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  5. controlled crying?? 9.5mnth old

controlled crying?? 9.5mnth old Lock Rss

Hi all i have a lovley 9 1/2 month old little man. He is a good sleeper when he eventually does go down. I have no problems at all with him throughout the day and he sleeps all night.

i can hear ytou all saying so what's the problem then.

Well i have to rock him to sleep at night which takes at least 30 mins to 1 hour.

I have tryed putting him down when he is almost asleep and then staying in the room, patting him, singing (even though i could break glass with the sound of it) musical night shows, night lights, and letting him cry and then going back in and reassuring him.

Nothing has worked. NOTHING!!!.

I would keep on rocking him to sleep but i have a bad back and holding a 11kg buddah is making it even more sore.

Any help you may have is greatly appreciated.


Aleks, SA, 5yr old girl, 9yr old boy&bubs 10.4.04

Hi Aleks,

I also have a stubborn little mite who fights falling to sleep. Sophie is 8 1/2 months old & up until about a week ago has only ever fallen asleep while being breastfed/pushed in stroller/rocked. I finally decided it was time to bite the bullet & give controlled crying a go.

The first attempt was her morning nap & she fell asleep in less than ten minutes of grizzling. It hasn't always been that easy though - if she starts screaming & gets too distressed I get her out. And I found that walking in - reassuring her - & walking back out just upset her even more...

But I have realised that if I just leave her & put a load of washing on, do the dishes & just potter around the house loud enough for her to know that I am here - that she'd settle better than if I were to go in. Hasn't worked everytime, but I guess it's a start.

I guess I haven't really been any help to you (although, it's definately reassuring to know you're not the only mum with this problem! hehe) I hope you find a solution soon. Goodluck!

Kelly, TAS, mum of Sophie born 11/05/04

Hi Aleks,

My little girl loves going to sleep with music on, I find if I dont use it she wont fall asleep. I think it gets too quiet for them, the noisier it is the faster she falls asleep.

We use "Classics for babies" as it is really soothing for them. Give the radio a go and see if it helps.

Not too loud but not so soft that they cant hear it when they grizzle.

Good luck!!!

Heidi's Mum

sounds so familar, my little boy used to be like that when he was younger.
Controlled crying is very good when their over tired!!!!!.
You need to have a lot of paitence with it though the first few mins will feel like hes been crying for eva!!!!.

Do you live in Sydney?, cause if you do i was gonna say maybe you could try tresillian house, my sister went there and said they were great.

well good luck with it all let me know how it turns out.

Rochelle, mother of 2

Kelly, your little one sounds like mine.

Luke won't fall asleep in his cot no matter what I try, he would only go to sleep in my arms or being rocked in his pram.

I too have had enough because hubby has started working nights and Luke is awake from 8pm or so until midnight. I have just started the controlled crying thing and it lasted 50 mins last night then I got him up he just wouldn't fall asleep. He fell asleep in my arms within 10mins.

I am trying to be very patient and keep trying.

Question: Once you leave the room and bubs crying, do you go back in or let him/her be. How long is long enough?


Hi Joey

I think controlled crying means you keep going back into the room at intervals to let baby know you're still there but its time for him to sleep on his own.

Begin when he starts crying. Go in and be with him for 2 minutes. Pat him, rock him (in his cot) soothe him but dont pick him up. If after 2 mins he is still crying, make sure baby is safe and leave the room. Wait outside for 2 mins and then return if he is still crying. This time pat, rock, soothe him for 4 mins. If he's still crying after 4 mins, make sure he's safe then leave the room. Wait outside for 4 mins. If he's still crying after 4 mins go back in and pat, rock, soothe for 6 mins, then leave for 6 mins, then go back in for 8 mins, then leave for 8 mins, go back in for 10 mins and leave for 10 mins. If after 10 mins outside baby is still crying, continue the process of in for 10 out for 10 until he's asleep. I know its really hard but at least you're not leaving him to cry it out completley.

During the day you're supposed to implement the program for an hour. If the baby hasn't responded then bring him out of the cot for a quick cuddle and then start again. Either that or bring him out and try again next nap.

At night you should just continue with the program until its been successful - offering drinks of water after 1 hour. You dont want baby learning that if he cries enough he'll be able to come out for cuddles and play at night time!!!

