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Taking advice from Dad Lock Rss

My DF has been away for more than half of our sons life. DS is 5 months & DF has only been home for about 2 of those 5 months. Anyway, at the moment I can still speak to him on the phone & he asks how son is going. When I tell him about little problems, DF offers advice but I am having trouble accepting it because he hasnt been around to know DS. I havent said anything to him, but I feel that he hasnt been a parent yet. When he has been home he has been busy getting organised for his next trip away (ARMY) and doesnt get much time to spend with us.

He keeps telling me how he is going out and drinking with his mates till all hours. I get really mad at him because I am stuck at home, all the time with no family in the same state. What I would give to be able to go out for half an hour without DS. Am I being unreasonable? I know its tough on him not being here, but its also tough on me doing it all by myself.
Oh that would be hard, no one to share the load with.

About the advice, maybe jsut give it a go, if it doesnt work stop....

I agree with the fact that I dont think your parner has been a parent as such because of the absent and the drinking and still doing as he wishes, however i think that in a way he is trying to do what is best forthe family.

I do understand where you are coming from tho.

Mayb organise a night with some girlfriends, for when you know DF is going to be home, tell him while on the phone, and then when he gets home give him your son and away you go. If says anything, tell him he accepted the responsiblly and needs to step up to the plate and let you have a break from being super mum. If all else fails throw the him going out and drinking with his buddies and explain that you cant as no one to look after your sonand you would like one night break. JUst one night away from it all.

Ebony

ps. hang in there girl, your doing a wonderful job. I admire ladies like you who support there men going away for their job and who stay at home and rasie the children. Your a real inspiration to us all. Keep it up smile

I think you are so great to be a mum with an army partner and still be coping!!!

I think as hard as it is for you to listen to his advice, you need to let him try to help in the only way he can at the moment. Even if you dont agree with what he wants ' may say something like i might try that or something similar. It will make him feel more important as a dad and when home may help to get him more involved.

For him, I am asuming that it is hard for him to be away from both you guys so when you do have minor problems he is trying to help solve them as if he was at home.

Unfortunately he is in a career which requires him to be away for long periods of time and as weird as it is the drinking is somehow a bonding thing with the fellow army mates (hubby was in the army to, but prior to us having DD) and when not on duty there isnt too much for them to do otherwise.

I dont think what you are feeling is unreasonable as life with a 5 mth old baby isnt fun on your own. Maybe you could talk to him about making more of an effort to spend time with DS when home so they can bond as a family and talk more regulary on the phone and not tell you much about when he goes out - that way u dont feel as though you are missing out on life.

Will he be based at home soon?

Good Luck and chin up you are a great mum!



Hi Shar I understand where you are coming from and when your hubby is home he should really being spending time with you and Kayden instead of worring about the army, its hard for us as mums to take advise from our partners but at the same time they mean to help us but it just came across the wrong way from them.

No you not being unreasonable cause you are home all the time with Kayden and havent got any family around to help you with every single thing and even give you a break from Kayden for awhile, I think your partner needs to think what he is saying to you and think about his family instead of drinking with friends.

Tracey,Jaye (girl)12/06/05, Sam (boy)10/07/09

Hi Shar,

Just to let you know I know exactly where you're coming from. My DF and I are both ARMY with the added bonus of us not being posted in the same location. We're in the same state only he's north and I'm south.

We were fortunate enough that he could get home for the birth of our gorgeous son, now 7 months (I think our kids may be the same age) and got leave for two weeks post-delivery.

Since then however the great green machine rolls on and he has only been able to visit for about 2 mths total since his birth.

It isn't unreasonable to think of yourself as your DF really has no idea of what it's like with the wee hour feeds and the crying and the day to day running of the house and the washing and the bills and more feeds and the dirty nappies and your DS crying just because he wants to and the overwhelming feeling to scream down that phone when he has the gall to say his (DF) day was hard when you call him in the evening. ha ha!

We experienced the same thing. I'm not sure if you're working or not but prior to my return to work (DS aged 3 mths) I found that the best thing I ever did was join a mother's group. It was a hassle to try and get out of the house but I made myself do it. Not exactly half an hour to yourself but just a chat over a cup of coffee with women feeling overwhelmed as I did helped me immensely. Also getting my son used to other 'people' meant he got more interested in them so I could enjoy that coffee and he was reassured because he could still see me.

I also made myself email DF silly pictures once a week. Things that seemed mundane to me - a drooly smile, a head covered in soap suds in the bath, playing in the garden or daydreaming at clouds- he never really gets to see. It also made him feel included in 'our family' - DS and I as he called it.

When I start to get overwhelmed by it all I just try to remember that DF remembers the 3 mth old - not our 7 mth old and is trying the best he can even if he sometimes irks me.

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