and than to go and have thing's said to your face that makes it worse. angry angry angry

My DD is 5 month's and i would love to socialise her with other baby's but like you said, i'll probably get a heap of negative coments, Oh your single, oh your baby isn't rolling over, your baby isn't sitting by herself yet.

And right back at you, your doing a great job. grin grin grin
I had my first group last week and was really worried about the judgmental parents as I had heard some bad things from friends, but some friends also told me about the great friends they made in the group. The group has been good so far with no nastiness as yet! Is there an option to try another group in your area? I hate when I read parents being so competitive as we are all going through the same learning curve!
so true
us mums should be sticking together , really who cares when bubs walks crawls eats lol
they will do it when there god dam ready!

I have a girlfriend who has a 5 year old and I didnt ask her when her bubs walked lol
but for some reason in mothers groups it is a comparison I do totally agree!
mywinterdaisy wrote:
I don't have a mother's group either just because of this!

I wouldn't say I am an overly emotional person BUT I do wear my heart on my sleeve, take pretty much everything people say to heart and I most definitely read way too far into things lol.

So I would just rather not have to put myself and DD in that sort of situation where I begin to second guess myself and start to doubt my parenting skills. Besides Huggies mums are are much more lovely wub



haha lovelly ....you sound like me similar personality, its hard being out there for people to judge ....I just try and dodge those people that are nasty bit tricky sometimes!!
Sorry to hi jack this thread but I have noticed moo2moo and mywinterdaisy that you guys are in VIC. Just wondering whereabouts- if you feel comfortable saying on here- I am also in Vic and would love to be in a mother's group. I am in the south eastern suburbs, are you guys nearby??
mywinterdaisy wrote:
misskel79 wrote:
Sorry to hi jack this thread but I have noticed moo2moo and mywinterdaisy that you guys are in VIC. Just wondering whereabouts- if you feel comfortable saying on here- I am also in Vic and would love to be in a mother's group. I am in the south eastern suburbs, are you guys nearby??
We're in the north eastern suburbs misskel smile and yes Gsxrness they are all too often very hard to avoid lol!


Hmmm, not exactly around the corner, hey...?!!!
I think people start comparing because a) they want to know they are doing a good job and b) they want to know that their baby is normal. Doesn't make it ok to be a judgemental know it all though. I agree, we need to support each other and not comment on another mother's baby or situation.




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Argh don't you hate the experts?! Lol I can't stand competing- especially when it comes to my kids!!! What a pointless excercise... I go to mg- have been in the same group for two years and count the girls as great friends. Occasionally I have felt one or two comparing/competing with me/my kids and I just change the subject. I'm just not interested!

Hope she pulls her head in x







Our group was a bit of competition until 2 girls left. I felt it a bit with my DS1 as he didn't crawl and walk til later. Now it's great - all of us except one have had bub 2 and there is heaps less competition now, I think we're all more relaxed now. I have made 2 really close friends through my group



misskel79 wrote:
Sorry to hi jack this thread but I have noticed moo2moo and mywinterdaisy that you guys are in VIC. Just wondering whereabouts- if you feel comfortable saying on here- I am also in Vic and would love to be in a mother's group. I am in the south eastern suburbs, are you guys nearby??


Hey im actually in the country, otherwise that would of been great.
I have gotten really lucky when it comes to mothers group because the one I go to has no competitiveness and I love it. I do however know people how all have bubs of similar ages and some of them treat it like a competition but I just ignore it now.




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