This has worked for us. Its stressful at the time but the results are well worth it!

Vanessa, Cooper's Mum - 05/2004 new bub due 11/05

Thanks for your reply Vanessa.
My hubby and I are trying to get Luke into some sort of routine and we will try your suggestions listed above.

Luke's just had his bath, feed and bottle and fell asleep on my lap watching TV (bugger) but will get up again within an hour or so then we will try the routine later. I know this is not the way however this has been his "Routine" for a while so I can't expect him to change in one night.

Hopefully with a little time and patience we can change his whole night time feed and sleep patterns.

Thanks again.
Hi Joey,

I only just noticed your post. It definately sounds like we are in the same boat (especially seeing as our little ones are the same age!). Since my last post, my attempts at letting Sophie settle herself to sleep have gone out the window! It was so easy to go back to breast feeding her to sleep, but I'm so tired of doing this!!!

After reading your post, I've decided to give that technique a go. (Can only try). I would love to know how you are going with it.

Goodluck! - they're such determined little buggers!

Kelly, TAS, mum of Sophie born 11/05/04

Hi Aleks, Joey and All!

Well, I can so relate to what you Mum's are talking about! We had lots of sleep problems with our bub when she was 4 1/2 mnths through to 8 mnths old. Basically though, they were because she didn't know how to put herself to sleep or back to sleep if she woke.

Some of you may have seen some of my other posts, but if not, I recommend a book called 'On Becoming Baby Wise'. It helped us to sort our Alyntas sleeping probs, by guiding us through the how's and whys of what you ladies are trying to do with your little ones right now.

I'd actually tried CC before, and I just couldn't do it for so many reasons. Anyway, within only a few days of reading it and using their principals, Alynta was sleeping through (she was able to put herself back to sleep) and going down no troubles for three naps a day (at that time) and at night for bed also. No more standing or laying with her for ages trying to get her to go to sleep.

Anyway, if you'd like any more info, let me know. Hope you're all well.

Hi Shani,

I have noticed a few of your posts before & just today received a copy of that book (book 1 & 2). I haven't read any of it yet, but I'm hoping it will spread a little light on the subject!

My Child Health Nurse (& anything else I read) is telling me to try & settle Sophie in her cot... lay her on her side facing away, pat her bum- blah blah blah..... the only problem with that is she wont let me!!! As soon as a lay her in her cot while she is awake, she is trying to stand up... that technique is completely useless!

She has never slept in our bed with us, which I guess is a good thing... if I put her in our bed she thinks it's play time. I'm really wondering how you managed to get Alynta to sleep without letting her cry. I'm at a total loss as to how I can get Sophie to fall asleep in her cot without her crying (I can't stand CC).

I'm hoping to wean her off the breast at 12 months (she is 9.5 months old now) & I really want her sleeping habits sorted out by then, because I seem to be falling into a trap of feeding her to sleep everyday to avoid hearing her cry.

Anyway, I will look at these books to see if they can help me. Fingers crossed!

Kelly, TAS, mum of Sophie born 11/05/04

Hey Kelly,

Thanks for your post. That's great that you've got yourself a copy of the BW books. Have you started reading the first one yet?? Let me know what you think.

I can see what you mean about the technique the Health Nurse recommended. Before I read BW, I was trying anything I could think of or heard about and nothing worked. I had tried the CC thing, but I just couldn't so it, as I always had this nagging thoughts telling me that I must be a bad mother if she was crying and what were others thinking of me etc.

Anyway, with BW, I did have to let her cry some, but after reading the book, I felt a lot more ok with it (they give you some really good info) and even though it was hard a couple times, I knew it was in her best interest. After you've read the whole book, make sure you really go over the chapter near the back where it talks about starting late, cause that'll help you getting started.

Well done for being strong enough to not have been putting her in your bed (maybe you haven't got that tired and desparate yet?? I hope not.) I know what you mean about the feeding them to sleep thing. I fell in to that also.

Once again, let me know how things go with Sophie. If I can help or you just want to talk about stuff, please feel free to let me know. My e-mail is [email protected] if you want to mail me directly too.

Hope your day's going well. Thinking of you.


Are you suggesting that co sleeping or even just bringing your child into bed for comfort makes you a weak and desparate parent?

I hope I just misinterpreted your post


Steph VIC Mummy to one gorgeous boy

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