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  5. LAZY DAD? or whingy mum?

LAZY DAD? or whingy mum? Lock Rss

Im just wondering how much other dads are doing? this is probably a silly post and i think im just having a whinge. But..
Our son is 9 months old. Dad works for himself , but hasnt really had any work for awhile so is at home most of the time. He stays up late most nights and then sleeps in to bout lunchtime everyday. Our son gets up many times during the night and dad has never got up once for him or got up with him in the morning. He never does any dishes or washing or cleaning or cooking. He has never sterilised or made up a bottle for him. He plays with him sometimes but most of the time he is with me. He used to change his nappy occasionaly , but recently if he has him, he just tells me that his nappy needs changing and hands him back to me.
What are other dads doing? I dont mind doing most things around the house , but i am getting really frustrated doing everything! I have tried bringing it up but it has never changed anything and i dont want to cause an argument.
I wish i could just do everything and not let it bother me, but it does.
Is it just a male thing to not do anything? Are other households like this?









baby boy

Wow

You have to be the most patient person I have ever meet. If I was in your situation I would have lost it by now.

When my husband is at home he plays with our son, changes nappies, cooks dinner and helps with the house work.
I don't want to talk bad of anyone but If I was you I make him get out of bed at a normal time and get him to help you. The next time he hand you the baby and tells you that his nappy needs changing hand him back and tell him where the nappies are.. If all else fails do what the mother did in a story that was posted a couple of months back and go on strike and don't so anything all day. Just make sure baby is o.k.

This is all written with tounge in cheek I guess what I am trying to say in you are not a Whinge Mum in fact you sound like you are doing a fantastic job.

Good luck



Tineka, Mum to Hamish 3yrs, Abby 1yr & 1due 10/04

Hi Ladybird,

I hate to say it but I think it's more a case of LAZY DAD!!!!!! Definitely not whingy mum.....

My hubby works full time so i do most stuff around the house during the day. When he gets home he helps bath the kids & dress them in their pj's & he puts our 3 year old girl to bed & reads a story while I get our 15 month old boy ready for bed. On weekends he gets up early with them, changes nappies, feeds the youngest, anything that needs doing, I know I can ask if I need help.

I know it's hard for you & that it's easier to keep the peace & just do it yourself, but I really think that something needs to be said. You will end up running yourself into the ground & that will only make the situation worse.

Good luck & let me know how you go.

Regards

Michelle - Mum to 2

I'm not condoning violence but your hubby needs a good slap!!!

I can't beleive he said his nappy needs changing!!!! Oh my god you poor thing
I would say def go on strike and see how he copes. My hubby still gets up to change bub and bring him to me in the night for a feed (and he is working full time) but bub is sleeping through the night but you get my drift.

Trust us - you are not a whingy mum you def need to get him to pull his finger out!!!!

Steph VIC Mummy to one gorgeous boy

hi ladybird
just like to let you know your not alone. my hubby also lazy (and sleeps when he gets the chance which is quite often!). i do my bits and pieces around the house through the day, change ALL the nappies, do ALL the baths, answer ALL the nighttime calls, do ALL the bottle preps and ALL the feeds. and still BARELY find time to cook tea and have time to myself. we are definately not whinging mums but are extremely self sufficient and children orientated. the kids will love you for it when they're older cos they will know they can count on you (even though dad still loves them).
keep smiling---your a great mum!

Louise VIC

if hes not working atm he sounds a bit down in the dumps, especially with his sleeping habits.

maybe he feels he needs a bit of tlc in order to give some tlc.

i know from experience some days you look at your other have and want to put a firecracker under the lounge to get them off it. but at the same time the more you do the less he will think he has to do.

and if i dont want to do housework i wont do it. and if theres any complaints i'll say im having the day off. lol smile

DD 13/11/03 -DD 11.11.05 - DS 17.4.08

Hey guys,
Just saw this post and had to reply. My husband and I have just swapped roles. I now work full time, while he stays at home with our 9 month old son. My hubby does all the bottle preps, feeds him his breakfast and lunch, and changes pretty much all the nappies. When I get home, I organise and feed him his tea, bath our boy, and give him his last feed. We find that this really works, and it lets my hubby bond with his son before he goes halfway down the country for 5 months for Police College.
Ladybird, you are definately NOT a whingey mum, and you need to give that hubby of yours a kick up the backside!!! He needs to realise that he is the one missing out on your child's precious moments!

Rebecca, NZ, Boy born 30/10/03

I read your post and was saying OMG this was my life a wee while ago!!!!
When I had our first my (now) hubby wasnt interested at all-played online computer games all night and slept in most days. Then he would get to work late also and blame me for it. I did everything for our first born for 2 years. One day I completely lost it, gave him everything straight-ok I yelled a bit but hey after 2 years of being-well a single mum really-I had got to the point where enough was enough. I had done everything and got very depressed over the 2 years and once I blew I felt like a weight was lifted from me.

