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  5. help me please!!!!!

help me please!!!!! Lock Rss

i think i have a problem.....
after DS was born, DH and i were having an argument, and in the heat of the moment, i told him he could do whatever he wanted (including smoke weed)... but on condition that it was only a 'once in a while' thing. i was VERY clear that i didnt want him smoking anywhere daniel, and that it wasnt to be every day, rather every week or two.

well, that went out the door, and now there's not a day that he doesnt smoke. it makes me so angry because we dont have the money to waste, but he buys it anyway. and he smokes EVERY day, without fail.

ive spoken to him, and told him he's abusing what i said, but he wont listen. his response is always 'if thats what you think'. i ask him why he has to smoke every day, and his excuse is 'it takes the pain away' (he has a very physical job)

i dont know how to get him to cut down. ive tried the guilt trip, tried telling him i hate what hes doing, tried compromising... nothing seems to make him stop.

i resent the fact that he smokes cigarettes and weed and he drinks, and i've got no 'outlet' as such. every bit of spare money that we get i put away for a 'rainy day' so i never have any money for things that i want, but he does.

am i being unfair in wanting him to cut down (or even stop)? and how can i get him to see my point of view???

Tania. WA, Daniel - 26/01/06... smile

Tania

You are in a very awkward situation with your hubby - I can only imagine how you must be feeling.
You really need to talk to your DH and explain how you are feeling. Mind you in saying that talking doesnt mean that they always listen (Ive been in a similar situation)

You are definitely not being unfair in wanting him to cut down or even stop as you are only asking him to do what is best for you, bubs and himself.
Somehow you need to get him to realise what implications this has on the whole family - not just him.
If he smokes for pain - does he have an underlying medical condition that may need to be looked at???? Or do you think that it is just an excuse?

I am lucky as my hubby does not smoke the green stuff but has had experiences with it. Im thankful that he did not enjoy it at all. It is a horrible thing and changes people in soooo many ways.

Dont ever think that you are being unfair about asking him to stop!!!!! Your concern is valid and youre the one who picks up the pieces when it causes things to go wrong.

I can only suggest talking to him or perhaps getting a friend to talk to him????? At last resort I would give him an ultimatum - Me and bubs or the weed!!!! However that choice is completely yours.
You need to focus on you and bubs being happy!!!!!

Hope Ive been of some help, if not its always good to know someone has listened - It certainly makes me feel better.
Let us know how things go...

Rileys Mum - 11 months

I dont think that you are being unfair at all.

I know what you mean, my partner did the samething before I was pregg and lucky for me stopped all by himself as soon as he relasied we having a family and has never gone back.

I think maybe you need to sit him down and tell him how you feel and by him smoking/drinking how that makes you feel. Explain it in lay terms, we all know men sometimes lol

If all that fails, give him an altermatime (sp?) i would imagine you would not like to leave him as you are trying to hlep him therefre it is obvious to me that you do love him. So I dont know what your altermatime could be, that is for you come up with.

I think you need to explain to him that he is a father and needs to grow up and become a good role model for your child. Explain to him that you dont want your child to become the same way as daddy.

D oyou know who he gets it from? If so cut off the source. (may work)

For him to see you point of view he needs to understand what you are thinking, and he needs to see that if he does cut down there is something in it for him (as such). Guys give an eye for an eye if you know what i mean.

Dont know if this will help any but it might. Good luck and stick to your guns, its not unfair for you to expect him to cut dwn or stop even.

Ebony

Hi,

Just wanted to let you know that my sister and I grew up in a household with a parent who smoked dope every day. We were subjected to the smoke all through childhood, and both became asthmatic.

My sister and I grew up thinking it was normal, not knowing any better until we were driven home from school in a police car because my sister took a bong to school for show & tell. As teenagers we both smoked dope because it was easy to get our hands on it. Although we stopped years ago, a lot of our friends didn't, and the long-term use has taken its toll.

The psychological effects of this drug should not be underestimated- Its one of the biggest triggers for psychiatric disorders, depression and suicide - particularly in young men. I know because I have worked with people affected and have seen lives ruined by their addiction. It is illegal for good reason.

If smoking dope gets adults stoned, what do you think its doing to Daniel if inhaled? At the very very least your husband should never ever smoke (dope or cigarettes) inside the house where Daniel will be exposed to it. Otherwise its practically child abuse!

If your partner can't give up for the benefit of your little boy, please try to get him some help with his addiction. Guilt trips and arguments will probably give you the opposite effect.

You have a little boy whose life will be shaped by the actions and examples of the two biggest influences in his life - You and your partner. It's up to you to protect him and provide a safe environment for him to grow up in. Do what's best for your baby - that's your priority. If he can't get help or change his ways for the two of you, you know where his priorities are.

Shay ~ 2yr old DD, newborn DS

He is addicted to weed. If he drank everytime he smoked weed, I bet people would consider him an alcoholic.

He has a problem and until he sees it and admits it, he isn't going to change.

His excuses like "it takes away the pain" is bull. He could have a bath or get a massage. His excues he gives you are from the mouth of someone who can't give up and doesn't even want too.

Logically of course he should put the money to your family savings. It is so bad for his health too. Doesn't he want to live as long as he can for his child?

I am no nerd believe me, but I have "been there done that" and I left the guy. But there were no children involved.

You are no way being unfair in wanting him to cut down.

It may be sometime before he changes (if ever.) So you possibly have to convince him to stop or think about if you want to live like this forever.

Sorry if I have been harsh, but I feel strongly about this one.

Jo, SA, Dylan born Dec 05

my man is the same he works everyday and when he get home he smokes . i wanted him to quit when i had my son but 20 months later it hasn't happened. we never had any money when we lived together but now we both live back with our parents and see each other on the weekends i have more money for the things that i want. centrelink pays you more money if you don't live with him. the only person who can make your partner quit is him and if he doesn't want to then he won't .

well i hope you find sonething to help you i don't know if i have but good luck with everything.

nakkare,uriah19mths,babydue15/11/2006

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