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what to do with the dad... Lock Rss

hi im a 23yr old single mum with a 61/2 month old daughter. I was with my babys father for 4 years when i decided to break up with him as there was a lot of violence in our relationship, with him even being charged with assault on me. Our relationship was a vicous circle i couldnt get out of so i moved about 2hrs away to live with my mum to sort myself out. Within the first month of moving i found a job and then found out i was also pregnant. The news was scary at first mainly just because of the father but i was happy about the baby. Anyway during my pregnancy he was horrible to me, ringing up and abusing me if i was out somewhere and also because i didnt want to be with him anymore. I tried to still be nice mainly because of the babys sake and his family and asked him to contribute some money in the last few months i was pregnant and he said he would and then the day would come and go for when he said he would give me money so then he woudnt ring for a few weeks, which was fine by me except for the money part. In the end i left it alone because i decided i was'nt going to make him contribute if he didnt want too, maybe a stupid way of thinking. I had my baby on th 1st of March this year, i didnt get his name put on the birth certificate because i think he can earn that and it is not just a given. I also had him exempt from paying child support because of all the violence. He has only seen her maybe a dozen times (i do frequently go to the town where he lives as i have family and friends there too), and we talked about him giving me some money and he said he would and that only lasted a week. My problem is when he does see her which is always at his mums as i dont trust him, i find it hard when he acts like hes the best father in the world but doesnt want to contribute anything( to date he has given me $150 and 2 bibs). I dont know what to do with that like get the exemption lifted so he does pay child support although he recieves centrelink payments himself so it wouldnt really be worth much, and he does work at least once a week and recieves cash but lies to me about how often he works( he lives with his dad and pays no rent or bills either). I am still a bit scared of him so i dont know what to do with the exemption or then what do i do about him seeing her? Money isnt my problem although it would help, its more about the attitude of being the best dad and doing nothing for his daughter. I also wanted to know what his rights were and also what mine are, just a rough idea would be good as i will be talking to someone about it soon. I would also just like to add that i dont think very much of him but am trying to give my daughter a relationship with her father but also trying to protect her at the same time. I am trying to do the right thing by him and his family but feel like they take advantage of that at times. So really what should i do or what should'nt i be doing? Any thoughts and suggestions would be greatly appreciated. thankyou in advance...(sorry its so long!!)

61/2 mth baby girl nsw


I really feel for you but in all honesty I would just go on with your life and raise the baby as you would. I think you would find that he will never give you any money on a regular basis. If he is on Centrelink he would onlt have about $11 a fornight taken out and given to you so it's not worth it. If he was violent then you definately don't want him near your precious bundle to often. Sorry I can't give you anything else. Good luck

Annette WA mummy to Keisha 080304 & Thehan 200307

Hi larasmummy

I really feel for you. You probably have talked to someone by now about your rights and responsibilty in this situation, so all I have to say is maybe sometimes it is best not to see the father. I don't know what he is like towards you now but if he is still violent in anyway your daughter is most likely better off with out him. It also sounds like he is only causing you stress. If he really wants to be a good dad he would go out of he way to provide for her. Even if he is on a centrelink payment he would do without to give his child the best he could. He sounds like to me to only want all the perks of being a father and none of the responibilty. I hope I have helped you and not just confused you more. Just remember there is plenty of help out there for you, so use it. Good Luck.
Hello Larasmummmy

all i can suggest to you is that you put you daughter 1st and then yourself and dont worry about bubs father. as you said u are trying to do the right thing by him. if he was violent towards you then he didnt go out of his way to do the right thing by you. and it doesnt sound like he will change anytime soon. although you are probably right in keeping him in your daughters life, but dont go out of your way to do it.
i have experience with domestic violence and people with agression problems need to help themselves before they can do the right thing by other people around them.

i hope this makes some sense to you. good luck with everything and keep strong. if he sees how strong you can be then it might make him think about his actions abit more.
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