I spent too long with my rose colored glasses on thinking that give him time, tlc, support etc.....when finally I realised I was getting nothing in return. It is incredibly tiring to give and give when you hardly have anything left to give-even for yourself.

Once I blew he knew I ment business and now gets out of bed himself for work, is banned from online games and knows if he does I am out of here. Tough love can sometimes be the best love. I have now been with him for 7 years and the last 3 years have been our best so far. He respects me purely because I respect myself enough not to put up with it all.

Hope this helps!!

Linda-27,Wgtn,7yrold twin3yrolds

Hi guys,
I know this is a late post but i had to say something, i am in a similar situation, my fiance is a typical greek male, why do i say greek, because most european men think that everything is a womans job!!!!
we have 2 kids, a 2y.o (almost) and a 4 month old. My fiance will change our sons nappy, maybe do dishes here and there, and thats it. He works full time, self employed, when i was pregnant with 2nd child and working full time, i did everything, he would be home from work at 5 o'clock, and yet i would get home at 7 after picking up our son from my inlaws, would cook dinner clean up, bath our son, put him to bed, and it was usually 9:30 b4 i sat down. mind you i was still bathing our son and doing housework at 9 months pregnant!!!!!!!
M fiance wont cook, rarely helps me clean, i have to wait months if i want something done, and yet he complains he never has time, we now have the 2kids, and he plays with our son and will change his nappy but thats about it.
He was brought up this way, thats not all, he had 3 weeks off work last year while i was working 5 days 12 hour days mind you, and do u think dinner was cooked for me??? no way, do u think housework was done?? no way, do u think he would mind our son?? no chance, i had to drop him off and pick him up from my inlaws everyday!!!

so dont worry girls you are not the only ones, and its sooo hard to change a stubborn pigheaded man!!! im still trying!! now, i refuse to go back to work.

sorry about the long post, i like having a whinge!!!

stacey

vic 2 kids

I have to say-you bathing your son whilst 9 months preggy! I cant believe that! You must be wonder woman! gasp)
My hubby kept telling me to slow down when I preggy with the twins-I told him if I dont do it then no one will-he told me he didnt want me to have the babies early-so he started to pitch in! Mind you, I was a little agressive in the first 2 trimesters with the twins (I was too nice when I carried our first)-so I dont think he would have messed with me at any rate!! I just hated being told to sit around all the time-it really annoyed me! Especially with the all good intentioned mother in law! Who comes in and takes over the kitchen and bathroom and starts to move everything!

Anyway-enough of my ramblings! I have to say seriously that you are one strong woman! I mean that in a nice way gasp) You do SO much! at least my hubby now will cook-OK I have to tell him what I want etc but at least he is willing! I tell you-7 years of training has finally paid off! Phew!!

Good on you for having a whinge! gasp) You deserve to!!!!
Take care and I hope one day you will get a rest-put your feet up and even get yourself a massage!
(My hubby sent me on a day spa after I had the twins! It could become an addiction! You deserve a break,just think of a few hours all to yourself to be pampered on hand and foot..........) gasp)

Linda-27,Wgtn,7yrold twin3yrolds

In the time that my hubby and I have been together about 6 yrs, I think he has done the dishes maybe a dozen times, never vacuumed, done any general cleaning, and as for the washing, I think he's forgotten where the laundry is. When I came home from hosp (extremely tired and aneamic), he promised he would help out more. Yeah, right.
I have recently gone back to work 3 days a week, and part of the deal was that he couldn't go 4wdriving with mates unless me and Mack could go, and as long as he help out. Well, guess where he is today?? and guess what I've been doing all day. Yes, if he does finish work early he will do the dishes - but thats it, and only on the days that I work. He has always loved to bath bubs, but WILL NOT CHANGE A NAPPY, which people always give him a hard time over. I'm tired of the comments we get about it, and I tell people 'he does so much else though', beacuse I feel people think its my fault fo letting him get away with it.
Now, all we ever seem to do is argue, he wonders why I've got the you know whats all of the time.

Well, I feel better now, thanks

Michelle
My partner was like that when we first had our daughter. He was unemployed after being made redundant when I was 5 months pregnant, did just about nothing, except go out to friends places all the time. It took my mother to say that if he didn't pull his finger out, she was taking me and the baby home with her. Well he had a job in a week and started pulling his weight. In the times he did lapse, I'd go on strike and for the weekend would only do things for me and the baby. He and his daughter from a previous relationship had to fend for themselves.

He's now a lot better, I get a sleep in every Saturday morning, he does all the washing, vaccuums, gets our daugter ready for creche in the mornings so I only have to worry about the baby and myself. In the evenings, after the kids have had a bath, he gets daughter dried and ready for bed and I sort out the baby. It's really bought Caitlin and him closer together, and she's becoming a daddy's girl.

I still do the cooking, because I'm the better cook in the house - but I enjoy cooking. If he does want to go around to a mates place, he always asks what do I want him to do before he goes out.

He won't change a pooey nappy though, watching him run gagging one day made me take pity on him, so I do that part.

Rere, NZ, mum of three

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