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Dad has made things really hard since baby Rss

Just wanting to know about how other dads went after the birth of their first baby- just a little disappointed in my husbands attitude and behaviour and want to know if it seems to be normal or he is out of line...

So it started the day before our wee man came into the world- he has a phobia of hospitals, needles and blood so we knew the birth wouldn't be the easiest for him but we both agreed that i would have my mum there too so that i felt supported even if he needed to step out. Well bubs wouldn't come so we had to have a c-sections so he said he couldn't do it and wouldn't come in with me to surgery so my mum stepped up and came in with me at my request- the problem is that he seems to resent her for it now when she was only doing what we had agreed on anyway.

We had always been really close with my family- they were always there for us with a variety of support and even helped us out financially to have IVF for bubba since he was unable to have children without intervention.
Now though he wont talk to them and sulks when ever we go around or they come to see us- even when my sister traveled 4 hours to visit us. He even had tantrum when i went grocery shopping with my mum.

His family have always been horrible to me and also to him and he suddenly seems to have forgotten all that and expects me to go around and be all good with his family and let them grab bubs and say what ever they want.

He wanted bubs so much - well so he said - but now he does very little to support me in caring for him and doesn't want to spend time with him unless i ask him to and make a bit of a fuss.
He complains that he has to give him a burp after his bottle (when i get up every morning at 3am to pump so he can bond with bubba) and while he gives him the bottle he is on his phone the whole time.
If he holds him he just sits there on his phone and then gets annoyed when bubba starts crying and puts him on the floor or brings him over to me and just dumps him down.

He does absolutely zero house work. I do everything including having to pick up his washing each evening from the bathroom, putting his dishes up and cleaning them, getting the wood in and lighting the fire, EVERYTHING! you name it i do it-

He hasn't got up once in the night with bubba and never had less than 8 hours sleep since he was born but when he gets back from work at 6 i bring him dinner and then he plays on his phone and falls asleep by 8.

He also had a bad flu when bubs was 3 weeks so i asked him to sleep in the spare room for a couple of nights to prevent him spreading it and now he refuses to come back cause he doesnt want bubs to wake him up at night.

Sorry for such a long post but i so needed to vent and i hope that someone else might have something to share or help me out in some way.


You guys need to talk and be honest with each other. If you have a child together that is something you need to master, otherwise it's gonna get harder.
As a dad myself, I'd say some of the things your husband is doing are quite normal and they do happen to a lot of men. Some are unacceptable and way out of line and he needs to realize that he needs to make more of an effort.
Hope everything works out.

Thankyou for replying. We did sit down and had a big chat (we had talked prior but he didnt really say anything), nothing changed for a week or so but he slowly started being more active with Bubba and wanting to spend time with him. He didnt quite understand the difference having a little one around would have to our lives and found it hard that he had to think about looking after another person, combine that with the fact a lot of his friends stopped coming to see him... he was finding things hard and felt like a failure because I seemed to be finding it so easy. So not an excuse for behaving that way and not speaking up but at least an explanation.


I do understand you and your dad. A baby demands a lot of attention and care. Keep calm and pay less attention to what others say. I am sure that everything will be okay in the foreseeable future. By the way, check the tips of how to build strong relationships in the family at
I’m 21 currently 42 weeks overdue pregnant.
My partner has done the same thing but our baby isn’t even here yet.

During my entire pregnancy my partners mother and sisters have abused me with messages about being immature for having a baby and being rude to their mother who told me to “reconsider the baby” that I’m not the mother of my child that she is. But I’ve not been nasty and stoop to their level I’ve said my words about being upset and hurt by their comment and moved away from them for awhile. For the sake of my partner I have let them be.

My partner has been by my side the entire time hasn’t stood up for me with his family, but I can understand that it is hard for people to stick up to family. We do argue over his family but I always say that I would never take him or our baby away from his family. It’s not nice and I’m better than that. On the day of my due date his family had a special outing and I told him to go, not wanting to be know as “the girl stealing their brother away”. I wanted him to still make time for family. That day he didn’t call or message me to see how I was going or if I went into labour. That night I got mad at him and told him he doesn’t care about me and he told me the truth that he loves me and the baby but can’t commit to us.

The entire week he’s been leaving and coming back saying he can’t handle ring a dad and he’s scared. I reassured him that I’m scared and we can do this together there’s classes and books and I would help him. My family also asked him if he wanted their help all to make sure he’s ok and not scared. He told me that he can’t do that and so I was heartbroken and told him if he doesn’t want to stay and can’t guarantee that he won’t leave us when the baby is here he can go. So he did.

On Thursday he came round with his friend and I thought maybe he wants to try and not give up but he just said everything is my fault I’ve confused him by saying go and saying to stay in our baby’s life. He told me he’s here for his stuff and I had a breakdown. As I was having this breakdown he walked past me while I was on the floor crying hysterically loke I was nothing. Luckily my mum was walking near by and came and helped me. Undoruneltt during that breakdown I had to be rushed to Hopsital and the paramedics came and my partner didn’t talked to them didn’t look at me he just kept getting his stuff. Even when I drove away in the van he never once looked back.

Luckily the baby was fine and after he tried to contact me. Friday and Saturday came and I had more breakdowns and my mum said that’s it’s ok. I can do this alone. My partner decided to come and see me and say he loves me and the baby but needs time to adjust to the change. When I asked him why he didn’t care when I had a breakdown or come with me to the hospital he said that I told him to leave so he didn’t help. He also said “it wasn’t necessary for you to go in the ambulance” when. I said to him do you think I put that on for show he said” I never said that”. When I tried explaining to him how I feel he told me that he’s more concerned with me talking to his family rather than fixing our relationship.

I just felt numb and realised that I’m giving help to someone who clearly doesn’t want help. He then told me he wants to be there for the birth of his son and maybe a week after to see if he wants this. All I said was I’ll give you the time and asked him to leave. After saying that he switched and said “99% I’ll be there for you 1% I will leave”, “I’m going to be there after I just want it slow”. I just nodded and tried to leave that’s when he said can I hug you can I kiss you joking around like my feelings were nothing but a joke.

The reason why I am writing this is because I feel as if I’m the one at fault. But at the same time I’ve given my partner everything he wanted. Love care, money, sex everything and I’ve just asked only for him to love me and care and support me. Is this normally for men to become distant and leave their partners while they’re pregnant.
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